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Posts tagged ‘low blood sugar’

Target Lows.

“Can you scan these so I can open them now?”

“Sure thing,” as she reached her arm over the conveyor belt to scan the package of Skittles in my sweaty palm.

BEEP.

I ripped open the package clumsily, my phone screaming out the Dexcom urgent low alarm tones.  Jammed a handful of Skittles into my mouth – way too many to be chewed at once – while simultaneously and awkwardly unloading the carriage.

“Do you have a Target red card that you’ll be using  today?”

” … mmmfff …”

My jaw was busy processing a dozen Skittles at a time.  I took a second to hang on (hopefully casually but most likely looking like a drowning man clutching the edge of a raft) and concentrated on chewing.  When I remembered, I would retrieve another item from the cart and place it on the moving track.

The lady behind me switched lanes, properly assuming I was a hot mess.

“Are you okay?”  The cashier was about 20 years old and probably accustomed to a flurry of weirdos coming through her cashier line.

I finally mashed the Skittles into something I could swallow.  “I’m fine.  Sorry – I have diabetes and my blood sugar is really low.  It happens here a lot.  Target makes me low.”  I was rambling and couldn’t stop.  “It always makes me low.”

She nodded slowly, putting my items into a bag as I loaded them onto the conveyor belt, one every fifteen seconds or so.

“I bet.”

She was kind.  I was probably drooling colorful drool.

“You can keep eating those,” she added.

So I shoved the rest of the package into my mouth, a hypoglycemic cow chewing on taste-the-rainbow cud.

BG 56 mg/dL. Eff off, Target. You always make me tank. (But I ❤ you anyway, you sassy store, you.) #diabetes

A post shared by Kerri Sparling (@sixuntilme) on

Emergency Plan.

Was just 106 mg/dL.  Tumbled fast to 40.

Took minutes.  Felt like seconds.

Dizzy.

Wait – get phone.

Put the baby in his crib.

He’s safe in there.

Already drank juice – plenty of it – now wait wait waaaaaaaait.

…. waaaaaaiting.

Wall edges seem wiggly, like if I poked them they’d shudder like Jell-O.

Baby is safely in the crib, giggling and playing with his feet.  I sit on his floor with my phone in my hand, ready to make a phone call to a neighbor if the waves of confusion start to erode my mental shore.

Briefly wonder what I’d say if I called.  “Hey, this is Kerri.  Can you come over?  I feel like I’m going to pass out.”  I’m sure I’d try to sound casual when casual is not how I feel.  I keep 911 dialed so if I need to just hit the call button, I’m ready.

Emergency plans.  I have them.

My tongue becomes less thick, less clumsy in my mouth.  I flex my fingers, which are attached to my still-shaking hands.  They feel responsive but like their wings are still clipped.

Juice starts to change the course of my blood sugar.  CGM alarms still blaring from my phone, less urgently now.  Walls seem less gelatinous.

Baby burps and then laughs at his own burp.  I laugh, too, the fog of hypoglycemia unwrapping itself from my brain.  I remember that it’s morning.  That it’s a week day.  That I’m due on a
conference call in 20 minutes.

CGM shows me a comforting arrow.

Emergency over.  Status quo returned.

Before I retrieve the baby from his crib, I grab a cloth and clean up the juice that leapt from the glass while my hands were birds.

 

 

That Low, Though.

The low blood sugar hadn’t rooted firmly enough in my brain yet, but I knew something was wrong.  My feet were heavy against the treadmill belt, and I kept rewinding the show I was watching because the dialog wasn’t making much sense to me.

BEEEEP!  BEEEEP!  BEEEEEEEP! hollered my phone (aka surrogate Dexcom receiver) from the cupholder of the treadmill.

57 mg/dL with the pigeon head facing south.

Dexcom G5. Looks like a cute little pigeon who wants a hotdog until you realize, "Fuck – I'm really low." #diabetes

A photo posted by Kerri Sparling (@sixuntilme) on

“Oh hey,” I said, all casual, while my brain was throwing itself against the inside of my skull, shouting “That low, though!  Go get something to eaaaaaaaaat!”

Instead, I felt compelled to wait until the treadmill had reached an even number of minutes left (WHY?? This sort of compulsion happens regularly.) before I would head upstairs to grab a snack.

Upstairs, I walked through the living room into the kitchen, passing Chris, who asked, “You okay?” and I responded with a grunted, “Low.”

Reaching the fridge, I opened it up and grabbed the first thing I saw:  an already-opened juice box.  The straw was at the ready, making my fumbling fingers flex with relief.  Slightly dizzy and with the low blood sugar almost fully acknowledged by my mind, I drained what was left of the juice box.

Trouble is, the juice box had apparently been left in the desert to ferment and was then tucked back into the fridge.  The fizzy, nasty grape taste in my mouth woke my brain up completely, only urging me to throw up instead of deal with the hypo.  I ambled over to the sink and stood there, holding the edge of it, the breaking news ticker in my brain reading “DON’T PUKE DON’T PUKE.”

I didn’t puke.  

I chased the fermented juice box with some raisins.  I returned to my work out. I wondered briefly if I was somewhat drunk. This isn’t the first time this has happened, and it sure as hell won’t be the last.

Fifteen Minutes, Fifteen Grams.

I just needed fifteen minutes, after fifteen grams of carbs.

“I can’t go with you, because I need to eat something else and wait for my blood sugar to come up.  You guys can go without me and come right back, if you want?”

The sentences sounded soft and measured.  Sure, go for the bike ride around the neighborhood, dear daughter and trusted neighborhood friend.  I’ll just sit here and eat fifteen grams of carbohydrate, then wait patiently for fifteen minutes while the food works its magic.

Instead, I was shouting up at them from the bottom of the well, hoping my voice carried in a way that didn’t make my kid nervous, hoping she’s hearing the reassuring tones of my voice instead of the panicked inner monologue that was playing out:

“HEY!  Go on outside and play and don’t watch me mop the sweat from my forehead while I inhale two juice boxes and a packet of fruit snacks.  Ignore me while I fight back the urge to lie down on the kitchen floor and let this weird wave of unconsciousness wash over me.  Pretend not to notice that I’m looking through you instead of at you while I’m talking to you.  Go on outside and let mommy fall apart for fifteen minutes, after these fifteen grams of carbs.”

My daughter and her friend strapped on their bicycle helmets and took off down the street, enjoying the sunshine and almost-summer weather while I stuck a spoon into a jar of Nutella, not giving a shit if this was the best option or healthiest decision but mostly because I wanted to have something sweet on my tongue, reminding me that I was still here and capable of coming back from this low blood sugar and that I could start making dinner soon because I would be capable of standing unassisted, without fear of falling into the abyss, in just fifteen minutes, after fifteen grams of carbs.

Looking Back: Cleaning Crews.

It’s weird to see that posts from 2011 are still relevant to how my diabetes behaves today.  See also:  when my blood sugar is tumbling, sometimes the dishes become a priority over a fistful of jellybeans.  Today, I’m looking back at a post from 2011 discussing that exact phenomenon, the urge to become a one-woman cleaning crew when under 65 mg/dL.

*   *   *

The urge to clean grabs me by the throat, and I find myself spritzing Clorox on the counter and rubbing frantically with a fistful of paper towels.  Once that task is accomplished,  I notice that the floor just below the refrigerator door is sticky with juice or something, so I kneel down and scrub that, too.  And then suddenly the fridge door needs a scrub down, and I should probably grab all the sweet potatoes that are growing actual faces there on the back shelf and I think there’s a jar of minced garlic that’s spilled somewhere in there and …

… all while the Dexcom wails, shouting “LOW!!  KERRI!!  STOP FRIGGING CLEANING AND EAT SOMETHING!!!”

I look at the graph and see the double-down arrows, and confirm the low with my meter.  But it takes an awful lot of self-control to stop scrubbing and drink some grape juice.

Why am I struck with that urge to clean when I’m low?  I do not understand what it is about the Low Cleaning Crew that moves into my brain when the sugar apparently moves out, but they are a merry and manic mix of maids.  When my blood sugar is in the absolute trenches, I get these cleaning fits.  Emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry, picking up the piles of Bird toys that little the floor … it’s like the slow ebbing of glucose from my blood stream makes my body feel so disorganized and rattled that I search and destroy all external messes to level the proverbial playing field.

(And I am clearly not alone in this affliction.  Scott posted about this the other day on Facebook, and the flood of comments was just enough to make my low blood sugar cleaning crews grab a mop.  This apparently happens to a lot of PWD … so explain why my house isn’t cleaner on a regular basis?)

Usually, it’s the beading of sweat on my forehead that makes me stop cleaning and acknowledge my blood sugar.  A lot of times, that cleaning fit comes with a frantically panicked mindset, where my brain is racing to think as many thoughts in as little time as possible, my hands shaking open a new garbage bag or sliding silverware into its place in the drawer organizer.

“Did you have a low?”  Chris asks, looking at the gleaming kitchen and the piles of folded clothes.

“How could you tell?”  I responded, wiping the glucose dust off the kitchen counter with a swipe of my sleeve.

“Wild guess.”

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