Guest Post: Someone Who Understands.
Part of what drew me to the idea of creating a diabetes blog was the search for, and the hope of finding, people who understood. Google was a dark abyss of bad news and depressing statistics; what I needed was to connect with others who were living life, with diabetes along for the ride. That same connection still feels necessary, now almost a decade later. This morning, fellow PWD Heather Gabel has offered to guest post about the search for and the becoming of Someone Who Understands.
* * *
Holidays are meant to bring family, friends, and loved ones together. It is the nature of holidays to feel warm feelings, give hugs and thanks, and to eat all the treats you can.
I would be fibbing if I said the ‘Holiday Spirit’ didn’t consume me each year. I start preparing for December 25th on November 28th. The giving and the hugging and the loving fills me with a sort of joy that I don’t find as readily accessible in other times of the year. However, ever since diagnosis, which for me was at 11, there has always been something missing. One piece of the puzzle that until last year I could not seem to find.
Pardon this cheesy attempt to convey the overall sentiment, but to feel complete during the holidays, all I want for Christmas is … Someone Who Understands.
I want someone who knows what it is like to wake up in the morning on Christmas and do diabetes things before joining the family. I want to talk about what it feels like to miss those moments of laughter coming from where you would have been if diabetes didn’t take those minutes away. I want someone who has been through the “Should you be eating that?” and that saddened glare when mom sees that you have stolen one of Santa’s cookies.
Connecting with someone who understands is so powerful during the holidays, when what makes you different feels isolating and you really get the FOMO (fear of missing out) going on.
Last year I stumbled upon something that filled that gap. What was it you ask? Why, the DOC [Diabetes Online Community] of course.
This outstanding community of individuals, via Twitter, Facebook, blogs, TuDiabetes, Glu, Children with Diabetes, or other social networking site, has connected me to a SWU (Someone Who Understands). And, to even more capture the holiday spirit, the DOC allows me to be someone else’s SWU.
The DOC is a birthplace of friendship. Year after year, you get to know your DOC friends more and more.
I was talking with Mike Lawson about this recently and he described something I hadn’t really addressed before. He said that before he started going to conferences and meet ups, it felt like he had two distinct groups of ‘friends’. His “friend-friends” being those he physically spent time with and his “online-friends” being those in the DOC. When he started going to conferences and meeting face to face with the people he knew so well online, the groups began to merge. The lines between them became fuzzy and overlapping.
As a PWD (person with diabetes), and a PWD who has now attended four diabetes conferences, I couldn’t agree with Mike Lawson more.
Meeting people you know well through online platforms feels strange and almost backwards. You know their secrets, their fears, their hopes and dreams, and then you meet them and begin small talk because you don’t know much about their home life, their job, responsibilities, their family.
Relationships develop online, but they seal in person.
As a PWD who is 23, the holiday gap is not entirely filled by the DOC, and this is why: finding a Someone Who Understands who is close to my age is incredibly difficult online.
I don’t always feel a need to talk to someone in my exact same boat, usually if you have diabetes that is sharing waters and thus close enough. But there are times when I want to connect with a PWD who is wondering what to do after college, how to land a entry level job that offers good enough insurance, how to wear a bikini with both CGM and pump sites hooked in, etc.
There are programs out there bringing together 20-somethings with diabetes. There is College Diabetes Network, Friends For Life, Students with Diabetes, Facebook groups such as Females w/ Diabetes, Diabesties, etc. There are mentor programs like Insulliance via Beta Connect and fundraising young adult groups such as JDRF YLC chapters. BUT, there still seems to be something lacking.
It is a feeling of solidarity. Where is a core group of PWD’s going through life post college? Where do we meet up? How do we stay in contact? I am certain that there are groups of friends with diabetes in the 20 something range who would completely disagree with me. You interact constantly and feel supported by your peers. That is wonderful! Where do I sign up?
If this is your circumstance, I urge you to grow your group. Find ways to connect with others who are blogging and tweeting and Facebooking. Make a blog, yourself, and invite others your age to read it. (A great example of someone who recently started this process is Walt. He is a 20-something who has yet to meet another PWD in person. He couldn’t find the voice, so he started it.)
During this holiday season, the DOC could become greater, more powerful. We could reach out, and welcome floaters and lurkers and plan to meet or attend the same conferences. We could inspire them to begin sharing their vital voice. It could be a merrier year in the DOC, if we collaborated and sought out a 20-something group of advocates, writers, athletes, innovators, students, shakers, and makers.
I feel certain that there is complete openness for something like this to develop within the DOC. We just have to begin moving in that direction. (Hey veterans, any ideas of how to begin?)
If you are a 20-something and write a blog, leave your URL in a comment below and share if you are interested in forming a solidarity group. How can we better support each other? Moving forward through life’s many stages would feel more safe if we could all experience it together.
If you are interested in reading some diabetes blog’s by 20 somethings:
* * *
After graduating from UC Berkeley with a degree in East Asian religion and philosophy, Heather Gabel joined the Diabetes Hands Foundation team in fall 2012. While working there, she has become greatly involved in the diabetes community, both online and off. Heather founded an organization called Beta Connect that inspires positive language practices in people with diabetes through the implementation of mentorship programs at hospitals and healthcare centers.
And please, if you’re a 20something blogger living with diabetes and you want to find, or be, that Someone Who Understands, please leave a link to your blog in the comments. Make the search easier!