Guest Post: Raising Colorado ... and Now Diabetes.
Zakary had me at hello. Seriously - she emailed me soon after her daughter was diagnosed and I liked her immediately. Then I started reading her blog, Raising Colorado, and now I see that she's a total kindred spirit, diabetes notwithstanding. Her beautiful girl, Zoe, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes just a few months ago, and Zakary and her family have been adjusting to this new normal.
But don't worry - they're doing just fine. And they already received the memo about the cupcakes. :) Read on, and thanks so, so much to Zakary for writing today.
My best girl, my daughter Zoe, was officially diagnosed a diabadass eight months ago, five days before her 10th birthday. I was sent into an emotional tailspin those first few days, the most difficult hours were late at night in the hospital. I sat surrounded in the dark, the only light was the glow of machines keeping tabs on my frail, very sick girl that had lost 20 pounds, her poor body struggling without insulin since her pancreas decided to up and quit.
I sat on the uncomfortable vinyl sofa next to my daughter's hospital bed and poured over diabetes information, a stack of educational books, nutritional pamphlets and dosing handouts given to us by the hospital staff. Tears rolled down my face and they wouldn't stop. All the information in the whole world didn't mean anything. I needed to hear that we would make it, that we could do this, that we weren't alone. I frantically sent my husband a message at two in the morning, as he had gone home with our son.
Bring me my laptop.
And I googled like I have never googled before. I read diabetes stories and Twitter feeds and found a whole community of amazing badasses that I never knew existed. Real people with diabetes that were going about their real lives and rocking it. This is what I needed.
More importantly, the stories, the people...gave me so much hope.
Eight months later, here we are. I watch my girl go about her diabetes life with such determination and grace that I find it damn near unbelievable that a mere ten year old is capable of such a feat. I find myself watching her throughout the day, secretly hoping that her awesome is contagious. I will never admit this to her, my blog, hell, I rarely allow myself to even think it for but a moment, but diabetes and I have come to an understanding that the buck stops here, man. Diabetes terrifies the everloving shit out of me on a daily basis and I grab onto the fear and tuck it away, I tuck it away for when I need it the most. Diabetes is bigger than me, bigger than everything and the great big ball of fear is what keeps me here and in the moment, fighting for my daughter and diabetes cannot win.
Because I have too much to lose.
Eight months into her diagnosis and she's already a total diabadass.