*Dun dun (the Law & Order noise)*
Prosecution Attorney: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you the evidence.
Exhibit A: One young woman, Kerri Morrone, and her recently changed out Minimed infusion set. As you can see here, the set is placed in her right thigh and was changed at approximately 4:41 pm. Her blood sugar was steady at 146 mg/dl.
Exhibit B: Miss Morrone and her boyfriend, out to dinner. They order their meals and Miss Morrone boluses 4.6 units of Humalog to cover her delicious hamburger.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Relevance of the hamburger being delicious?
Judge: Sustained. Counsel, may I remind you that the deliciousness of the meal is not what is in question here. Please don’t make the jury any hungrier for lunch than they already are.
Prosecution Attorney: Understood, Your Honor. Moving back to the evidence, I present Exhibit C, which is the logbook for the night in question. As clearly seen here, her blood sugars were steadily on the climb, despite Rage Bolusing that took place over the course of the dinner, totaling more than 10 units:
7:48 pm: 265 mg.dl
8:08 pm: 312 mg/dl
8:45 pm: 394 mg/dl
10:12 pm: 445 md/gl
It was at this time that Miss Morrone and her boyfriend decided that the infusion set was crap and …
Defense Attorney: Objection! Crap, Your Honor?
Judge: Overruled. If the prosecution states that the set was crap, it was crap. Let’s move on.
Prosecution: Upon arriving home, Miss Morrone took an injection of Humlag, using a syringe, and stated to her boyfriend, “I’ll do a 2 am testing. If my blood sugar has come down only as a result of the injection, I’ll rip the site and replace it because obviously it’s crap.” (Casts a glance towards the Defense Attorney, who rolls his eyes.) Her bedtime blood sugars were 375 mg/dl at 11:19 pm and 257 md/gl at 11:48, before she went to bed.
The alarm hadn’t gone off yet, but she woke with a start and just started talking out loud.
“Chris, I need to test. I need help.” Her voice was deadpan, as though she was merely conveying directions to the market or ways to scramble an egg.
In one swift movement that didn’t even require turning the light on, her boyfriend took her testing kit from the bedside table and unzipped it, handing her the lancing device. The moments that followed were blurry to my client, but her logbook and her juice-stained mouth reflect what happened:
2:02 am: 47
2:13 am: 37
2:30 am: 66
It was at 2:30 that the alarm finally went off. My client, feeling much better after some juice, ventured off to the bathroom to rip her site and replace it with a new one. Upon removing her site, blood came pouring from the site and my client needed to use a bandaid to stop the bleeding. She replaced the old site, washed her hands, and went back to bed. Your Honor, her boyfriend spent the rest of the night waking up to check her blood sugar to make sure things were okay. The results are as follows:
3:53 am: 153
6:46 am: 164
9:37 am: 83
Your Honor, it is our position that the infusion site was indeed not performing its assigned duties and caused unnecessary pain and suffering for my client, also not allowing her to enjoy her cappuccino at the end of the evening because she was so high she felt like she had sweaters on her teeth. We are requesting that the infusion set be sternly reprimanded and given to the cats to bat around until it is unrecognizable.
Judge: I see. We’ll have a short recess, after which time the defense will state their case as to why their client, The Infusion Set, refused to deliver insulin and allow Miss Morrone to enjoy her evening out. We will reconvene after the recess. Adjourned.
Defense Attorney and Prosecution Attorney gather up their things, all the while sticking their tongues out at each other. I smile gently at them from my seat, feeling much better and thankful that the ridiculous ping-ponging from the night before was over.
*Dun dun (Law & Order noise again)*