My work phone rings.Oh Peter Tork, you were my favorite Monkee.

“Hello, this is Kerri.”

“Hi.  This is Allison calling from Drugstore dot com about your order?”

Her UpSpeak is already killing me.

“Hi, Allison.”

“Hi.  I’m calling about your recent order with Drugstore dot com?  I understand there was a problem with your order?”

“Yes, actually, there was.  I ordered a glucose meter and instead received a box of tampons.  Close, though.”  I can’t help but smile, despite my frustration.


“Allison?  Are you there?”

“Yes?  Okay, I see from our records that you did not, in fact, receive your One Touch UltraMini glucose meter?”


“That’s correct.”

“Um, I will be sending out your meter today?  It will be shipped by UPS and will arrive second-day, as you placed the order originally?”

“So, if I’m hearing you correctly, the order that you guys screwed up will be arriving on Wednesday.  More than a week from when I originally placed it.  Is that correct?”


“Allison, I planned on having this meter for the holiday weekend.  Instead, I am going to have to wait until next week?  Come on, this is a bit ridiculous.  I mean, you guys sent me tampons, for crying out loud, instead of a glucose meter.  While I think it’s pretty damn funny that it happened, I do expect this matter to be rectified.  That means you’ll be overnighting my meter.  I should receive it tomorrow, don’t you agree?”

“Miss?  Um, it’s our policy to ship the order the same way you originally placed it?  That means two-day?”

“Allison, the tampons you sent don’t do much more for my blood sugar other than absorb it.”

“Would you mind holding?”

She puts me on hold and I have to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.  She clicks back in.

“Kerri?  Okay, we’ll be overnighting your One Touch UltraMini meter?  It will arrive at your office tomorrow?  And you can keep the tampons as our free gift?”


So the meter should show up sometime today.  And I’m keeping the tampons.  They’re my free gift.

Update:  The meter has arrived!  And it’s such a cool green color!