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No Disassemble.

I need to exorcise the technology demons in my house.  Because everything is breaking.

It started several months ago, the issue with my laptop, but in the last two weeks, my computer has gone entirely bananas.  I have a Macbook Air as my primary office computer and the bulk of my work is on that machine.  And it worked fine for several years, until the trackpad on the computer started to over-react to everything.  I’d tap my finger on the trackpad and every email in my inbox would open, files would delete themselves, and browser windows threw themselves against the side of the glass.  Crazy shit.

“Why are you so sensitive?!” I yelled at the computer.

“I don’t knooooooooooooow!!” It sobbed in return.

I did a lot of Google searches, and my computer wasn’t the only one feeling super fragile and sensitive.  It was not alone.  (And if your computer is going berserk, you are not alone.)  But last week, while traveling, the computer refused to click on any damn thing while simultaneously clicking on every damn thing, it wouldn’t connect to wifi, and it bit me when I opened it.  (Sharp teeth on that little sucker.)  Because I do not work in a formal office but instead house my business entirely in a computer, I had to make the rotten decision to replace my computer.

Fine.  That problem is solved, albeit in the most expensive and irritating way possible.  Then last night my FitBit decided to go rogue on me, in the middle of an intensely competitive FitBit challenge, rendering it useless.  This morning, my Dexcom receiver did that weird “BEEEEEEEEEP!” thing where static electricity or something courses through it and it restarts on its own.  En route to a doctor’s appointment at the crack of dawn this morning, the GPS in my car took me to somewhere that was not the doctor’s office but instead a supermarket (so I bought apples).

Everything with a battery or a digital footprint is breaking.  I’m afraid.  And then I realized that the way I receive my insulin is via an insulin pump, powered by a battery, chock full o’ breakable technology.  A cold panic washed over me as I worried the tech demons were contagious.

“Shhhhhhh … you’re okay.  You’re my friend,” I said to my insulin pump, as I held it in the palm of my hand like a fuzzy hamster.  “Be good.  No disassemble.  Keep working,” I murmured to it, stroking it gently with one fingertip.

Here’s hoping.

7 Comments Post a comment
  1. If your pump’s name is Johnny 5, that would be AWESOME.

    (said in same overly-excited tone as, “I feel ALIVE!!!!”)

    05/27/15; 2:03 pm
  2. Dan #

    Hi Kerri,

    Momma said there would be days like this. There would be days like this, my Momma said. Thanks for the notes and comments and I know that you will get through this day too. Or, as Captain Ahab pointed out in Moby Dick, There will be more headwinds than there will be tail winds. May you be blessed with some sunny skies and warm summer tailwinds. I appreciate your unique and very special postings. Thanks!

    As always have a great day.


    05/27/15; 4:20 pm
  3. Thanks for the chuckle. I realize it’s a bit mean to laugh at some else’s electronic misery but you know what they say about misery…and I’d rather laugh than the alternative – swearing and throwing it across the room, only to have my 10 year old scold me. Not that that happened…yet. 🙂

    05/27/15; 4:21 pm
  4. I had a week in college where my laptop, DVD player, and insulin pump all freaked out and died in the same week. I’ve always been one to attract random freaky flukey technology failures…. It’s not fun… I’ve wondered if I emit some odd magnetic waves… Luckily or unfortunately this kind of bad luck tends to come in 3s and then leave…

    05/27/15; 4:34 pm
  5. As the saying goes: When tech turns rotten, make apple juice. (or something like that — but I like how you took advantage of the misguided GPS to buy apples).

    And now you’re got me wanting to of invent some sort of fuzzy hamster insulin pump slipper-sock. With a long, transparent, plastic tail (that likes to hang from doorknobs).

    05/27/15; 5:04 pm
  6. cavs #

    haha. Nice post. great information wrapped in a dose of good laugh . Thank you.

    05/28/15; 6:33 am
  7. First, a Short Circuit reference is always the answer. Second, it’s probably Skynet. The machines are coming after us. The only answer is an Arnold-esque robot from a the future.

    05/29/15; 4:23 pm

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