Guest Post: Raising Colorado ... and Now Diabetes.
Zakary had me at hello. Seriously - she emailed me soon after her daughter was diagnosed and I liked her immediately. Then I started reading her blog, Raising Colorado, and now I see that she's a total kindred spirit, diabetes notwithstanding. Her beautiful girl, Zoe, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes just a few months ago, and Zakary and her family have been adjusting to this new normal.
But don't worry - they're doing just fine. And they already received the memo about the cupcakes. :) Read on, and thanks so, so much to Zakary for writing today.
My best girl, my daughter Zoe, was officially diagnosed a diabadass eight months ago, five days before her 10th birthday. I was sent into an emotional tailspin those first few days, the most difficult hours were late at night in the hospital. I sat surrounded in the dark, the only light was the glow of machines keeping tabs on my frail, very sick girl that had lost 20 pounds, her poor body struggling without insulin since her pancreas decided to up and quit.
I sat on the uncomfortable vinyl sofa next to my daughter's hospital bed and poured over diabetes information, a stack of educational books, nutritional pamphlets and dosing handouts given to us by the hospital staff. Tears rolled down my face and they wouldn't stop. All the information in the whole world didn't mean anything. I needed to hear that we would make it, that we could do this, that we weren't alone. I frantically sent my husband a message at two in the morning, as he had gone home with our son.
Bring me my laptop.
He obliged.
And I googled like I have never googled before. I read diabetes stories and Twitter feeds and found a whole community of amazing badasses that I never knew existed. Real people with diabetes that were going about their real lives and rocking it. This is what I needed.
More importantly, the stories, the people...gave me so much hope.
Eight months later, here we are. I watch my girl go about her diabetes life with such determination and grace that I find it damn near unbelievable that a mere ten year old is capable of such a feat. I find myself watching her throughout the day, secretly hoping that her awesome is contagious. I will never admit this to her, my blog, hell, I rarely allow myself to even think it for but a moment, but diabetes and I have come to an understanding that the buck stops here, man. Diabetes terrifies the everloving shit out of me on a daily basis and I grab onto the fear and tuck it away, I tuck it away for when I need it the most. Diabetes is bigger than me, bigger than everything and the great big ball of fear is what keeps me here and in the moment, fighting for my daughter and diabetes cannot win.
Because I have too much to lose.
Eight months into her diagnosis and she's already a total diabadass.
Comments
Hi Badass! My 8 y. old was just diagnosed too. (A boy.) (In Rhode Island.) I like what you wrote. I try not to think about the night in the hospital and all of the machines--you gave me chills.
Now for the shallow shopping part of the comment: I love your daughter's bag. Did you make it? You're not a RISD alum, are you? I saw a bag made from this fabric at the RISD alumni sale, and I think the artist said she was also the designer of the fabric. MAYBE IT'S YOU!
Posted by: katy | September 19, 2011 10:34 AM
Great guest post, Zakary. Best wishes to you and your beautiful daughter!
Posted by: Jules | September 19, 2011 10:39 AM
Hello and welcome Zakary and Zoe! Great post and welcome to the club you never, ever wanted to join. Please, come right in, the snacks and drinks are on the left.
Yep, a fellow badass, I LOVE IT! My gal, Grace, is 9 and was diagnosed at age 6. She loves cupcakes, and sequins too. Glad you are here. Headed over to check out your blog. I blog over at asweetgrace.blogspot.com
I'm glad Kerri told you about the cupcakes, cause cupcakes, and Halloween candy (yes, we DO eat that) rock!
Posted by: Penny | September 19, 2011 10:53 AM
Popping over here from Zaks blog to say hello. I'm pretty sure Zoe is a badass because her mom is a badass (as is younger brother). Because it's pretty easy to just lose it and say This Is Too Much, I Can't. But they decided to say Suck It Diabetes, because they are in face bigger and badder than diabetes. They just don't quite know it yet.
Posted by: Brooklyn Jen | September 19, 2011 11:12 AM
Love this post! Diabetes is scary, but 25 years into it, I'm doing fine. :) Zoe will do it as well. We're a tough group. Which I can tell you've already discovered.
Posted by: Cara | September 19, 2011 11:30 AM
there was no DOC 37 years ago, when i was diagnosed. my parents did it on a wing and a prayer. they would have loved a place like this, to read others stories and know they weren't alone. it's where i come now, to know I am not alone, and WE CAN DO THIS!!!
Posted by: kim | September 19, 2011 11:59 AM
"dia-badass"... i LIKE that!
Posted by: michelle | September 19, 2011 12:03 PM
Zakary I just sent you a personal note through your blog but wanted to say to you and everyone here THANK YOU. I've been stalking this blog since my daughter's diagnosis on January 8th of this year. (She's 6 years old.) I look to your blog everyday for inspiration, Karrie. You are one of the many reasons I know she will be okay...even at 2am. Best wishes, friends.
Posted by: Heather | September 19, 2011 12:19 PM
Love that note about being diagnosed as a "dia-badass"... So going to use that. Thanks for sharing this!
Posted by: Mike Hoskins | September 19, 2011 12:45 PM
Love this post, gave me goosebumps. :)
Posted by: Lindsay | September 19, 2011 01:03 PM
Hooray! Two of my favorite bloggers working together. I knew this would be a beautiful friendship!
Nice job, Zak!
Posted by: Kate | September 19, 2011 01:13 PM
I can't get enough of Zakary and her little badass.
Posted by: Lisa E | September 19, 2011 01:15 PM
Hi Zakary and Zoe!
I too have a badass Zoe (6yo) who was diagnosed 3.5 years ago (she is known as ZoeMonster to some). My head was spinning then, and it still does now (a lot less), but diabetes had not entirely taken over, we simply live with it. And yes, little Z handles this with such strength that I think she is just awesome, like you do of your Z. GOOD LUCK! Looking forward to following your blog!
Posted by: Team ZOE | September 19, 2011 02:59 PM
What an amazing story. It is so good to hear when people find others and feel a sense of community. Keep on being badass!
Posted by: Carly | September 19, 2011 03:16 PM
I already left a comment over on Zakary's blog, so this is for anyone who just reads here. (And checkout her blog, it's great.)
I was diagnosed 39 years ago before pumps or any type of glucose meter and I'm doing just fine without any 'complications' (a word I hate). Diabetes is lousy, but if your child is diagnosed today there's no reason why they won't have full and exciting life, I know I have so far!
Posted by: Bernard Farrell | September 19, 2011 03:34 PM
Zakary, this post rings true for our family as my daughter was diagnosed Feb 21,2011, 2 months before her 8th birthday. I also took to google and frantically searched for blogs to help me feel like everything was going to be ok those days in the hospital.
Kerri, I follow your blog everyday. Sometimes it makes me laugh and sometimes cry, but always makes me feel like I am more prepared for what lies ahead. Thank you!
Posted by: Amanda | September 19, 2011 08:44 PM
What a great voice! Thanks for introducing another fantastic blogger. I'm still searching for this perfect mix of swearing and equanimity two years after our son was dx'ed - go Z & Z!
Posted by: Kristin | September 20, 2011 12:03 AM
Great post & great attitude!
Posted by: Amanda | September 20, 2011 11:27 AM
omg diabadass. that is so going into my lexicon. i predict i will completely wear it out by the end of the week.
Posted by: shannon | September 20, 2011 11:30 PM
I am delirious as it is 1:30 in the morning and I need to check bg again in an hour or two. It is one of those nights...one of those crazy old nights
Posted by: donna schindler | September 21, 2011 01:35 AM
I love your brutal honesty and it only shows you are definitely NOT alone!
Posted by: antibody ninja girl | September 23, 2011 04:10 PM
Zoe got her awesome-ness from you, no doubt.
Great, great post.
Posted by: Andrea @ Bubblewrapp'd | September 26, 2011 04:42 PM
My 9 year old daughter was diagnosed in August. She has the same cupcake bag!!
Type 1 is not going to win this battle!!
Posted by: Barbara | February 23, 2012 07:43 AM