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Destructo Kerri.

I need a suit made out of this.When Chris and I first started dating, I had him fooled.  Because I was able to maneuver in high heels and I hadn't yet fallen in front of him (just for him ... aww?), he didn't have any reason to think I was a clumsy fool.  But I remember the moment, after we had been dating for a few months and I had just fumbled my keys four times while trying to unlock the car, when he said, "Baby, I believe you now.  Maybe you aren't graceful?"

Grace isn't my middle name.  (My middle name is Morrone. Maiden name for the win!)  Graceful isn't ever a word anyone who knows me would use to describe me.  And this last week has proven precisely why.

In the last seven days, I have become Destructo Kerri. To recap:

  • I somehow ruined my phone's ability to send emails, and then smashed the replacement phone very thoroughly against the kitchen floor. Now I can answer phone calls, but can't end them.  Makes for creative conference calling.
  • I ruined two different gel cases for my Dexcom receiver; one destroyed with the help of BSparl, who thought Dexcom receivers were for teething, and the other case got caught on my engagement ring and tore.  (Diamonds might be a girl's best friend, but they are a gel case's worst enemy.) 
  • I accidentally smashed my backup One Touch Mini meter when it got caught in the bathroom closet door.  Little shards of hot pink plastic are everywhere now.  And the meter is obliterated.
  • I cut my thumb when trying to take the skin off a mango and didn't realize it until the fruit was red with blood.  At that point, I was totally grossed out at the zombie mango that I had to throw it out.
  • I'd like to think it's not my fault that the FedEx truck backed into (a non-essential, but still needs to be fixed) part of my house, but I bet my klutziness influenced the event, somehow.  I mean, when you're brushing your teeth and you hear this massive BANG! and the whole house shimmies, that's not a good sign.
  • My pump almost ended up dragged down 95 South when I left an appointment.  Thankfully, I noticed that the pump wasn't in my pocket when I went to put the car in reverse.  And also thankfully, the tubing didn't sever when I slammed it in the door.  (Pumps are durable little suckers!)
  • I accidentally tested the lower pad of my finger (where the second knuckle is, instead of your standard "finger tip") when I sneezed while deploying the lancet.  Seriously - who does that?
  • And I came pretty darn close to dropping the baby monitor into the garden watering can.  Don't even ask - I can't pretend to know how I did that, either.
Being clumsy is dangerous.  And expensive (read: replacing yet another cell phone).  And awkward as eff.  At teh suggestion of Briley, I'm planning to wrap myself in bubble wrap and hide out until the weekend.  ;)

Comments

From one graceless klutz 2 another - IT'S OK & NONE OF THE ABOVE IS YOUR FAULT!
Kerri, grace is SO overrated. Yes, it's more convenient and less painful, but overrated none the less!
As far as wrapping yourself in bubble wrap, might I suggest: http://www.fast-pack.com/coloredwrap.html
All types of colorful bubbly wrappy fantasticalness! ;)`

I tried bubble wrap all taht happes is that you become sweaty and even more clumsy.

I agree with k2; grace is overrated. Also, it's not your fault. And, although I hate to use this phrase, it could be worse. For example, you could be me; you could be SELF destructive!

I ran into a wall and fractured my elbow. I was in a cast for two weeks, but in physical therapy for four months. I slipped on my coat and chipped a bone in my finger. It took six months for it to stop hurting. I tripped over my other foot while walking on my flat driveway and tore a ligament in my ankle. I limped for three months and gave myself tendonitis before I got to spend three months on crutches. To sum it up, that's six months of not being able to walk. AND physical therapy for a couple of months (which didn't help one bit, thank you very much).

Oh, you think I'm only capable of hurting myself? Well, while staying at my friend's house for the first time, I shattered two dishes and chipped another three (and they were the nice china dishes, too). I once flung risotto all over the kitchen becase I set the spoon down wrong. I dropped my laptop onto concrete floor in school two days before the guy from Dell was supposed to come and fix it for a different problem (though the laptop was okay and actually, I was shaking because of a bad low, which is why I dropped it in the first place). I put my four and a half year old phone into a puddle of water, nearly killing it (it got to sit in a rice bath for a few days).

I RULE THE KLUTZ WAR!!

Oh, and also, I sliced my finger while trying to separate frozen hot dogs on Sunday. :-)

OMG my daughter is in training to be you when she grows up. We always joke that she can trip over a flea. And her middle name IS Grace. Seriously. Who knew? Anyway, maybe you can start a team of diabetic destructos...

Wow! I thought I was clumsy, but you really put me to shame with that list!

The force of the klutz is strong within you

/wink

I am so sorry that it has crashed down recently, and hopefully it will get better! I have to say that I did crack up over the pricker incident only because I have done this to the back of my finger... Many thoughts and prayers your way for quick recoveries in all areas!

Laughed out loud at the sneezing while deploying! Sounds like some crazy law...'it is illegal to sneeze and deploy!' (one that only applies to diabetics, of course)

I also join you in the klutz department!

Sweetie, I can totally relate. May I recommend ? I am totally serious when I say it saved me tens of times :)

I'm going to remember this next time one of the kids walks into a doorframe and gives themselves a knot on the forehead...or trips on their own toes going to the stairs...or faceplants on the driveway for no apparent reason. Or the next time I find yet another "mystery bruise" on my own leg. Thanks for the giggle ;)

Shaking my head. All I can say Kerri, is "What can brown do for you?"

I am already known as a klutz in the workplace after only six weeks, thanks to several incidents. Awesome.

hmmmm...are you sure we are not related?

At least you didn't drop the baby . . . !

Last year, in the space of less than a month, I slammed my foot in the car door, did the exact same thing a week later, and topped it off by slicing a finger and severing a nerve, necessitating microsurgery and three months of PT.

This was my takeaway: the Universe was trying to tell me to Slow Down, and when I didn't listen, it finally stopped me cold so I didn't have a choice.

Now when I start dropping things, I look toward the sky and say, "OK, I'll take it slower, and thanks for not hurting me!"

'Cause, really, we have too much on our plates . . . .

I could come up with similar lists..... My mum sent me to ballet classes when I was about 5, to try and teach me some grace. It didn't work. It's a standing joke in our house how clumsy I am. And as for bubble wrap - yep, that keeps coming up whenever I manage to fall over gracelessly and incur another running injury, or break my toe on a stray toy, or break some household appliance by dropping it down the toilet, or something. The time I broke the wing mirror off the hired car in the UK last year was a classic.... I put it down to bad eyesight when I was a kid. But things haven't improved since I got laser surgery in my 20s! Can I join the Destructo Kerri club - I only have one letter different... :)

Grace is where you find it. I think you and K2 display the ability to deftly maneuver about far more vexing and real matters than simple things.

You both show gentle dexterity with injured souls. No little feat in and of itself. But you both can tale it to the next level, caring while cursing like a sailor.

If that ain't true grace I don't know what the eff is.

LOL... my mom calls me the destroyer in the house... cause somehow anything new i touch... something will go wrong...

her favourite example is always how i dropped the brand new ovenette and broke the handle =P

I literally laughed out loud at this post, and who laughs out loud reading a website by yourself at night? No one, that's who. Hilarious. Your expenses for being clumsy is at least worth a thousand laughs. Probably.

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