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Diabetic Mommy.

I opened this gift that arrived in the mail, and almost burst into tears because I hope, hope, hope this is the case for my daughter.

Thank you, Lindsay!  For making me feel like I'm going to be a good "diabetic mommy."
(This photo is also part of today's Diabetes 365)

I was thinking about how much planning and effort has gone into this pregnancy, from a diabetes perspective - never mind the regular gearing up that parents-in-training go through.  Chris and I have worked very hard, as a team, to manage my diabetes in efforts to get pregnant, and now that BSparl is in there baking cookies (or whatever it is she does all day), diabetes focus has turned up even higher in our household.

I'm blowing through test strips like a champ, wearing the Dexcom to help me keep track of the constantly-changing numbers, using an insulin pump, trying hard to eat healthy (even though I'm currently weighing the pros and cons of a red velvet cheesecake - recipe link courtesy of my friend Elizabeth Arnold), and making feeble attempts to get a workout in here and there.  Managing diabetes has become, seriously, a full-time job as my pregnancy rockets into the third trimester.

But I wonder what she'll think when she arrives.  And how much things will change.  Will she understand when I need to eat before she does, sometimes?  Will she feel upset if I need a few minutes to get myself together before I'm able to play with her?  Will she think I'm cramping her diaper bag style if I shove my meter in there, alongside her wipes and her binky?  Will she wonder what's wrong with my priorities when I refuse to share my juice box with her on our future playground dates?

Will she understand that even though that t-shirt will only fit her for a few weeks and she may not even remember it, but will she know that her diabetic mommy loves her, and has loved her since the moment she knew she carried her?

(And will she forgive her for all the third-person dialog?  Maybe not.)

I'm heading to Joslin again today, for the first of my four seven-months-pregnant appointments.  Chris and I will see our baby girl through the magic of ultrasounds, and then I'll meet with my endocrinologist to discuss how my body is soaking up insulin like a sponge.  Just a few more months until she's here, in our house, in our arms.

Baby girl, I hope you know how loved you are.

(This is part of a gift from my friend Lindsay, who I've never actually met in person, but I feel like I know, though emails and Facebook and blogging.  Thank you again, Lindsay, for such a thoughtful gift!  BSparl says thanks, too, only I can't really hear here because she's muffled by my enormous uterus.  And potentially the sound of the oven *ding* as her cookies bake.  Who knows?)


Awww, I'm all weepy! You're very welcome, Kerri!

Side note...I LOVE BABIES! :)

She already knows how much Mommy (and Daddy) loves her. Diabetes will only be an afterthought of who her mommy is to her, if it is ever part of the equation.

I guess this is proof that my ovaries still scream if I'm sitting here sobbing. (It's a good thing.)

Aww... very cute. I may have to come up with a shirt like that if we ever have a second.

If you treat diabetes as just a part of your life, that's all it will ever be to her. You will probably have to teach her some things earlier than other kids, like how to call 911 (there's a great little board book out there on that) and probably at some point teach her how to check Mommy's blood sugar or give a shot, but on the bonus side, shots probably won't be quite as scary to her. :S My five-year-old has adapted pretty well to this crazy aspect of Mommy's life. The fact that you have the pump and Dexcom will make life easier for you.

She'll love her MOMMY. As you so eloquently state in your blog title, diabetes doesn't define you, especially as a mom. I would have voted for "I love my mommy...who happens to also have diabetes..." :)

Yes, she absolutely will. My kids have an amazing and unique bond to their Dad that can NEVER be filled in the same way by me. They have learned compassion, how to serve, and how to love someone in a way that I could never teach them. Simply by watching some of the things he goes through. Don't doubt for a second that that little girl will love you. (Although you might wonder the first few sleep deprived months of her existence).

Such a cute shirt!!

My almost-2-year-old doesn't quite understand when I need a juice box and he doesn't get one, but he can say 'pump' and knows it's for mommy. When I wave my hands in front of my belly to help the skin preps dry, he comes over and waves his hands too. :-) He will grow up learning that diabetes is just another aspect of life with mom!

And yes, pregnancy and diabetes is absolutely a full-time job!

That's such a sweet shirt!(Not sure if I intended that as a pun or not though...) :) She already loves you. And you will be a great diabetic mommy and a great mommy in general!

That is the sweetest gift. I got a little teary too. BSparl won't even think about sharing the juice box. She'll be like my boys, and she'll probably know you need it before you do! You just get yourself ready to say things like, "No BSparl, you can't put the glucometer in your mouth." And when there's no rattle in sight, she can always shake the bottle of test strips!
Do you happen to know if she's baking chocolate chip cookies?
Good luck at Joslin.

BSparl will understand and take your diabetes as a normal "part of (your) life" just like my little ones do.

My kids (age 2 and 4) don't know the word "diabetes" yet (it seems too abstract) but they know I have a pump with medicine to keep my sugar good, and they know I need juice when my sugar is low and that sometimes I need to stop what I'm doing to check my sugar.

Just the other day when we were at his preschool, my 4 year old saw some juiceboxes, turned to his teacher and said, sometimes my mommy needs some juice because of her pump. Then he said, "Mommy, do you want a juice now?, are you sure?". (I assured him my sugar was okay, and thanked him for his kind offers to assist).

My kids take my diabetes in stride, we talk about it and answer questions they have about it, but we also don't make a major issue of it. BSparl will love you, diabetes and all. She will probably think your pump is cool...sometimes my son says he wants one so he can be just like me..,(I tell him I hope he never needs one, that it is just for me).

I hope all went well at Joslin! BSparl is a lucky girl!

I was thinking the same thing as the poster above, about the 911 lessons. I remember the guilt of putting that kind of pressure on my little daughter. My husband travels for business a lot, so we've always been home alone often. She needed to know how to call and what to say. She took it in stride and I didn't scare her, but it was hard for me. That's been the worst thing about being a dibetic mommy. EVERYTHING else has been fantastic. :)

That is so adorable! A dear friend of mine sent me a similar shirt for my daughter and it also made me a tad emotional that day. My daughter has yet to wear it because it's for a 2 year old, but I can't wait to proudly take her around in that shirt.

Your daughter will love you SO much. You do so much and have done so much for her and will continue to do everything in your power for her.

My daughter loves my pump. She knows that it goes on my hip. After I shower and it's still on the counter or bed she brings it to me and tries to put it on my pants. Kind of bittersweet, but so awesome. You'll get to enjoy all that yourself so soon. You'll love every minute of it and so will she!

I think that our kids are sweeter because of our diabetes. (Pun intended) But really, more compassionate and understanding at an earlier age because, yes, sometimes mommy needs her own juice box or gummy bears, and they understand that and love us and wait while we check our blood sugar or change an infusion site before a playdate. It's not always easy, but somehow they just know and understand.

I do have to say, that guilt creeps in, like when I had to teach my daughter how to dial 911 at such a young age, or when I go for a run and my 5 year old asks me if I'm running with anyone else. (I swear she's already taken on some worry.) But I think she's extra strong and thoughtful because of having a mommy with diabetes. (At least I hope so :)

Awesome shirt! Bsparl will understand. Niya is 4 she understands because I let her help an be around me and all my d-friends. :) I need to buy one of those shirts for niya.

Hey! I had all those same questions when we adopted our daughter. But I found that no matter what, I MUST take care of mama to have a happy, healthy baby. I cannot sacrifice my health, because if I do, I will be taking away from the life my daughter deserves. I can't maybe, sort-of drive if I'm almost low. There's no question in my mind now if that's ok or not. I refuse to NOT eat my meals and snacks because I'm just too busy with my child. Just yesterday I was at the grocery store with her and felt bad. My sugar was 59, and it was a bad 59. Like 59 and dropping quickly. I ate a few gluco tabs and kept shopping...but quickly realized I might pass out. I sat down by the pharmacy for ten minutes...even though I knew my daughter wouldn't be happy that we stopped moving. I HAD to do what was best for both of us, which usually means meeting my physical needs first. You can do this, Kerri. And even though you'll waiver and think that maybe you can do X (whatever for the babe) when you KNOW you should stop and take care of yourself, you will hopefully make the choice to choose you FIRST. By doing that, you're doing the right thing for everyone. Lots of love!

Awwwwww Lindsay you are the sweetest lady!! That is the most gorgeous t-shirt. I know BSparl will wear it with pride.

Well done on hitting seven months and still managing to even get the odd workout in Kerri... a bit of walking here and there was all I felt I had energy for at that point. Keep up the good work.

Ok, I must say your post made me tear up a bit. I do not have diabetes but my 10 year old daughter does. I hope she grows up to embrase and "deal" with diabets as wonderfully as you have. As for the meter taking up space in her bag, she won't care.....you may have to move it when she get older :) And the juice box.....you'll learn to pack extras so you can share. She will learn to enjoy the quiet down time with her mommy!

Love the shirt! I should get one made. I like, "Mama stole my juice box" or "I have a Sugar Mama".

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