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Muted.

Ahh bullet points.  Ye be the only(e) way I can process things at the moment.

  • I don’t have a lot to say over here lately, and there are a dozen different reasons for that.  One is that the new baby kiddo keeps me extremely busy, what with his cluster feeding and chatty ways, and also the fact that he is still not much of a nighttime sleeper, with his sleepless nights becoming my sleepless nights.  Which translates into not a lot of creative brain power during the daylight hours.
  • (But holy fuck am I creative at night.  I make up songs on the fly, can produce ounces of breastmilk without a second thought, and have taken to texting writing ideas to myself with one hand while hugging Guy Smiley with the other.  The problem is executing on these ideas once the sun rises, because it’s then that I fall apart.)
  • The baby is getting much bigger, though, and even though we’ve had some issues getting him to gain weight (not a problem now – more on that tomorrow or Friday), he’s thriving perfectly now.  He has also entered that super smiley/finally giving feedback stage, which I love.  The baby grins and gurgles are my favorite.  He sounds so much like his sister at this stage, and yet he’s so distinctly himself.  His smile lights up the room, even when he’s spitting up into my freshly washed hair.
  • My kids are my focus these days, which keeps my heart full but my blog kind of empty-ish.
  • I’m also reluctant to get political in public, mostly because the diabetes community is united by busted pancreases and political discussions have the potential to cut our crucial community in half, but the election did not go the way I had hoped and I have grave concerns about health insurance, safety, and social issues these days.  This is contributing to the maelstrom of thoughts in my head, and the CGM frowns on my desire for Tylenol.
  • The election circus also sort of sucked the wind out of my sails in terms of diabetes awareness month activities, as well.  I’m having a difficult time focusing on the diabetes community when the country as a whole seems to be imploding to a certain extent.  I wear my blue circle pin when I’m out and I gave a presentation at a local hospital system last night, but for the most part, I’ve felt quieter than normal these days.
  • And another reason for my silence is that diabetes isn’t fun to talk about lately.  Back when I first started blogging, I would share a lot of the minutiae because I’d never had the chance to get that sort of stuff off my chest before.  Talking about a rogue low blood sugar that hit while I was in the shower?  That story came out easily.  But all of those diabetes moments feel redundant lately.  Yes, I was low.  I was high.  I was frustrated.  I was burnt out.  I was empowered.  I made steps forward in some areas, backwards in others.  It isn’t interesting to me at the moment.  When I think about diabetes, it’s this hamster wheel of the same tasks and the same emotions earning similar outcomes.  I’m still living with this disease, still trying to manage it, still having good and bad days.  Documenting those moments isn’t coming as easily to me anymore.
  • Maybe it’s because of my increased desire to keep more things private, even in the health space.  I looked back at some of my past blogs and saw that I’d chronicled a lot more of my pregnancy with Birdy than I did with my son.  I definitely blame infertility and fear of losing another pregnancy for that silence, but even now that my son is out and safe, I’m still reluctant to share a whole bunch about him.  I have a monthly letter than I’ve been writing to him (there’s two done already and a third one is in my mental queue … maybe I’ll feel up to sharing that third one here sometime) but I like keeping those in his email account (password to be given to him when he’s older).
  • Maybe this privacy surge is a result of being older.  Or tired.  (Or maybe being tired is a result of being older.  See also: non-sleepy cute infant person)
  • I love the diabetes community – truly love it – and I remain a big fan of blogging,  but maybe long form blogging is starting to shift a little bit.  Lots of activity on Instagram and Twitter (never got into Snapchat – my luck, the cat would walk by and puke while I was recording a video or something), but the long and winding blog posts are harder to find these days.  Do they require more effort to read?  I keep seeing things on Medium marked as “long reads” that are also marked as “8 minutes” and that sends me into “get off my lawn” mode because is eight minutes really a long read?  Does that means all books are becoming pamphlets and Jodi Picoult will suddenly start writing her tomes in tiny tattoo form?
  • I think I’m a little tired, overall.  Tired of diabetes (post-pregnancy burnout in full swing, thank you very much) and tired from adjusting to the arrival, chaos, and joy of a newborn baby. (I think there’s some guilt half-baked into that, because I wanted my son so much that I feel a little guilty about some of the exhausted frustration I’ve felt.  I could not possibly love him more, and I simultaneously could not need a nap more.)

Things will settle down.  I’ll post here as time allows and as inspiration strikes.  Diabetes will always be here, right?  It’s okay to take a breather from talking incessantly about it.

90% of my day is this snuggly.

A photo posted by Kerri Sparling (@sixuntilme) on

20 Comments Post a comment
  1. Melissa Lee #

    So relate, love. Thinking of you always though. We’d appreciate more cat photos if nothing else. After all, it’s the internet.

    11/16/16; 2:48 pm
  2. I second everything Melissa said!!! (And that isn’t just my lazy ass way of leaving a comment without actually leaving a comment……)

    11/16/16; 3:00 pm
    • Repeating comments, Karen? 😉 Now you need to post a cat picture, too! #blamepete and #blamemelissa

      11/16/16; 3:01 pm
  3. Deb #

    Wow, he really looks like Birdy! BTW, what is his pseudonym for internet purposes?

    11/16/16; 3:23 pm
    • I totally saw Chris in him in the picture (which is wild because I never catch resemblances in babies!). (Also: adorbz baby hair)

      I’ve been in a super blogging slump for awhile. I forced myself to fake blog everyday in October (by which I mean half the posts were prefaced with “catching up”). Go where the adventure takes you–and continue to master one handed typing, ’cause even without kids that’s when the ideas hit. (And maybe invest in the Loopy phone case because it’s great for that and also for not killing phones by repeated free falls. Also because LOOPY. 🙂

      11/16/16; 11:27 pm
  4. Rachel F #

    I think it’s getting older for me. First too busy with school, now dealing with this awful grief. I talked more about divorce, but there’s too much that’s going on affecting what remains of my original family unit. Sigh. I could use a lot of health support as things weren’t great at last endo appointment right before everything happened, and need motivation stat.

    11/16/16; 3:38 pm
  5. Martha #

    Nice post, and no, we can’t give in to 8 minutes being considered a long read, but you should absolutely only blog as the mood strikes. I can’t blame you for being reluctant to get political but so many in the pre-existing condition world are in solidarity with you, as I’m sure you know. Including my nephew who has Crohn’s, so it’s not just us. Imagining a world in which Medicare covers CGM’s seems like a distant dream right now, does it not? We’ll live to fight another day, though!

    P.S. When your second child reaches 3 months is when the severe ass-kicking sets in. It gets better 🙂

    11/16/16; 3:41 pm
  6. I’m completely knocked out by the election. This week I extra-appreciate it when people who I don’t know as political people turn out to share the same concerns. I think it strengthens our community.

    Your family is so lovely. I’m grateful you share what you can!

    11/16/16; 3:50 pm
  7. Even when you’re explaining how you’re not writing, you are such an excellent writer. Everyone is still reeling from the results. We have to take it one day at a time.

    11/16/16; 3:53 pm
  8. Jane #

    I can totally relate to the nighttime creative thoughts. When my guy was an infant, I kept coming up with great stories and “million dollar ideas.” I forgot them all by morning. Guess that’s why I went back to work. Ha.

    Your Canadian friends worry about your healthcare system, too. We too have had the experience of a terrible leader who wanted to take away our rights and destroy our country’s good reputation. But your new prez really takes the cake. And the insulin.

    11/16/16; 8:01 pm
  9. Sue #

    Baby is adorable. Of course you are tired- just embrace this time and space.

    11/16/16; 8:05 pm
  10. Genna #

    Beautiful baby!!!!

    11/16/16; 8:05 pm
  11. Tamara Smith #

    My kids are teens but I understand having the ground knocked from under you by the election results.

    I did want to say how much I love your idea of sending emails to accounts you’ve set up for the kids to have access to at a later date. Wish I had thought of that when my kids were younger.

    11/16/16; 8:12 pm
  12. This is what I call a sagoodical!

    All the creativity in the world doesn’t help when there’s no energy to back it up and see it through. You’re still fundamentally YOU in there. And someday when energy returns, you will emerge more enlightened and enriched. You will be wiser and stronger. And, who says life has to stay the same anyway? Do you expect yourself to continue to give and give and give? Change is change is change is change. Love yourself. Love your hubby. Love your kids. Love your Loopy. Family is the only thing that matters in the end. Surely, your diabetes family understands that.

    But, please, oh please, continue to take a few 30 seconds or so here and there to insert Potty-mouthed commentary into our social media feeds!

    Hugs to you, momma of two.

    11/17/16; 12:28 am
  13. I agree w Melissa & Karen!!! We need more kitty pic, PLEEZE!!!

    Hang i there, Mamma!!! Soon enough, u will be wondering where the time went!!! I hope the precious boy learns to sleep at night soon!!! LoveLove Love the pic and the baby hair!!!

    Thanks for taking the time to write a post even when u didn’t feel ur best!!! HUGS!!!!

    11/17/16; 1:26 am
  14. Sandy T #

    It sounds like you are doing what you should right now….getting in lots of snuggles. We can all wait until you feel like coming back, if you do. He’s so cute, how would you not want to snuggle him? I hope you are able to enjoy the time with him while he’s still young.

    11/17/16; 8:43 am
  15. Kathy #

    Like the lady said, we’re stronger together. And like any family, you’re a part of the DOC whether you’re online or off. (Lately I much prefer ‘off’ myself, and you have a better excuse – make that two!) Some days, we just do the best that we can. Hang in there. <3

    11/17/16; 8:54 am
  16. It’ll come back to you eventually Kerri! I was totally wiped out after my second. The single child seemed so easy in comparison. You that “sleep when baby sleeps” thing? Yeah, that doesn’t work when you have two children!

    We’ll be here when you’re ready to blog to us again. Sending you “sleep through the night, will ya” wishes your way

    11/19/16; 1:45 pm
  17. I totally get where you are coming from Kerry. I’ve had to slow down on the social media bit, the blogging which like you I used to love to do (and still do, but the clock only has 24 hours). Juggling work, life, it’s tough and other priorities in life have taken over at this point in time, and the best I can do is … Instagram … Sock Monkey … and well. We are all connected whether we are here 24/7 or just once in awhile … that’s the main thing … we get each other – life is too short!

    11/20/16; 12:26 pm

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