To my Little Guy,
Suddenly, you’re not so little.
Over the last few weeks, you’ve growth-spurted in a way that’s made every plant in this house super jelly. Pajamas that once fit with room to spare are threatening to hulk out at the feet and your appetite is already edging towards the scary things that moms of teenage boys told me. (“Prepare to have him eat you out of house and home!!!” they said, running to their second job that pays solely for their son’s lunch consumption.) Despite still running small for your age, you’re a completely proportionate tiny human tank.
Food is your favorite thing, after your sister and making the “pppbbbblllllltt” noise with your mouth. Most often you can be found in the high chair eating sweet potatoes, scrambled eggs, peanut butter and bananas mashed together (that’s your favorite this month), and your hands. Still no gluten until you’re over a year old, like we did with your sister.
You’d very much like the cats to be your friends, but so far only Loopy will give you the time of day. She comes up and purrs maniacally, weaving herself in and out of your reach and letting you pet (mash) her on the head. Siah, on the other hand, is horrified by your existence and keeps serious distance between her fur and your paws.
Unrelated: Squirrels and chipmunks seem to like you just fine and they grin at you when we go from the front door to the car.
I finished breastfeeding recently and you’re now on formula. Ending breastfeeding was a difficult choice but one kind of forced, in part, by the eye injury that resurfaced a few weeks ago. I wasn’t able to feed you because I couldn’t see or manage pain very well during that episode of corneal chaos, so you were receiving pumped breastmilk instead of being able to latch on to me. Fast forward a few days once I had recovered and putting you on my breast didn’t produce food fast enough for you, so you fussed and freaked out. Back to bottles of breastmilk (and formula) until pumping wasn’t an option anymore, either. (Not being able to physically feed you myself slowed production down to nothing. And yes, I’m writing about breastfeeding you again. Stop rolling your eyes.)
With the stopping of breastfeeding finally brought an end to the deluge of pregnancy-related hormones that took up intense residence in my body, and that’s been a very positive mental shift. The postpartum anxiety thing has tapered off quite a bit, in part due to cognitive behavioral therapy once a week and also the lack of hormonal influence. (We also joined a gym, you and I … more on that in a non-you post.) I’m feeling like I’m more capable of taking good care of you instead of feeling like I’m holding on to everything by a thread.
And with a more relaxed mindset, I’ve realized you’re it … the last little baby I’ll ever have. Watching you grow so fast has made me want to slow time down. Which translates into you and I reading a lot of books together, or going for walks with your stroller. We snuggle, often. And I like to look into your eyes and wonder what color they’ll eventually settle on. Time goes by very quickly and I am trying to spend as much of it as I can with you and your sister.
We’re lucky to have you, little Guy. So very lucky. And while I want to enjoy the little friend that you are, I am looking forward to seeing whoever it is you become.
Now go to sleep.