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D-Blog Week: Ten Things I Hate About You, Diabetes.

It's not a list of "hate," but it's definitely a list of "Can't Stands."Kerri's Take on Day Four of D-Blog Week:

Ooh, let the ranting begin!

  1. I can't stand the doctor appointments.  I can handle the daily finger pricks and the discomfort of different diabetes devices, but I hate taking time to see my various doctors.  I know proactive care is important to my overall health, but sometimes I don't have the freaking time.  I hate scheduling doctor appointments into my already over-scheduled day.  And I hate the guilt that comes with not scheduling.
  2. Which brings me to the guilt.  I can't stand the guilt that comes with diabetes, the little added bonus of emotional upheaval.  There's enough to manage with this demanding disease, never mind the freaking guilt.
  3. As much as I am thankful for the diabetes hardware (the pumps, the continuous glucose monitors, the glucose meters), sometimes I just want to wear a summer dress and carry a teeny little purse and have that be the end of it.
  4. I can't stand overly complicated relationships with food.  It's hard to explain to people why grocery shopping makes me feel guilty in a million different ways.  (Apparently, you get a free subscription to disordered eating when you are handed your diabetes diagnosis.  Stellar.)
  5. I can't stand how lows make me a fumbling, crying mess.  And how they truly scare me, like nothing else can.
  6. I can't stand when people want to tell me how to cure my diabetes.  Just the other day, an older guy in a store struck up a conversation with me about how a green smoothie was "sure to cure me of my need for insulin."  And then proceeded to tell me that once my baby was three years old, I'd probably be off my injections, "especially if I buy those supplements over in aisle nine."  I respect people's opinions, but there isn't a cure for the need for insulin.  Everyone needs it.  It's just the method of how we "get it" that varies, depending on the functionality of your pancreas.  ;)
  7. I can't stand the worry.  Diabetes isn't just mine to worry about; this worry belongs to my parents, my husband, my friends, and now my child.   And the worry isn't just focused on the immediate repercussions of a low or high blood sugar.  Diabetes worries include moments far into the future that I hope to have.  It's weird to worry about not making it to those future worries.
  8. I can't stand being told "At least you don't have _____."  Yes, I'm thankful I don't have ______, but I'm not exactly thrilled about having diabetes.  
  9. (I can't stand how easy it is to make a list of ten things that suck about diabetes.)
  10. You know, sometimes I just plain can't stand diabetes.  It pisses me off like nothing else can, but at the same time, I have reached a weird level of acceptance that makes it easier to come down from those moments of rage.  It's not that I enjoy diabetes (nope, not by a long shot), but I'm not afraid to be mad at it.  And apathetic about it.  And even proud of what I've accomplished because/in spite of it. 

These are my diabetes frustration points, but my list o' ten doesn't compare to the (mostly) anonymous feedback from the community on the Postsecret post a few months ago.  Revisit that post for some raw and powerful feedback about this frustrating disease.

Phew.  Today was a bit of a downer prompt.  I'm looking forward to tomorrow's "Things I Like" posts.  :)

Comments

Woah! We had a lot of similar "hates."

#3 is on my list too (except I don't yearn to wear a simple summer dress). I hate carrying crap ALL THE TIME.

And #8 is on my list too. I called it "beats the hell out of cancer." Grrr!

Amen to all of these. I would also add that I hate eating when I'm not hungry, aka when I'm low. I hate not being able to eat when I'm high and starving. I hate living in fear of a low blood sugar too but thank goodness for CGM.

Word. That's all I got, b/c this is just so right. It's more fun to do the "things we like," but there's a comfort in seeing that others feel the same way we do.

You hit it all on the head except I.don't expect anyone wants to see me in a little dress either. Seems the rules are always changing also; stinks.

Oh boy do I agree with these! I guess I could make my list at least 20 bullet points long now...

#6 drives me insane! If only chiropractic, herbal supplements, moss and the like worked as well as a pancreas producing insulin!

Great list! I agree with every single one of your points. Especially how easy it would be for me to rattle off 10 things I hate!!

I am glad you mentioned #4. That has been really difficult for me over the years. I think people should be aware of the impact diabetes has on a person's relationship with food, especially during the teenage years.

AMEN to every thing on that list!!

All of these are on my list too. I've had a really rough couple of months diabetes-wise and reading these was....strangely reassuring. Went to the eye doc today and was told I have mild to moderate non-proliferative retinopothy. It just shakes you to your very core and I hate that. I hate every appointment, every shot, every infusion site change, every minute that I have to waste on this freaking disease!! I hate how no one (save other T1s) understand how sometimes you just have to ignore it to mentally get through your day, because it can otherwise consume you.

#8 is so true. Which also leads to guilt. Like you're right, I'm glad I don't have AIDS but diabetes still freaking sucks. UGH.

Wow, that was right on, I totally agree with #5 I hate that I might go to sleep and never wake up, that I could leave my family behind so fast. I would love to just wake up in heaven but hen I feel guilty because of what that would do to my family=(((((
Lord Jesus come quickly!

Speaking of #6, one of my friends tried to convince me today that she heard about a cure while watching 60 minutes a couple of years ago. She said a surgery was a cure. As it turned out, she misunderstood, but for a second, I thought that 60 minutes had really made a mistake that huge. But you should've heard me giving her hell. Kerri, I think you'd have been proud.

As far as I'm concerned, what I really hate is feeling low when I'm not-which is what usually happens to me because I don't actually feel lows anymore. And I hate that I can see individual prick marks on my fingers if I look closely enough-especially on a finger that's been given a break for a while so it doesn't have callouses anymore. And I hate that people brush lows off like they're nothing just because I don't completely fall apart when I see a 63 looking up at me. And I hate that my professors state at me when I eat candy during class like I haven't eaten in days.

#11..... The fear of survival... Will I be able to grow old? Will I grow old without complications? Will I grow old enough to see a cure? It's my B-day today I feel thankful for survival. Type 1 38 years.

I am tired of people telling me that I should just lose weight or take some pill and my diabetes will "be cured" or go away. I am tired of people telling me I check my blood sugar too much!

I hate it when people over-analyze you, just LOOKING for an excuse to bring up the 'betes. Like we have a flashing neon light on our forehead that says "warning--diseased"! Like you say, it doesn't define you, it just explains a lot. Thank you for being someone to relate to. I'm also T1 for 25 years this fall and only 38 years old.

I have to say amen to all ten of those and to the next ten etc ... ermm and substitute dresses for the need for man bag etc - don't wear dresses... yet but there's always time for a new hobby :)

I've been following you for years, thank you a million times. LOVE the aisle 9 cure for diabetes..."a cleanse would work" too. LOVE that you are putting a voice to the diabetes we live every day and are so darn articulate about it all. Now if my entire network of friends and family would just follow your blog it save me many explanations:) Thanks!

I LOVE YOUR BLOG....new found follower here. I think too many of us keep all of these frustrations inside...it's so nice to see others feel the same crummy things about diabetes. I feel a lot better after your list of top things you hate about diabetes! :0) It's hard to complain to others and sometimes I feel guilty complaining...like after 29 years with the disease, I should have it figured out...right? wrong! It is nice to see the positive things too of course. :) Thanks so much for venting! ;)
Denise

number six has got to be the worse. i hate it when my aunts say...should you be eating that? and complete strangers as well. i feel like telling them to look over their own diet before they criticize mine

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