This is another bullet-listed brain purge because otherwise all the thoughts in my head would remain tangled around one another. This is the only out they have.
- Spellcheck put one of those wiggly red lines underneath the word “bulleted,” which means it’s not a word. (It also put one under “spellcheck. Isn’t it one word, when talking about the program?) Sorry for trying to make it happen.
- Lots of diabetes-stuff going on, from fascinating articles about the ridiculous and rising cost of insulin to racial disparities in treating type 1 diabetes. I came across an article this morning that outlined the years of life lost (or YLL, if you want to use a troubling acronym) for people with type 1 diabetes. Turns out I don’t meet my untimely end as quickly as one projected; I’ve scored a year and a half more time!
- (Pours wine, despite it being 10.30 in the morning.)
- (The above bullet point is not true. I am not drinking wine in the morning. Coffee and GF french toast, though, is absolutely happening.)
- I find the idea of YLL unsettling. I keep picturing a jar of marbles with a few that spill out a hole cut in the back of the jar, the years lost to diabetes. But the optimist in me (always wearing a fascinator, for some reason) seeks a cork to shove in that hole, to keep the marbles from spilling out.
- And then I take a mental spin through the things I do to keep diabetes in check, notably checking my blood sugar, exercising, and taking my insulin. Is this enough to stop the escape of those years? Do I have a chance at a normal lifespan if I work hard enough? Or is it a combination of statistics and odds and efforts and genes and luck?
- (Puts the GF french toast under some foil and opts for hard-boiled eggs and a banana instead. Keeping the coffee, though. #YLGained? Or just #foodguilt?)
- Or just ARGHHHHHH forget it – diabetes doesn’t get to dictate. I’m alive. Fuck the stats. Fuck the studies.
- Diabetes, thankfully, is not being terribly obnoxious these days. I’m not sure why. I credit the slightly-warmer winter and checking my blood sugar all the livelong day.
- I’ll take the boring diabetes moments while I can. Gives my brain a chance to think about less arduous things.
- Like if we get another cat (in a billion years), we will name is Skarloey because that is the best engine name ever.
- Or how I can make my daughter’s request for a “space” birthday party a thing. She wants everyone to be able to dress as parts of the solar system, and has a high level of concern for anyone who ends up being the sun because of the excessive heat. (She has called dibs on being “Earth.”)
- Or how great it was to see Tom Beatson’s face smiling down at me from a gigantic display in the Joslin Clinic atrium. (He makes me want to pull a Sara and buy a bike.)
- Maybe I will go buy a bike. #YOLO and also #YLG
But for this morning, it’s time to get back to work. Thoughts will be more streamlined on another day.