Diabetes and I are not getting along these days. Not even a little bit.
Funny how that shit happens. You’re rolling along [insert lilting “do de doooo” tune here] and then BAM Dexcom graphs start to get weird and BAM other health concerns start issuing commands that dominate the conversation and BAM all of a sudden, my blood sugars are absolute garbage and I need to reboot my whole system.
So okay, fine. I’ll reboot my system. Only it’s having trouble rebooting because of a few hard-to-change-at-the-moment things. Like a demanding travel schedule for work. And some meds that are gaffing up my blood sugar numbers all on their own. And my unparalleled ability to instantly be distracted. These aren’t excuses, but they are reasons, and these reasons are keeping me from rebooting entirely. Instead, I’m temporarily stuck in that spinning pinwheel of rainbow doom that my old laptop was stuck in, going around and around in an attempt to reboot but ends up being a “press the power button until the whole thing powers down” moment.
(Yes, I also cannot stop staring at that thing while it spins. It pulls me in. Siren song of Mac doom.)
I’m aware of a lot of my shortcomings, though, and I recognize that a full reboot isn’t going to help. I am not a “change everything all at once” sort of diabetes repair woman. I’m more of a “change one thing, then change something else” type, leaving me with a breadcrumb trail of good decisions that eventually brings me back to better blood sugar control. It’s a mixed metaphor that has yet to involve Hansel (he’s so hot right now, so I should get on that), but in time, I can wiggle these glucose numbers back into a better groove.
This time, I know it’s my response time to data that needs the most attention. I have to be checking my glucose more regularly (and not simply in the morning, before bed, and whenever the CGM needs to be calibrated) and responding to the data I collect ASAP. (Calling it “data” helps keep me from feeling like those numbers are little pockets of judgement and self-worth assessments.) High? Correct it. Low? Don’t over-treat it. In range? Do a happy dance in the kitchen because hot damn. But the bottom line is PAY ATTENTION.
Complaining about this crap helps, but working to fix the parts I’m complaining about helps more. This was my whine. Now it’s time to work.