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From Abby: [D-Blog Day] One Thing to Improve.

Abby's take on D-Blog Day No. 3!

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Diabetes is really difficult. I mean like, wicked hard. I do the best I can – we all do the best we can – but there are just sometimes when we can’t. So choosing something I don’t really do well is emotional and really frustrating to admit … mostly to myself.

I am not good at taking ownership of when I mess up my diabetes. I am the queen of the blame game. When my blood sugar is high, I immediately think of any reason other than, “Hmm, well maybe I just didn’t carb count that right." Nope - the things I think are along the lines of: my pump is broken, my insulin is bad, someone injected corn syrup into my coffee, I’m sick, my meter is broken, or my pancreas is extra-broken today. This also goes for low blood sugars. If I see a low that I’m not expecting (let’s be honest; we can predict some of them) I think “OH CRAP MY PUMP PUSHED TOO MUCH INSULIN INTO ME I’M GOING TO DIE” or that I’m sick or my meter is broken or my pancreas turned back on.

This is ridiculous, and I’ve started to take ownership with little things like buying a food scale and eating similar foods every day. I test more regularly and wear my Dexcom all the time. I’ve also taken some more ownership of my actions – I consider exercise a medication and I try to do it as often as I tell my patients (I have my fair share of excuses and use them regularly, but I’m trying). I also don’t go out to eat hardly ever because restaurant foods are just the worst on my blood sugar (and my weight). I say no to drinks after work because my health is important to me.

I still have a long way to go, I am planning a BBQ this weekend for a birthday party and I will eat whatever I want and carb guess and make excuses for the blood sugar after. But I’m trying.

All I can do is try.

Guilt sucks.

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Amen, Abby.

Comments

I definitely agree with everything you say here -- it is HARD but we do the best we can with what we are working with that day. I liked in one of your recent posts when you kept talking about the mantra of "just keep swimming." I have been saying it to myself a lot today. Stress-induced high, a spiffy little correction shot and then suddenly I'm low and grasping for some candy in the campus bookstore... Oh well. :)

Then also there is the, "I don't think I washed my hands, I can't possibly be 350!!!! Yep, I ate a pixie stick and it is still ALL OVER my hands... Not me... Not this time..." I am stubborn, AND prideful... A dangourus mix...

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