Do the “check my blood sugar” routine before bed, to see that my blood sugar is rising.  Perform conservative correction.  Listen to the Dexcom wail for a few hours as my blood sugar falls back into range.  Wake up at 3 am to test again, to make sure I haven’t over-corrected.  Looks okay at 3 am.  Wake up at 4 am to the fast “beep, beep, beep” of the Dexcom, alerting a low.  Treat the low, curse my bad math (and busted pancreas), and go back to sleep.  Wake up at 6 am to the sound of the Birdzone, announcing that she’s “ready to have a day!”

It’s like having a newborn all over again.

Only it’s diabetes.

The last three nights have been horrible, sleep-wise, due to diabetes.  Or mostly due to diabetes.  It’s been hard to fall asleep the last few nights due to other things, as well, like when I make the mistake of looking at my email on my phone before bed (shuttling myself right down the work-related rabbit hole), or when my thoughts are on spin cycle.  Or when Birdy has a nightmare and yells out in her sleep.  Or now, when Loopy decides that there are unsupervised socks underneath the bed that need corralling, and she brings them to us with vigor throughout the night.

Sleep is not happening.

I used to think I could pay off a sleep debt by logging extra hours in bed on the weekends.  Weeknights until 2 am, up for work for 8.30 am was fine, so long as I slept until 10 or 11 am on weekends.  But now, I’m ancient and moldy and I need some more sleep, damn it.  Not clocking at least six hours every night makes me miserable, and I want to nap during the day (only my kid gave up naps a billion years ago, making her both a determined toddler and also potentially a dinosaur, if that thing about nap a billion years ago is true).  Sleep debts remain unpaid, and interest is accruing.

Not sleeping makes a mess of my blood sugars, my work, my ability to keep up with the house (which is saying quite a bit, since the house doesn’t move), and my mindset.  I’m not able to make sharp diabetes decisions because I’m in the fog of exhaustion and as a result, my response time for everything other than hypos is delayed.   The last few days, I’ve been trolling around my house going through the motions of the day, not entirely tuned in.

I need sleep to make things click again.  And by “things,” I mean like blinking, and remembering to chew.

Loopy is also pissed off that she can’t sleep.