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D-Blog Week: Memories.

I remember being nine or ten years old, on my hands and knees, crawling up the staircase to get to the kitchen, where my mom was cooking dinner. 

I remember calling out for my mom, but the words lost their form and letters fell into a heap on the staircase.

I remember my mom sitting on the kitchen floor with me, breaking graham crackers into smaller bites and putting them in my mouth, dinner burning in pans on the stove.  I remember my mom's eyes being very wide but she wasn't crying.  I remember a glass of juice.  I remember it was hard to chew because I was crying but I wasn't sure why, and then there's a sharp edit in my memory, where I don't have any recollection of what happened next. 

As quickly as it came, the low blood sugar passed.  I don't remember what caused it.  I don't remember recovering.  I don't remember what my face looked like, or how empty my eyes must have been, or what I sounded like as I crawled up the stairs, calling for my mom.  I don't remember thinking about it for days afterwards.  I don't remember feeling affected by it for more than those few minutes.  

I think about my mother, cleaning up the cracker crumbs and placing the juice glass in the sink, salvaging what was left of the dinner she was cooking, trying to forget.

[For more posts about Memories on D-Blog Week, check out these links.]

Comments

I have a lot of half-memories like this :/

Powerful post.

I always hope that my boys forget. It feels like they do. It feels like to them it is just a fleeting moment and then they move on.

I hope they do.

I try to, too.

I cried. I need more sleep.

Hi Kerri,
Many of us type 1s have gone through such events. What the real need is to match what a normal, non-diabetic's body would do under such circumstances. Or, what can be done to monitor the actual blood glucose level, how fast it is falling so that we, our family and friends can take the necessary steps to prevent such events. Oh, btw my dexcom G4Pt does give me knowledge to take necessary actions, when I listen and response to the readings. As always have a great day.
Dan

I dont understand the things you feel, or that my son feels but from the moms point of view all the things you dont remember about that moment Im sure your mom does. Those moments are ones that will stay with me forever.

Thank you for sharing posts like this one help me understand a bit more.

this is so vivid. i really appreciate the way you relate to your mom here, too. it was like a secret appreciation. thanks to all d-moms.

WOW!

love to your mother.

This post brought tears to my eyes. Makes me understand a bit how my loved ones must feel when they see me struggling through a low. Thank you for sharing!

Vivid memory there, Kerri. Have many of those, too, most have the edits tossed in. Ones like those really make you appreciate your mom even more for helping bring you back from the brink. Thanks for sharing this.

Love to your mom.

I'm glad my son has no memory of some of these events, although I still have feelings of guilt for not preventing some lows or catching them sooner.

I've played the mom role in this scenario. Thanks for this glimpse into what looks and feels like from the other side.

As a mom of a type 1 - I am always grasping for the experiences of adults that can tell me what it is like from a child's perspective and how they remember their parents' involvement and what those relationships and memories are like. I could listen to stories for hours on this subject. Thanks for sharing.

Sigh. This is heavy. And so true to life. I love the way you see it through your mom's eyes. Funny that we're there now.

Thank you for sharing this, you hit the nail on the head for all of us mom. You are one very special lady!!

Great stuff. I still remember just after diagnosis where my parents were effectively shoveling jelly beans in my mouth to bring me up from some of those lows.

You're killing me.

I'm going to go out on the "I'm not really hip enough to say this, but I'm going to say it anyway" limb here...

Word to your mother!

Mom's are made of some pretty sturdy stuff. I often wonder if they are born that way of if being pregnant magically transforms them. I think they must be born that way because there are a lot of great Moms out there that never gave birth.

I bet you're made of that same sturdy Mom stuff. Here's hoping you never have to find out. Hug that Birdzone for me. :)

And just so you know, I'd share my graham crackers & juice with you any time. But let's not wait until we're low. Let's throw some peanut butter on those bad boys & make a snack of it. :)

Kerri, you have such a vivid way of writing. This was a really hard post to get thru because of course I am the momma and have been thru so many similar experiences. Being able to see it thru my child's possible viewpoint like this makes me breathe a bit easier. I hope my kids will have the same memories of knowing I am there for them in these scary moments. I know they have survived many a burnt dinner- but that's actually not even d-related haha.

thanks for sharing that intimate memory, kerri. i'm so thankful for you - for your gift of expressing yourself through your writing. even though my daughter was diagnosed as an adult with T1, my heart can relate to your mom's heart too - because they're always your children & your hearts are forever tied to them. thanks again xoxoxoxo

Pay it forward.
We mom's appreciate it that as our T1 children, mature, they then can look back at how we handled raising children with a major chronic disease. A disease that is invisible, unless people are informed that the child has it. The goal in our household was for Briley to be 30 and healthy. Oh the fights over many different things. But when it came to diabetes, our only focus was to have a healthy adult. Even now, she knows our questions and concerns are because we love her so very much. we only expect her to pay it forward in the care of other children, her own or others.

Holy shit, Kerri. What a story.

I can so relate to this post!! And the scary thing is that even now--as a full-grown adult--my mom is still the one who has come to my aide more than once. It is so scary how we remember "parts" of lows, isn't it? And so wonderful of all the Dmoms and dads out there who shrug it off, help us cope, and go off crying later by themselves.

Oh my. Sitting having my lunch, and your words struck me so hard that my eyes filled with tears.I've been type 1 for 8 years, dx'ed at age 23. Going low is terrifying for me. Such scary panic. I never want to ask for help and always try to handle it myself, keep it secret from my friends. It hit me yesterday while I was driving. I wish diabetes wasn't so difficult.

Thanks for your brave honesty. My daughters' night time lows to me are the worst. Sometimes it frightens me so much that I can't go back to sleep. Trying to shove juice and food into a sleepy little body. Every morning being so thankful that we have another day. It's a tough journey that we get to make together. But she's worth it and I know your mom felt the same.

Amazing story that confirms to me that I'm not the only person afraid of the lows!

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