Follows Me Everywhere.
Diabetes isn't an obvious player in my daily life, and for a lot of the day, I don't freak out about it. I wear the pump, the CGM, I test, I watch my food intake, I exercise, and I do my thing as best I can. Blah, blah, blah.
But in the last few weeks, I've been really bent on diabetes management stuff, trying to work out bad habits, work in better ones, and just keeping an overall focus on bringing down my A1C without hitting the 30's and 40's. I've broken the habit of avoiding my meter, I'm responding to the Dexcom alarms, and I've now kept a steady, updated logbook for over a month. (The logbook thing blows my mind - I haven't kept decent blood sugar records since trying to get pregnant. Kevin is awesome, and he excels at Excel.) My only minor set-back this month has been the trip to SXSW, where I intentionally ran a bit higher to combat lows that might be triggered by travel, time change, and stress.
I feel like I'm sticking with the program, so to speak, and I hope the results on my meter and in my A1C reflect these efforts soon. If not now, then I know they will soon. Chris and I talked extensively about the work/life/family balance, and things are evening out to the point where I sort of want to sneak off and buy an at-home A1C test to see if I can see any progress already.
But as I'm changing these habits and making better ones, it does sort of feel like diabetes is following me everywhere, like that weird painting of George Washington where the eyes are always looking at you, no matter where you're standing in the room. Or much like the paintings I saw in the bathroom at a BBQ place in Austin, where these creepy little dogs were staring at you. (I've never washed my hands so quickly in my whole life.)
After such a long stint of diabetes burnout, I know the feeling of being 'watched' by diabetes will wear off as I adjust to these better lifestyle habits, but for now, it's a little ... creepy. (Yes, this whole post was an excuse to share this photo of two terrifyingly odd pups. I'm going to throw in a judgmental giraffe, also from an Austin bathroom wall, to complete the set.)
I can't escape the watchful eye of diabetes ... or of those frigging doe-eyed doggies. ;)