« You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Low. | Main | First-Level Appeal Letter re: Dexcom Denial. »

Summer Shoes.

Dear Shoes,F-ing Shoes.

Goodness it's been hot lately in our building, right?  The sweltering heat, the insane humidity, and the constant hum of air conditioners in everyone's windows.  People are hot.  Irritable.  And sometimes it's tough to sleep at night in these early summer conditions.

So I'm wondering, right, why you and DogShoes are thrashing around in the apartment at two in the morning?

Aren't you hot up there?  I hear DogShoes thundering back and forth, chasing whatever tennis ball or stick or Playmate cooler you are throwing down the hallway for him to retrieve.  I also hear him barking at BoyfriendShoes when he comes home from work at night . DogShoes must really, really like your boyfriend because her bark just booms with deafening joy upon his arrival! 

I know you are taking precautionary measures to keep DogShoes cool in this relentless heat.  I mean, it's so swell of you to have him running laps in the wee hours of the morning - when the sun is down, of course - instead of during the day when the sun's rays are the hottest.  You are a good owner, Shoes.  Always thinkin'.

I know you and BoyfriendShoes are doing your best to control DogShoes.  Between the moments of doggy feet pounding against the hardwoods, I hear you two talking animatedly about "Throw it in the tub and see if he jumps in," and "I saw you talking to her again outside of work and so help me God if you are cheating on me I will throw you out on your ass."  I appreciate your dedication to DogShoes' exercise habits and to the fidelity of your relationship, I really do.   I'm just an eensy bit concerned about the luggage taking residence underneath my eyes.

I'll wait it out until it dawns on you that most people are sleepy at two in the morning.  Or that they don't want dog thunder rolling in our ceiling.  If I was taller, I'd bang on the ceiling with a broom.  But I'm not taller and I can't reach the ceiling without teetering precariously on a chair.  And I'm also not 74 years old  with a spindle in the back bedroom.  I can handle the noise, Shoes.  I just don't like it.

In the meantime, I'll stay downstairs with my husband and my melting doormat cats.  And someday, when I'm taller, I'll let loose on that ceiling with a hammer.



OMG, I just tracked back on the FamilyShoes. You crack me up!!!!! HA HA! LOL!

That is why I live on the Top Floor.

BUT the neighbors are just as noisy. Why is it that Everyone lets Any door Slam?!?!

Love the pix you use too. Oh and those Guess sandals, oh my, Love them! ;-)

Shoes! Man, how I have missed Shoes.

You crack me up Kerri.

LOL..You should get a tennis ball or something and throw it repeatedly at the ceiling and see how they like the noise :P

Aww, poor Shoes. BoyfriendShoes keeps cheating on her, and now she's up sleepless past 2AM, pacing (on your ceiling) worrying he's out with some other girl. It's sad, really.

me thinks it is time that Shoes meets Boots (one up the arse!)

Maybe you can buy a stepladder.... then the broom might reach the ceiling. :)

Just give us the address Kerri. We'll handle the rest. I once sent an "anonymous" letter to a neighbor that liked to mow his lawn at 6:30 on Sunday morning. He never mowed it that early again.

Just read this one and then the old one's. ROFL. Although I do have to say that I am guilty of living below "shoes" AND also of being a "pair of shoes" myself. I've had a knock on the door once complaining about my pacing around the condo due to an intense conversation I was having on the phone.

Have you every talked to your neighbors upstairs and mentioned all the details at all?

I've almost thought of mentioning stuff to the guy who lives above me with his girlfriend as to how regular a pattern they have, ie) like clockwork every Friday night. AKA think of the scene(s) from "The Secrets of My Succe$s" where Michael J. Fox is in bed in his apt conducting.

Your Shoe entries are so good you really should consider publishing the stuff, under a different name of course. LOL.

DogShoes and BoyfriendShoes and really any kind of UpStairsShoes are why we still rent...we cannot bring ourselves to move into a downstairs condo and with out 80-pound dog we can't move into a top floor condo....eek...thanks for the funny account it made me laugh!

So that's what a Pillar of Cloud is: A worldly instantiation of an all-powerful, vengeful God seeking to demonstrate the primacy of his chosen people,

Post a comment

(All comments are moderated. Thanks for your patience!)