Do You Hate Diabetes?

I asked some friends on Facebook if they hated diabetes, and the answers* were as varied as the folks responding:

• “I hate it, the hassle, and the complications but I do not hate the growth amd strength I’ve achieved or the family I’ve gained because of it.”
• “I don’t hate it as a thing but it does annoy me. At the same time I am very thankful that if I must have a problem of this type at least there are good doctors and advancing technology to help me live a normalish life.”
• “I didn’t used to hate it when I was younger-I think because I had camp. But at this point, to be honest, I do tend to hate it.”
• “Do I hate diabetes in general? Yes probably … I hate that it causes so much pain and suffering all over the world. I hate that people die from it and that companies exploit us living with it to make crazy profits. But do I hate living with it? Yes I dislike it very much.. and at times in rage I would say hate. But diabetes has opened so many doors for me and taught me a great appreciation for life. It’s easy for me to say that however within my environment. So who am I to judge anyone for saying that they hate it!”
• “I don’t hate it, but it makes me tired and exasperated too often.”
• “I don’t hate it. When I think about the ailments some of my other friends/acquaintances have, I am thankful this one isn’t a death sentence.”
• “It’s a love/hate relationship. I wish none of us had it, or had to deal with the daily demands of it, and all the bullshit that comes with it. That’s the part I hate about it. But without it, I wouldn’t have met many of the people that make all the difference in my world, what I’m going back to school for wouldn’t be as clear, and my profession wouldn’t be as meaningful to me and (hopefully) others. I might not have as much empathy for others if I hadn’t lived my whole life with diabetes. Diabetes keeps me from being an asshole. Mostly.”
• “I don’t hate it. Hate stirs up sadness, anger and emotions of feeling trapped. Hard to work with it if I hate it. But I wish to the depths of my core that I didn’t have to face it every day; every minute. It’s hard. It’s horrible. But it’s not hate.”
• “I’ve always wished I didn’t have it (obviously), and I hate what it’s done to my body and how much it’s cost in both money and effort, but I’ve never hated the disease itself. It’s just part of who I am.”
• “On some days or in certain moments, YES with a passion. However, most of the time, I’m kind of indifferent about it or it can feel like a minor annoyance or inconvenience. On rare occasions I actually feel that it gives my life more meaning.”
• “Every damn bit of it, except for seeing how exceptional my daughter is in spite of it.”
• “On an overall day I don’t hate it but when I stop to think about the expense or the guilt when I pig out on something or thinking about potential long term effects I hate it. I also hate it when it interrupts a full night of sleep which is does most nights but during the day I’m not walking around with hate on my mind.”
• “No. Hating takes so much energy, emotion & attention. I already give diabetes so much of those. I don’t want to give it more.”
• “No time for hate. To busy being SO ANNOYED.”

• “I feel hate is too strong a word. I don’t enjoy living with it but that’s the thing… it lives with me not in place of me. It doesn’t stop me from particular events in life but it does have me consider them more. For instance I have never had an A1c lower than 8% and therefore have never been given “the go ahead to ttc ” but in saying that it won’t wholly define our choice, our timing nor the outcome.  It can be hard, tiring and frustrating but it isn’t worth hating.  I probably wouldn’t be the person I have become, without it.”
• “Hate maybe isn’t the right word…but I certainly resent it. I get that people appreciate the community and relationships they’ve made because of diabetes, but didn’t we seek those things out as a way to cope? Just think of what we could have done if we hadn’t felt the need to find that support. I doubt I’d have a spotless medical record without diabetes, but starting with a level playing field would have been nice.”
• “Well, I don’t hate mine, but I kind of hate other people’s. Like the fact that so many people here hate it makes me hate it. But if it were just mine, I wouldn’t be that mad about it.”
• “I do not. I hate many things about it but, at this point, it’s all I know. If a cure were found tomorrow, I would be utterly confused.”
• “Nope. I barely think about it. It’s just something I do. Part of my daily routine.”
• “It is bits and pieces of the fabric of my girls. I wish terribly, fiercely, sometimes desperately that it wasn’t a part of them or anyone else. But hate … if I am honest, I can’t hate it. That emotion would tear me up. I have to focus on being strong for them. So I focus on the things that we can control and I work hard to make it as easy, ignorable and stress free as possible.”
• “Hate is such a strong word. My feelings towards Diabetes aren’t that strong. I have stronger feelings about people who are hateful and disrespectful. Diabetes certainly takes a back burner to that. I would certainly be ‘me’ without Diabetes and it would be amazing if it were obsolete but I’m not going to put that much thought into something I cannot control.”
• “Sometimes. But feeling constant hate would make my life a lot more stressful I think. Most of the time we co-exist with various degrees of annoyance. Sometimes I would like to punch it in the throat.”
• “More then I could ever explain.”
• “Nope. Met a lot of great folks in real life and online due to it. It’s something that I deal with on a low level constantly and so it doesn’t really flare up to a major pain for me. Everyone has something. I’d rather have something that is manageable, invisible to the world, and commonly understood by the general public on a basic level.”
• “I don’t hate it. I have some semblance of control over it and at least technology and management is improving drastically all the time. I have another medical condition that is a total wild card, that while it (probably) won’t kill me, could make impossible to walk or use my hands at some point, makes me much more physically tired than diabetes, and makes me physically unable to do certain things. And has far far less chance of getting better or being cured. If I could “just” have diabetes, I’d totally do that.”
• “Yes. I’m not going to sugarcoat that one. But I don’t hate it enough to let it cripple me/us. I don’t give anything that much power over me.”
• “Sometimes. I hate that there are many aspects of life I can’t be spontaneous with, and that some times I plan and nothing goes to plan. I hate that I constantly think about health insurance and the role that diabetes plays in my financial stability. There’s a daily, if not hourly, fluctuation that exists when it comes to feeling positive, neutral, and negative about my diabetes.”
• “Well, I sure as hell don’t love it!”

For me, after 31 years of type 1 diabetes, I don’t carry around a lot of anger or shame about diabetes, but I don’t harbor warm, fuzzy feelings.  I don’t hate it. I don’t like it and would get rid of it in a heartbeat if given the chance, but I don’t spend the day loathing it. (Some days, yep.  I can’t pretend to be happy about this condition.  Especially now that I’m getting older and Things are Happening that make me wonder, “Hey, is this diabetes?” or “Hey, is this just the aging process?”)

But I think that’s because it’s mine and mine alone. If one of my children had diabetes, I’d hate it seventeen different ways.

The responses from people on Facebook were so diverse, just like our community.  And I think responses could also change depending on what’s going on in the world, in their lives that day, or what result might have just stared back at them from a glucose meter. No “right way” to feel. Whatever way you feel is right.  Diabetes is part of every day, and the emotional influence is has on our lives is rarely discussed but nonetheless pervasive and constant.

But I’m glad we’re starting to talk about it.  No matter how we feel about diabetes on any given day, the community that’s bloomed around this disease continues to inform, inspire, and redefine living with diabetes.  That’s something worth loving.

(* All of the following bullet points are from comments on th FB thread.)

You might also like:

Perspectives on Diabetes: Why Children with Diabetes Matters. Diabetes Blog Week: Message Monday. Diabetes Blog Week: Language and Diabetes.