D-Blog Week: Ten Things I Hate About You, Diabetes.
Kerri's Take on Day Four of D-Blog Week:
Ooh, let the ranting begin!
- I can't stand the doctor appointments. I can handle the daily finger pricks and the discomfort of different diabetes devices, but I hate taking time to see my various doctors. I know proactive care is important to my overall health, but sometimes I don't have the freaking time. I hate scheduling doctor appointments into my already over-scheduled day. And I hate the guilt that comes with not scheduling.
- Which brings me to the guilt. I can't stand the guilt that comes with diabetes, the little added bonus of emotional upheaval. There's enough to manage with this demanding disease, never mind the freaking guilt.
- As much as I am thankful for the diabetes hardware (the pumps, the continuous glucose monitors, the glucose meters), sometimes I just want to wear a summer dress and carry a teeny little purse and have that be the end of it.
- I can't stand overly complicated relationships with food. It's hard to explain to people why grocery shopping makes me feel guilty in a million different ways. (Apparently, you get a free subscription to disordered eating when you are handed your diabetes diagnosis. Stellar.)
- I can't stand how lows make me a fumbling, crying mess. And how they truly scare me, like nothing else can.
- I can't stand when people want to tell me how to cure my diabetes. Just the other day, an older guy in a store struck up a conversation with me about how a green smoothie was "sure to cure me of my need for insulin." And then proceeded to tell me that once my baby was three years old, I'd probably be off my injections, "especially if I buy those supplements over in aisle nine." I respect people's opinions, but there isn't a cure for the need for insulin. Everyone needs it. It's just the method of how we "get it" that varies, depending on the functionality of your pancreas. ;)
- I can't stand the worry. Diabetes isn't just mine to worry about; this worry belongs to my parents, my husband, my friends, and now my child. And the worry isn't just focused on the immediate repercussions of a low or high blood sugar. Diabetes worries include moments far into the future that I hope to have. It's weird to worry about not making it to those future worries.
- I can't stand being told "At least you don't have _____." Yes, I'm thankful I don't have ______, but I'm not exactly thrilled about having diabetes.
- (I can't stand how easy it is to make a list of ten things that suck about diabetes.)
- You know, sometimes I just plain can't stand diabetes. It pisses me off like nothing else can, but at the same time, I have reached a weird level of acceptance that makes it easier to come down from those moments of rage. It's not that I enjoy diabetes (nope, not by a long shot), but I'm not afraid to be mad at it. And apathetic about it. And even proud of what I've accomplished because/in spite of it.
These are my diabetes frustration points, but my list o' ten doesn't compare to the (mostly) anonymous feedback from the community on the Postsecret post a few months ago. Revisit that post for some raw and powerful feedback about this frustrating disease.
Phew. Today was a bit of a downer prompt. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's "Things I Like" posts. :)