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What We Document.: Solving for "Why."

Dexcom graphs that look like gigantic Ms and Ws?  I see those all the time.  But when I sift through the pile of photos I have on my computer (in the folder marked "Diabetes Crap;" I can write real good, Ma), the Dexcom graphs I see are all pretty.  Nice, straight lines or soft bell curves, without the sharp angles.

I know these pictures aren't representative of how my diabetes is controlled, on a day-to-day basis.  There are way more times that I'm muttering "You stupid jerkface pancreas ..." than moments when I want to whip out my camera and take a snapshot for posterity.  But I like having these happier photos outnumber the ones that make me grimace, because when I need a lift, it's nice to have a catalog to draw from.  This is what I chose to document, visually, because it inspires me to earn this photo opportunity again, you know?


I chose to document this, because it made me feel good.

May will mark the end of my seventh year blogging at SUM (and starts the eighth year - jeepers), and when I look back through the archives, I'm weirdly proud to see a diversity in what's documented.  There are some really high moments (high as in "emotionally high," not "OMG, how did that 312 mg/dL sneak in there?" high), like when the Bird was born or when Chris and I got married.  And then there are low moments, like trying to be a strong advocate for PWDs while going through burnout, or when blue candles start peppering our Facebook feeds

And then I look at other people's blogs (holy crap, there are a lot of us!), and see that they're chronicling the good, bad, and decidedly 'eh' of life with diabetes.  The real stuff.  It's crazy how honest we are with the Internet.  I see people writing about things online that they might not be sharing with their doctor.  Or their coworkers.  Or their very closest friends. But it's shared here, and there's a power to sharing our stories.

I'm amazed at what we chose to document, as a community.  From celebrations of a no-hitter to scoring a quality pair of blue shoes, to difficult moments of feeling burnt out and admitting that we're struggling, what we document shows our strength as a community.  We're not afraid to share the stuff that really scares us, or empowers us, and we have one another to mark different milestones with.  What we share, as a global community, could help any one of us improve our health, emotionally and physically. 

Diabetes isn't a perfect math where you can just solve for X.  Usually, we're solving for "why."  And part of that equation is acknowledging, and appreciating, the sum of our community and what we document, every day.

Comments

Amen. I don't think people truly appreciate the "work" we do as diabetics everyday. I get dizzy sometimes thinking of how much planning around meals/exercise/insulin goes into my everyday life. Add on a 10 month old baby to the mix, and day to day life can get pretty hairy....remembering to feed her on time, but forgetting myself?? Argh - have to remember sometimes - my airplane mask before hers. It's a juggling act for sure, and many times I'm a clutz, but we do the best we can for our health, and for the love of a full life with our family and friends.

"Diabetes isn't a perfect math where you can just solve for X. Usually, we're solving for "why." And part of that equation is acknowledging, and appreciating, the sum of our community and what we document, every day."
this is so powerful, beautiful, and true! *tear*

Well said. I can't really find an easier way to explain that SUM has helped me realize I'm not alone with the insanity of the "betes".
While I have had 1 great Doctor in my 14 years (eek) with this disease, the rest have been discouraging, making me feel horrible about the control that I may or may not have on any given day. I don't have any family or friends with this disease, so while they support me in theory, they don't really "get" me or what I deal with on a daily basis. SUM does. So thank you.

I was just despairing over my Dexcom graphs last night, comparing it to your pretty ones. I wish you would post some crappy ones! I feel like my Dex is just a form of torment, rather than any big help.

:-) Nice and ugly!

You know what gets me-is that when I post about the good stuff, I feel guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty, I work my ass off for this, but why does diabetes come with such guilt? It isn't always good for me, and I post about that too, but how come when I post good graphs/experiences I have those feelings like I'm rubbing it in people's faces? Why must diabetes come with so many feelings?

The sum of what we document. I see what you did there.

Seriously though, I like the idea that we're all knowingly or even unknowingly contributing to some kind of virtual time capsule of diabetes memories for someone to unearth 100 years in the future on what will be the futuristic version of microfilm.

Ha. I got Grimace-rolled. That was fun.

i'm wondering where you get the rubber covers for your CGM? i'll be getting mine soon, and want a couple of those!! thank you!

Reading SUM is a positive part of my PWD journey. Thanks and congrats on 7 years!. I am joining CGM family this month. And then it dawns on me, with a CGM, it's a good thing to see a "flat line..." on your medical device. LOL.

Wow, 7 years. Happy almost diaversary, Kerri. Thank you for doing what you do, for sharing so much, and just being yourself.

Nice one - as a 20 something male some of your posts draw eye rolls and nausea based on the subject matter - kids and marriage aren't on the horizon let alone my radar...BUT when you touch on the commonalities that are universal across PWD it takes the edge off that burn out from time to time :)

Keep it up and good luck with the 8th year!

It's been 8 years on my dia-journey. Your "x for why" made me LOL! Stay strong!

lol grimace. keep on truckin.

Current insulin pump/CGM deecivs are getting close to what you have described in the first step, the only difference being the automatic delivery of insulin.This process though has a flaw that I see ... it is an after the fact type of delivery. It waits for the BG to rise and then delivers or it waits until it is getting low before reducing/stopping the flow.It would be great if it worked (the insulin) as soon as it entered the body and lasted only a very short time, but it can stay in the body, working for a few hours after being administered. I foresee problems with delivery based on current readings.The CGM accuracy move improve a tremendous amount before it could be regarded as trustworthy. I have used the technology (Minimed) and stopped because it was very seldom close to being accurate, Many times it would be 50% over or under the actual reading.I am not going to hold my breath

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