I remember sitting down to watch this movie, not knowing how it ended.
“How scary can it be? Julia Roberts has such a big laugh. Mom likes Sally Field. Diabetes in it, too? That’s cool. Let’s make some popcorn.”
record scratch
Narrator’s voice: Yeah, that was me, around the age of 10. I didn’t know anything about the movie Steel Magnolias that would have given me pause. I knew one of the main characters had type 1 diabetes, and by looking at the cover of the VHS tape, they all looked reasonably smiley and happy, so let’s give it a watch.
I didn’t know that Steel Magnolias was a true story. I had no idea that a pregnancy with diabetes could take the journey that Shelby’s did. I didn’t know that it wouldn’t be easier
I didn’t know diabetes could be that … scary.
Yes, I lived in a bubble. Only a few years into my diabetes diagnosis and barely into the double digits of life, I knew diabetes required attention and discipline and could have some really dark moments but everything would be okay, right? Wouldn’t it be okay if I just kept trying?
I don’t remember being told that pregnancy would be “too hard.” I do remember the many people who, upon seeing my pregnant belly in 2010 and in 2016, would look furtively to the side, and then back at me, asking in a low voice “Have you seen Steel Magnolias?”
Yes I have seen Steel Magnolias. I have seen the wedding colors of blush and bashful and have always wondered where “bashful” would fall on the pantone palette. I saw them grab Shelby’s cheeks with two hands in the hair salon, forcing the glass of juice to her mouth, Clairee leaning in to offer, “She’s a diabetic.” I watched M’Lynn lose the chance to take a whack at Ouiser.
I cried at this movie. A lot. For a dozen different reasons, thinking about my own mother, my own children, my own fears, and my own disease. My own frailties. My own strength. (I also cried because I’m a movie crier. Also a coffee commercial cryer. I am dehydrated.)
But “I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”
Steel Magnolias came out in 1989, three years after my diagnosis. At the time, it colored my views of diabetes with a blush and bashful brush, painting the possibilities of parenthood with hesitation and concern. Even when I had more hope and had seen evidence of healthy pregnancies with diabetes, I would push the thoughts of M’Lynn out of my mind and jokingly tell friends, “Not Shelby,” when they asked what names we had picked out for my daughter. Shelby’s story was a true story, but it was a story from 30 years ago, and didn’t define every diabetic’s experience with pregnancy, or a wedding, or even the hairdresser. I think about that in the context of all the diabetes stories on social media, acknowledging how each story is unique and diverse within this shared disease experience.
Steel Magnolias was often held up to me as something to fear, but I found it weirdly inspirational. It was her real life. And I loved Shelby’s story because it wasn’t about diabetes, necessarily. It was about those women, and their friendships, and about family. It was about living beyond diabetes.
I wanted that. I want that.
And I look at my kids, one about to turn 8 and the other fast approaching 2, and know that every worry, every moment of concern has been worth it. They have provided more than 30 minutes of wonderful. They’ve given me a lifetime of something special.
I was 32 and cried the whole movie. Not because I feared any of it, I was healthy after all. Rather because I lived with mom who had type 1, wanted another child but could not because of fear for child and mom, lost he sight, lost kidney function, had ankles the size of cantaloupes and died when she was 46 from complications.
When I saw it mom had passed 4 years before and as an only it was difficult to get on down the road. We have more information and more tools today than all those years ago as you know. Thank goodness times have changed.
I watched this movie as a newlywed, having no idea what it was truly about. Cry- oh yeah..!! I was diabetic 18 years at that point, and I’d always heard those “you can’t have children “ talk. No way was I going to listen to that!! That’s what I wanted more than anything. I had my first child 3 years later. Wasn’t easy.. but what is? No pump for me at that point. My kids are now 26 and 21. And I still love to watch Steel Magnolias- and cry every time!!
Yeah … all of this. Powerful movie. I don’t think I can bring myself to see it again anytime soon, but did watch the clips. Sally Field talking about what it must be like for a mom of a PWD to let go of the control of managing the daily diabetes tasks made me feel glad she got the reality of our role, but made my chest tighten in a familiar grip.
The next time I watch it, will be as a mom of a PWD. I might have to wait until she gets through college before that happens!
I am happy for your growing humans! They came from strength, courage, love and a helluva lot of hard work. 😉
When I saw the movie I had lived with diabetes for 34 years. My daughter was already 19 and my memories of being pregnant and dealing with preeclampsia were mixed with all the other bits of life as a student in the Bay Area during the late 60’s. I watched the movie, not knowing what to expect. It was billed as a story of great friendships and strong women. Yes, it was that… and a lot more. I cried then and tears start flowing now, because I deeply understand how hard life can be and how grateful I am to still be here.
…Steel Magnolias… a favorite before diagnosis… then a masochistic punishment… then my self-realization that my story wasn’t Shelby’s… then/FINALLY the birth of my daughter… then a favorite again. Each time, though, extensive crying. I’m grateful for the courage of the author to share his story. Grateful, also, for the acknowledgement that Type 1 diabetes is a hard disease to live with but, even more so, that it’s a disease that forces you to make the most of life despite it. Last night my daughter made a 5-year-old’s comment about hating that I have diabetes. I gentle took her hands and said, “I wish I didn’t have diabetes. But without it, I might not have daddy, or a job I love, or you… So I will take diabetes because somehow through it, I’ve received some of God’s greatest blessings…” When I was first diagnosed, I thought Shelby’s decisions were reckless and stupid. Almost 20 years later, I realize that BOTH Shelby’s and your stories, Keri, gave me more strength than I could imagine and the courage I needed to seek my “30 minutes of wonderful.” I am eternally grateful for those who share their trials and triumphs to encourage others.
Diagnosed in 1971. After 3 miscarriages went on an insulin pump and had a baby in 1986. I spent the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy in the hospital with preeclampsia. I had special permission to do my own blood sugars and use my pump. My son is now 31 and I am going on 47 years with T1. What upset me most was seeing Olympia Dukakis on TV and she actually said diabetic women should not have babies. Hopefully someone corrected her at that time
My daughter was diagnosed her sophomore year….fast forward to fall of her senior year and her English teacher is teaching an entire unit on Steel Magnolias including finishing with watching the movie and seeing the play locally. I was a little concerned about how the class would react to the ending and how they would treat my daughter & suggested to the teacher that he be sensitive to that! She ended up watching the movie privately the first time & we went to the play together. Heartbreaking to watch and to think about what was going through her mind. If I could trade her pancreas for mine I would in a heartbeat.
I was diagnosed the year after at 10 yo. You know….the big floor model TVs. All my immediate family was there. I don’t remember my reaction to watching it. (Doubt I really understood the complexities of the situation). My mom immediately hugged me on the floor boohooing and saying I will never have kids. I was mostly definitely non-compliant throughout my teen years. When the doctor came in to tell me I was pregnant I said “Are you sure you have the right folder?” He went out to double check and he was right! I struggled with my pregnancy….again, I was non-compliant. BGs dropped while driving twice (no memories of stopping or who helped). He was born early with respiratory issues and life flighted to a NICU. But, today, he is getting ready to graduate high school and enlist in the Marines (OOHRAH!!). I always wanted and still do want children. I will never regret him….he is the love of my life. But, I definitely wish I knew then what I know now. I actually quoted “hit her…take a whack at Ouiser” to my mom last week!!!
It’s been quite a while since I saw this movie but I remember it made me mad because it put forth an overly simplified notion: having a baby = automatic death for someone with diabetes. And yeah, I hadn’t had my kids yet so it was kind of an overall bummer. Don’t think I’ll be watching it again any time soon. Or ever.
I only vaguely remember the pregnancy storyline. What I remember is the low bloodsugar melt down, and I hated it then and I hate it now. I felt like a freak when I was diagnosed at the age of 10, the same year of the movie. That was the only onscreen portrayal of a diabetic that I had seen, and to me it was shameful and embarrassing. As an adult attuned to how diabetes and disability are portrayed in the media, I still dislike that scene. To me the film perpetuates the worst stereotypes of diabetes–like when I was diagnosed and was told “If you eat sugar you will die.” Knowing that it is based on a true story makes me resent it less, but I still dislike the messages it sends.
That was the ONLY movie that I have ever seen, that correctly portrayed how a diabetic feels (from the distant sound that they hear, of people speaking, to the denial of having an insulin reaction, etc.) when they have an insulin reaction. THAT is what made me cry the most. This is included as one of my all-time favorite movies.
[…] Parenting with diabetes is a trip. It’s this weird dance of making sure the mischief of my diabetes is managed well enough so that I can play with my kids without tipping over. The majority of the time, diabetes isn’t a parenting hurdle, but there are plenty of moments when I trip over my blood sugars. Especially now, with the hard-earned circus of two kids. […]