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Posts from the ‘Diabetic Mommy’ Category

Recapping #dayofdiabetes.

My documented day of diabetes wasn’t an all-star showing.  I didn’t hit one out of the park, but it wasn’t a complete shut-out, either.  I’m no bush-league player, so I knew how to handle the things that kept coming out of left field, even when a diabetes triple-play was in effect (morning highs! then a few lows! then a pump site change at midnight!)  But there’s no cure on deck, so I keep swinging for the fences and taking it one base at a time.

The day started with a higher blood sugar than usual, which I found frustrating because overnight numbers are usually my stable-zone (of course there are outliers, but my A1C stays stable largely in part to having overnights reasonably nailed).  Kicking off the day with a little grumpiness isn’t my style, but that’s how it started yesterday:

Sometimes my blood sugars don’t respond quickly to insulin, and I have to kick start things with a little exercise.  Self-employment affords me a flexible schedule, which I’m very grateful for, letting me jump on the ellipmachine for a few minutes to help move the correction bolus into action.

But after the initial morning high, blood sugars were oddly low yesterday.  I spent more time than usual chomping on glucose tabs.

Low blood sugars didn’t just jack up my day.  They cramped my parenting style, too, as I waited for the glucose to hit my system and reboot my brain.

Work still needed to be done, though, so I found myself prepping for conference calls in an unusual way yesterday:

Family dinner was punctuated by the soundtrack of diabetes.

My bedtime routine was ambushed by the need for an insulin pump site change (which I despise doing before bed, due to the ambiguity of the pump site working properly, having a post-site change high blood sugar, [insert other variables here]).

But overall, the technology I use to keep track of my diabetes protects me more than it inconveniences me, and I’m grateful.

And then the day was done. Over! Today is another day. As is tomorrow.

“It’s like deja vu all over again!”

Plastic Apples and Measuring Cups.

Her desk was anchored on either side by tall bookshelves crammed with pretend food.  Plastic fruit – apples, bananas, oranges, kiwis that looked like fuzzy dumplings – and the cardboard shell of cereal boxes.  Plastic slabs of steak with edging to make it look like it had a pat of butter melting on top, and the entire plastic carcass of a chicken, woefully untrue to size, making it the same size as one of the kiwi dumplings. Measuring cups and food scales, lists and charts, meal plans and index cards covered with suggested serving sizes.

It always felt embarrassing, seeing the nutritionist and the dieticians, especially when I was in my teens.  I struggled with my weight as a kid but didn’t ever dip into “overweight,” just more settled on the heavier end of the approved spectrum.  I hated meal plans and the emotional influence of food on my life.  Visiting the plastic food lady as part of the flow every few endocrinologist appointments felt shameful, and I wondered what my classmates would think if they knew I was lectured about eating and food every few months.  Would they know how complicated my relationship with food really was?  Dietician appointments felt like mini-fat camps, and even though I did feel better-informed leaving the appointments, I still felt stupid and ashamed that there were required in the first place.

Moving forward a few decades, diabetes is still very much in play.  I don’t see a dietician as often now as I did when I was growing up, but I do attend a lot of diabetes conferences where registered nurses, dieticians, and nurse educators present, giving me access to refresher courses on food, eating well, and the latest in food and diabetes research. The plastic food is still in play, only the plastics aren’t relegated to my CDE’s bookcases anymore.  Now, the plastics are invading my home.  My daughter’s room is awash with kitchen playthings and miniature versions of what my dietician used as visual aids back in the day.  We talk quite a bit about food and why we eat the things we do.  I try not to let my food-through-the-lens-of-diabetes mindset invade how she sees her plate, even though it’s hard, since we spend so much time together and she sees so much of my diabetes day-to-day management (attempts).

“We need to eat healthy foods so we can grow to be strong and smart and healthy,” I tell her.  “Yeah, and we always need to eat something green with our meals,” she adds, knowingly.  “And sometimes we have juice in the fridge, but it’s for your low blood sugars.”

I don’t want my daughter to think that there are so many food “rules.”  I want her to eat things that make her feel good and that taste good, without looking at her plate and thinking her value as a person rests there.

In her room, she ‘cooks’ up a storm, throwing random items into the plastic stock pot on her pretend stove.  “We need an eggplant, and a hard boiled eggie, and some ash … ash … ASHparagust, and Wonder Woman,” with all of the aforementioned tossed into the “boiling” water.

“What are you cooking, Birdzone?”

“I’m making soup. It will be so delicious. When I’m done, you can have a bowl.”

“What’s in it?”

“Don’t worry, Mommy.  There’s something green in there.  There’s ashparagust.”

March is National Nutrition Month (more about that on the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics website), and this year’s campaign encourages people to “Enjoy the taste of eating right.”  The phrasing of that message is so hopeful, and without residual shame:  enjoy.  Enjoy the taste of eating right, whatever “right” might be for you.Yes!  I’d like to!  I’ll do that!

My hope is to eventually shake the preposition off “eating with diabetes” and just focus on “eating.”

Hashtag Motherhood with Diabetes.

“What is that?” my daughter’s friend asked me from over her plate of scrambled eggs as I was watching the two kids for the morning.

Before I could answer, my kid piped up, “That’s her insulin pump.  It has insulin in it.”

“Oh,” the other three year old answered, mouth full of eggs.  “What’s it for?”

“It has my medicine in it, for diabetes.  Remember?” I said, reminding my daughter’s friend of conversations we had at the beach over the summer, when she had previously asked me about my insulin pump.

“Yeah.  Hey, what’s that tunnel?”

Birdy interrupted again:  “That’s the tubing and it goes into her body and the insulin goes in the tube – insulin comes from a small bottle you cannot touch – and the tube is really squishy and Loopy likes to chase it,” and right on cue, the cat came leaping out of nowhere and batted at the pump tubing dangling between my hands as I primed my pump.

Both girls laughed.  “LOOPY!!!”

Loopy twirled, burped, and scampered back into living room in a flurry of gray fur.  The girls resumed breakfast, and I resumed prepping my new infusion set.

“Sometimes my mom has whoa blood sugars but most of the time we just eat the glucose tabs from the Glucose Tab Man and then it’s all better and we go back to playing with the dollhouse,” Birdy offered.

“What’s a glucose tab?” her friend asked.

“Oh, those are these!!”  Birdy leapt down from her chair and ran off to grab one of the blue jars.  “Sometimes mom lets me have a very, very, very small bite.  Do you want a very, very, very small bite?”

“YES!”

Which is how my daughter and her friend ended up chasing their scrambled eggs with very, very, very small bites of wildberry glucose tabs.

Diabetes Art Day: PWD Paper Dolls.

A few weeks, ago, I stumbled upon some really excellent paper dolls created by Hannah at LightBulbBooks.  Her aim was to create something that encouraged interests in science and engineering for young girls, and I loved her creations.  Birdy and I printed them out, colored them, and played for hours, talking about how she could be a scientist, if she wanted, or a firefighter.

Inspired by Hannah’s creations, I took my crappy art skills to paper and made my own PWD paper doll (with bonus cat):

[click here to download a printable PDF]

Birdy saw the paper doll before I scanned it and she laughed.  “Does the cat get to wear a pump, too?”

For more from Diabetes Art Day, check out the 2014 gallery!

How It Might Look.

Birdy tore by on a scooter and another little kid followed closely with a plastic shopping cart crammed with toy food.

“We’re superheroes!!!”  she yelled, out of breath as she zipped by.

“I can tell!” I answered, looking up from my papers.

I am the mom at playgroups who spends some of the time staring at an open Word document on my laptop, tapping away on the keys until the letters Centipede themselves around the screen and eventually come to form coherent thoughts.  I’m the mom who gets on the trampoline with her kid (and immediately wishes that she didn’t, mostly because I spend the whole time panicking about one of us falling off the edge).  And I’m the mom who occasionally fumbles through her purse and pulls out a piece of technology and stares at the graph on the screen, or grabs another piece of tech and bleeds with precision on it, or ferrets out a blue jar and eats several of those … giant smarties?

I am a mom with type 1 diabetes.

I sometimes wonder how it might look, through the eyes of the other parents and caregivers.  Do they think it’s gross that I deal with blood at playgroup?  Do they notice that I use hand wipes and carefully wipe down anything I’ve touched after testing my blood sugar, not because I’ve bled on everything but more because I want to demonstrate my respect for anyone’s potential concerns?  Do they think I’m a sugar-addict, sometimes popping glucose tabs into my mouth and simultaneously wiping beads of hypoglycemia sweat off my forehead?  Do they notice that my outfits always have a small pump bulge and usually some trailing tubing?  Do they think it’s unfashionable to have glucose tab dust smeared on the front of my shirt?

Diabetes parenting ... and a tutu.  Who doesn't love a good tutu?

Old school Bird

What’s most likely is that they don’t notice at all.  What feels like a big deal to me at times seems like an unremarkable blip on their overall parenting radar.  They probably see another parent, just doing their parenting thing, and are unaware of the small, tangible differences.  (I bet they’d notice if I didn’t shower, though.  That’s a hard one to miss.)

“Mom, come make pretend pudding with me!  In this little, toy kitchen with these real other kids!”

“Pretend pudding?  How can I resist?”

I am a mom with diabetes, not a-bunch-of-diabetes with a side of motherhood.  The proof is in the (pretend) pudding.

 

Diabetes Advocacy Postcards.

I told Birdy I needed to make some postcards for a diabetes project.  She wanted (insisted) to help, so we spent much of last night drawing insulin pumps on index cards.

World diabetes day postcard exchange project ... with help from the Bird.

My insulin pump has been part of her life since she was born, so it’s no wonder she knows the buttons and lines by heart, even though she had trouble fitting all the details where she wanted them.  “Mawm, I could only fit the O and not the O and the K for that OK button, okay?”

 

Photo-A-Day: Proud.

Today’s photo prompt is “proud.”

Don't even step.

I’m proudest of my littlest bird.

[the photo-a-day guide is here]

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