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Spring-Loaded Navel Gazing.

(Edit: I had originally written “naval gazing” instead of “navel gazing.” Thus illustrating the point of this post, which is that my mind is quickly becoming mush. Thanks, Bobby, for the edit. 🙂 )

It’s week 35 of this fetus party.  All I have left to give are bullet points.

  • My stomach moves.  Often.  To be more precise, it’s my baby who is moving, and making my stomach look possessed in the process.  It’s jarring to look down and watch the swirling storm of baby boy moving around happily in there.
  • It was also slightly jarring to be onstage for a panel last week in NYC and to have the baby going berserk while I was trying to talk.  I hope attendees thought I was trying to emphatically state my case instead of trying to dislodge the baby from my ribcage.
  • (I may have been doing both.)
  • At this point with my daughter, I was already in the hospital on pre-eclampcia instigated bed rest, so it’s weird to be home.
  • Don’t get me wrong:  I AM HAPPY TO BE HOME.  Bed rest sucked and I have no desire to repeat that experience.  But the last time I was 35 weeks pregnant, I was trapped in hospital; this time, I’m home and trying to be a productive member of our household.  I have no concept of what I should/shouldn’t feel up to doing.
  • Problem is, I have a bit of a nesting problem.
  • If you click on that link, notice the picture of the lady who is showered and wearing make up and has combed her hair and is happily – serenely! – dusting the front of her cabinet. That’s not the kind of nesting I am feeling.  No serenity here.  I want to rip all the weeds out of the front garden with my bare hands, name them all, and then jam them into the compost bin.  I want to paint the upstairs hallway.  I want to crochet a tea cozy big enough to put over my car to protect it from bird shit.  The urge to reorganize the books in my office by color and then by author’s favorite ice cream flavor is taking over my brain.
  • And yet I can’t sit still long enough to answer more than five emails at a time.  There’s a disconnect between “productive use of my time” and “full-out hormonal spazzery.”
  • Being home instead of the hospital is great, but is bringing about a new set of worries that I didn’t experience with my first pregnancy.
  • Like “what happens when your water breaks?”  My water never broke the first time. My daughter arrived via scheduled c-section after a few weeks of close monitoring, so I never even had a contraction.  The first contraction I ever experienced was when I miscarried last summer, making me feel even more uneasy about contractions.  Mentally, I’m unprepared for labor.
  • Physically, I’m as prepared as I can be.  I am delivering at a hospital that is about two hours from my home, so the journey there can’t be delayed.  I have a suitcase packed.  So does my daughter (so she can spend a night or two with my mother while we help her brother escape).  But the idea of that drive on top of potential labor stuff makes me twitchy.
  • (Of course we have a more local, true emergency, plan, but I want to deliver where my established care team is, so that’s our goal.)
  • I am also in bi-weekly appointment mode with my high risk maternal fetal medicine team, which means I am in Boston twice a week to check on the baby and for any potential issues.  I have been told to bring a suitcase to those appointments, too, as they may decide it’s go-time based on a single appointment, and I won’t have another four hours to go back and forth again.
  • Which means I’ve been living out of a suitcase for the past week, and will continue to pack-and-repack the same suitcase until the baby is born.
  • Thankfully, I only have about three outfits that fit somewhat properly, so it’s an easy cycle of packing and unpacking.
  • And I still have diabetes.  Yep, still there.  Still chronic.  Still want to shove it into a tin can and send it down a garbage chute.
  • My total daily dose of insulin is up significantly from pre-pregnancy numbers, but not quite in the triple-zone that I hit before giving birth to my daughter.  With Birdy, I was taking just about 100 units of insulin per day to achieve solid numbers.  This round, I’m taking about 65 units per day so far, though numbers still might climb as these last few weeks progress.
  • My insulin:carb ratios are getting crazy, though.  I was at 1:12 before pregnancy, and am already down to 1:6 so far.  That ratio change is increasing my TDD the most, as my basal rates aren’t too ramped up.
  • A1C remains exactly where I want it.  As does my blood pressure.  My weight is … weighty, but my son is in a very good percentile, so that’s my main concern.  I’ll gain a few extra here and there so long as he is fine.
  • And I remain afraid to put my infusion set into the taut, bulbous chaos that my stomach has become, so my insulin pump has been rotating around my hips and arms for the last few months.  Thankfully, as I get bigger, real estate options expand as well, but it gets harder to install new sites when I can’t exactly bend at the waist.
  • HA!!  Waist.  I don’t have one of those anymore.  It was left behind back in May sometime.  See ya.
  • Siah thinks the baby’s room is HER new room, which is bullshit.  Even when we have the door shut, she picks the lock and eases herself in there, sleeping on the toy box in the corner and burping occasionally.
  • These cats have no idea what they’re in for.  Again.
  • Truly in the home stretch now.  “Stretch” being the operative word, as I have real concerns about the stability of my belly button.  I fear that if I cough or roll the wrong way, it will launch from my body and hit the wall, like a champagne bottle cork.
  • Bring it on, kiddo.  I’m ready to meet you soon.  And to be reunited with a view of my feet.


12 Comments Post a comment
  1. So glad everything is going well! 🙂 I am 23 weeks today and just started feeling real kicks on the outside – super cool! I also just moved to southern NH and in the process of setting up with new docs. I coae a doctor who is 30 mins away and a hospital that’s 45 mins away – only reason I didn’t consider Boston was the long drive (1 hr 20 min from home without traffic) – not a problem for appointments but sounded scary to me to be so far away when it’s go time.. But reading this I am thinking that maybe I could do a big Boston hospital as long as I have a more local backup plan… Aside: I interviewed for a position at BWH last week so that may be a good place to deliver if that works out 😉 sorry for the rant, I have pregnancy brain mush going on – the real deal

    08/1/16; 11:28 am
    • While I’m happy you have a closer doctor, I wish you were coming into Boston for your appointments! We could T1D Meet Up in the waiting room. 😀

      08/1/16; 1:26 pm
  2. Rochelle #

    So excited for you! I had my baby 4 months ago and I had developed pre-e symptoms at my 37 week check-up and I did not go home, but stayed at the hospital to deliver. No fun, but at least I was packed and my hubby could just grab our bags and meet me there (and bonus, the hospital’s only 10 minutes from home!). And your nesting story has me lol-ing. At 32 weeks I was on my hands and knees, scrubbing the grout in the floor of my giant bathroom with baking soda, vinegar and a toothbrush. What??? Never in my actual right mind would I do something like that. Pregnancy is whack.

    08/1/16; 4:02 pm
  3. Vicki #

    Thank you for sharing. You are so beautiful! I remember all of those feelings, (sans the diabetes) like it was yesterday. Birdie’s brother will be here soon! Yippee!

    08/1/16; 6:02 pm
  4. It’s August, having lived with a woman in her 9th month of pregnancy, I suggest staying cool. If memory serves me correctly, (oh yeah I will never forget that August) it can make some folks a little grouchy. But I bet you knew that already?

    I referred your blog to the blog page for the week of August 1, 2016.

    08/1/16; 10:09 pm
    • WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GROUCHY?!!! (Yes. 😉 )

      08/1/16; 10:13 pm
      • I may have suggested that ahh shorts were a little, ahh not the best look. It has been 36 years and I am still reminded of the day almost every month. In fact It was August 1 yesterday and I was reminded of that mistake just yesterday.

        I was young what cna i say,

        08/2/16; 4:14 pm
  5. Hi Kerri, wishing you the very best for these last couple of weeks! I’m guessing you can’t wait to have your body/diabetes back to yourself once the kiddo arrives…

    08/1/16; 10:56 pm
  6. Nikki L. #

    Best of luck! Thanks for sharing your journey with us! It is more encouraging than you may realize, and you have lots of supporters cheering you on 🙂

    08/2/16; 3:06 pm
  7. Water breaking advice: eat something. I don’t know about the diabetes part of all that, but I told Slade to make me a sandwich before I let him take me to the hospital. I knew they wouldn’t let me eat once I was there! Lea took 22 hours after my water broke to make an appearance, so I was mighty happy for that meal at home. Also, it’s not as messy/crazy as on TV. 😉

    08/2/16; 3:30 pm
  8. I agree with Stacey. It can be subtle and tiny squirts as if you are just peeing your pants, which might not be too out of the question at this stage anyway! I remember water breaking as I swung/flung myself out of bed one morning. I still had plastic for the carseat with something absorbent on top for the ride to the hospital. And of course, there’s always the chance they’ll break your water for you. 🙂 Either way girl, you’re gonna get wet! 🙂

    I love seeing your bump and hearing about his acrobatic nature, but what I really want to know is have you decided upon a clever little nickname yet? Birdy and ______?

    Much love and luck and hugs and prayers your way for a safe journey to Boston and a blessedly uncomplicated, easy delivery. So exciting!

    08/4/16; 9:29 am
  9. So happy for you (and Chris) as I read this post. I remember reading your posts as you were sitting in hospital waiting for Birdy to finish incubating safely, this must be such a different experience! (I still remember you put a sign in your hospital room window to see if anyone else was out there!) I hope the weather plays nice for you in these last few weeks and I cannot wait to hear the happy news of B-Sparl2 🙂 – maybe Bug for a nickname? Birdy and Bug? Or Bear? Actually Birdy and Bear might be my favourite combo 😉

    Much love! Susannah x

    08/4/16; 2:37 pm

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