« Month Two. | Main | Things That Won't Cure Diabetes. »

What Was I Going to Say?

Plunk my head on this and we're all set.  Oh, and please give me feet, as well.Instead of a high-powered rifle that shoots out these bullet points, I'm working more with a potato gun.  Or a straw and a few spitballs.  Here's the rundown:

  • I can't remember a freaking thing these days.  So far, since Monday, I've forgotten to call in for a conference call, I missed a doctor's appointment, and I actually forgot how to spell the word "forgotten."  Which is ironic on two levels - one because it's the word I misspelled in sixth grade to lose a spelling bee, and two because it's the word "forgotten." 
  • And this forgetfulness has lead to some disastrous health consequences, like last night when I forgot to "confirm" my dinner bolus and ended up eating a higher carb dinner.  Which gave me a really crummy reading of "Oh, HI!" on my meter (meaning I was over 600 mg/dl), which made me cry because I felt like such a failure, which was both true and frustrating because being that high absolutely blows.  It also took me four hours to come back into range. 
  • Highs like these (okay, not that high, but like in the 300 range) have been plaguing me, which is depressing.  Not helping the postpartum feelings I've been playing host to.  It's time for me to email Gary Schiener and take him up on his offer of help.
  • On paper, it seems like I'm falling apart, health-wise, but thankfully that's not the case.  I just need some serious re-tooling. 
  • I am starting to lose it a little bit, mentally, I think.  Mommyhood has me by the nose.  I'm swaying back and forth in the grocery store even when I'm not holding the baby, and I'm finding myself singing songs to BSparl that don't make any sense, mostly about food or the way she smells.
  • Case in point (sung in a tuneless sort of way):  "Baby girl, you smell like pickles.  That's not true.  You smell like Aveeno baby shampoo and I want to kiss your ears.  You are my banana friend.  Hey, why don't we get some coffee?" 
  • If I had a tiny triangle, I would gently hit it with a fork at the end of that song.  * Ting *
  • Aren't there reality shows on TLC that can help me make sense of my life?  "How Not To Act" or "Life Boss" or "Ace of Scheduling?"  "Say Yes to the Nap?" 
  • I tried on a few bathing suits before Chris and I went to Block Island last weekend.  I've never laughed so hard in my life.  Once I wiped away the tears from laughing, I bought a one-piece that looks decent and makes my stomach feel less like it's smuggling potatoes.  I have no plans to wear it outside of the safety of my closet, but it does fit.  That's a plus?
  • Yesterday, BSparl blew through so many receiving blankets (known in the Sparling household as "the burp cloths" or "spit up thingies") that a whole load of laundry was born.
  • Birds are spying on me as I type this. It's disconcerting.
  • I found a site last night on the Cheeseburger network that made me laugh really hard.  But it's not safe for work.  And it's not safe for humanity.  But while I was waiting for my blood sugar to come down so I could finally use the breast pump and then go to freaking bed, I looked through the site.  And laughed.  Despite being a mom, I haven't matured much.  (Link to site is here.  Click at your own risk, amigos.)
  • And now I must find a way to feed and bathe myself, the kidlet, throw a bag together with all of our collective "must haves" (diapers, wipes, Baby Bjorn, meter, glucose tabs, a bottle, that changing pad thing, license, keys, and some kind of monetary unit with which to buy an iced coffee OMG), and then scuttle off to look at a few houses for sale. 
  • (By the way, I'm going to look at these houses today because we forgot to go the other day.  See the first potato gun bullet point for that explanation.)
That's all I've got. 


Lists are your friend. Old fashioned pen and paper were best for me so I could haul it in the diaper bag and jot things down as I remembered. Cell phone alarm is your friend too. Don't worry, your new state of forgetfulness will only last a few years. Muhahahaha (or however you spell the evil laugh). Totally feel for you though.

Pew Pew Pew!

OMG! I STILL rock back and forth when standing in any line up! And the forgetfulness doesn't seem to improve either. You'll just get better at compensating to hide the fact that your poor, tired, overtaxed mommy brain is now pudding.

Well, one thing is for damn sure. Mommyhood hasn't touched your sense of humor! You still crack me up! The "smuggling a sack of potatoes" line had me laugh/crying for a good 90 seconds. To myself.

Kerri, have you had crazy dreams since being prego? I started having them with my first child, 12 years ago and I still have them...last night's dream, it was about you! You had some contest to meet the baby and I got to come spend a day with you and you asked mommy questions...ok, I know, strange. But at least they aren't scarry dreams!!! :D lol

Oooh! You're looking for a house? Very exciting!

(You're forgetful, and I'm distracted by shinies.)

Kerri - you are amazing. That post summed up how I've been feeling lately but I'm not even a mom - yet. Crap. You put a huge smile on my face and made me realize I must be normal. (So you are too).

Thanks Kerri for the morning laugh. Your real life is REAL! With or without kiddos (like me..)diabetes always seems to get the best of us, or so it thinks! My thought right now, a baby (you.) working on my Ph.D (me.) either/neither(?) get sleep!

My kid is 5.5 (YEARS not months!) and I still find myself mindlessly swaying and/or pushing the grocery cart forward & back when shopping.

In the big picture of time, this is only a short period. While I can't say that your brain will return to complete normalcy, I can assure you that it won't see so difficult to move from point A to point B in a few weeks. You'll figure out a system that works for you -- and, after a few tries, you'll get really good at it!

Did I mention that I WASHED MY CELL PHONE IN THE DISHWASHER??? That takes some serious thought...to actually load it, and then wash it.

You're doing great. And I'm sure that beautiful pickle-smelling, banana friend of yours would agree!

1.) Watch that show about the people with 18 Kids and Counting.... it will make you feel so much better about your life! hahaha

2.) I missed a well visit appt. for Gabe on Monday that I had JUST MADE on Friday (get used to your new normal... aka Mommy Brain)

3.) Pat yourself on the back! You're doing GREAT! All these feeling are normal! And contacting Gary for help would be GREAT! It couldn't hurt! :) Us Moms can use all the help we can get!

Hilarious! I can't even imagine how overwhelmed you must be on a daily basis, but you are doing great! :) I'm sure it will get easier. Just hang in there. I'll say a prayer for you. :)

Just awesome.
You never fail to elicit a laugh or a smile. My Mom was a list-nut, now I know why. Encouraging my 9month-preg wife to become a lister, 'cause she's forgetting stuff left and right. (and mostly won't admit it) She says her bump is stealing all the brain-juice. :)

I swear, your links are invaluable to me. I hadn't heard of Integrated Diabetes Services before, and now I have it bookmarked for future reference.

Seriously, how was I getting through being a PWD without your blog?

It will only get better... becoming a mom turned my world upside down, my life and the way I felt about everything changed... in a good way, most of the time... but still, on top of all the TO DOs you have to get to know yourself again, its intense, totally worth it. I loved your post yesterday, it reminded me of the first days after I met my own little banana. You have a gift Kerry!

Forget the whole swaying thing. You will do it forever now. My youngest is 12 and I still do it.

Have you checked out Comixed on the Cheeseburger network? That one cracks me up too.

Hang in there.

I wasn't one bit worried for your sanity . . . until the bullet point (tater tot??) about the birds spying on you. Uuuummm, yeah . . . you may need to Say Yes to the Nap!

Sorry about the sucky highs - although it seems to be a common thread with a bunch of us on Twitter these days. Must be sugar in the air or something. And by the way, the missed dinner bolus DOES NOT make you a failure. Your pancreas is a failure but you? You are a fighter!!! Keep going, baby, you will get it all pulled together. Sending along happy blood sugars and great house-hunting vibes!!

OMG I hovered over the link to the website and if it is what it says it is, OMG too funny. definitely going to bookmark it when Im home for high entertainment time (no... the bs high...)

as for the mommyhood making your brain all funny, dont worry, it happens to me too when I hold my 1 month old cousin, its babies in general, I think.

Persistence is the only way in life, you can do it Kerri.

HaHaHa! I still rock back in forth all the time, even when I'm not holding a kid and my youngest turns 3 next month! As for the forgetfulness, it doesn't go away, it gets worse the more kids you get, and the older they get (older=busier), as soon as I make any kind of appointment, or get a scheduale (think little league, dr's appointments, school functions, work functions) I program it into my cell phone calendar. It helps, but you have to program it in right when you are standing at the little window at the DR office when you scheduale your next appointment, do it then or you'll forget to do it later. LOL

Have to agree with Karen... You are *not* a failure... get that terrible thought out of your head.

Seriously, welcome to motherhood Kerri. I once put the dirty laundry into the dryer and threw in some detergent. It wasn't until I pressed 'start' that I realized something was wrong. Do you know how hard it is to get detergent out of the dryer. It's hard.

It gets better though. The little girl grows, you get more sleep, you rock less and life assumes a new normal.

You're so funny! Don't worry about all of the highs. I know that really isn't actionable advice...but what I mean is don't keep thinking about those highs because it will only bring more of them! You sound like you are doing great mommy hang in there. (the postpartum stuff dissipates after a few more months, i promise)

ummm...I was kind of worried about the birds spying on you. The missing appointments thing comes from doctor burn-out; too many appointments with too many doctors. When I had cancer my best non-human friend was a small black calendar that I wrote everything in; doctor appointments, medication lists, complications, treatments received, even notes on emotions I was feeling. It was great then and has become a great reference material when I have to answer questions on that period of my life.

why can't you pump when your bsl is high? i do it and it helps your bsl go lower. As for the missed bolus, i did that all the time when i was pregnant with my first son and it scared the heck out of me. just make sure when you bolus you see the first .1 unit go inside of you. At least thats what the pump company told me when i called to complain.

When I had thyroid brain fog, I forgot my hands were wet and tried plugging in a stand mixer. That was quite the shock. (Pun intended).

One word on the bathing suit: Tankini.

Oh, oh Kerri I heart you. Because I've totally been there. That song? Yeah, you should hear the doozies I've come up with for Kiedis, and I'm sure will for Baby Girl as well.

And all I have to say to you is maternity swimewear. At seven months along. NOT FUN.

All I can say is "Welcome"...it does calm down and once you are able to get sleep you will get back to a normalcy. A different kind of normal, but you know what I mean. I think God does that on purpose. He gives you a break before the teenage years set in.

there is something seriously wrong with the birds this year - my car has been beaned twice with birds flying into it and hitting it while I am driving along. I have had birds swoop down at me in the parking lot of the grocery store and my brother was attacked by a hawk. The birds are weird this year and I have no idea why!!!!!!!!!!

and accidentaldong. go there. laugh. LOL.

Ugh, I had my first oh HI reading over the weekend. Kinked site, and holy hell did I feel like garbage. It took me around 4 hours to get down to a normal level too. Yuck girl, I feel your pain. But you're not a failure, and you're doing an amazing job so far taming the 'beetus while caring for your behbeh. :)

It gets a little bit easier every day, this mom thing. I promise. Hang in there.

Welcome to motherhood Kerri!:)

I love that you are so real and honest Kerri! Loved this entire post about the reality of being a new mom (and having diabetes on top of it all). I wish I had had your blog to read when I was first doing it so that I wouldn't have felt so alone, so crazy, and to have had someone to laugh with about it.
Thank you for this post. Well thank you for all your posts! Love every one of them!

An Irish friend of mine has declared that photo to be of "Miss Ireland" :P

I had a "friend" send me a link to a book that was going to cure me. Uhhhhhh I'm type 1, am insulin dependent, and there is NO cure. Very frustrating.

"If I had a tiny triangle, I would gently hit it with a fork at the end of that song. * Ting *"

OMG I'm dying....

And the memory thing, and the losing it thing? You are not alone, lady. This too shall pass. Especially when you start getting a bit more sleep. Which will happen eventually.

I can totally relate to some of your ponderings!! I said with every birth, I lost a few brain cells. So after having four children, if I don't write it down...it's gone from my brain. :\

And swaying...my baby is 5 and I still find myself rocking back and forth while standing in lines. :)

Both my kids had reflux, and burp cloths or baby blankets didn't cut it... we went for bath towels. They're far more absorbant and they meant fewer changes of clothes for everyone. :)

Your Mommy Brain will regain some memory cells eventually, I promise!

Thank you Kerri for sharing. I so enjoy your sense of humor. It diffenently puts a grin on my face. In a way I was blessed, not being diagnosed with T1 until after my 2nd child was 4 yrs. It is tough enough to take care of a baby without diabetes. But your shared experiences bring back loads of charming memories.


Post a comment

(All comments are moderated. Thanks for your patience!)