To my littlest friend,
One year ago today, the best little write-off ever was born. (Happy tax day AND birthday, Birdy!) No ... okay, I'll be serious. Because, as we know, your mama is totally serious. You and I have never had burping contests. Nope.
Ahem. So yes, a year ago, you were born. You came out after a short but tough eight months and one week of pregnancy, the first scheduled c-section at Beth Israel that morning. Type 1 diabetes, Factor V leiden, retinopathy, pre-eclampsia, and hospitalization tried to shake our determination, but you and I held steady. And the moment you were born, your cry filled that operating room that once held 14 plus people, but in that moment, just held you, me, and Daddy.
I knew life with you was going to be so different and amazing, but I didn't realize how profoundly you had changed me until I caught myself talking to you about how I cannot stand the Charmin bears because they show their toilet paper bits to television viewing audiences. And you giggled in agreement. Or when we sang the song about "Fat Bird the Clown (FBTC)" in the grocery store. And then danced while daddy juggled lemons. You have given me the confidence to be a silly mom in public, and you make me feel like even my non-rhyming, makes-no-sense lyrics are worth singing. You make me feel like I'm doing something very, very right.
Birdy, you amaze me. I love watching you learn how the world works, when your little brow furrows as you try and figure out how to stack the blocks or open the cupboard or sneak up on the cats without them noticing. (They always notice.) We get to watch you discover how words are assigned to things, and what sounds fit where. You've started pointing at things you recognize, babbling words like "birdy," "kitty," and "mama." Your voice is high and squeaky, and your giggle is cut from the same vocal cloth.
I want to tell you how much you mean to me, but there aren't the right words for this yet. I want to tell you that i would do anything for you, and would sacrifice my entire being to make sure you are always safe, but it never feels like enough. I love you like I've known you all my life. Because, somehow, I have. You've always been what I've wanted most, and now that you're here and I can hug you, my life feels better. Fuller. Like that spot was filled that I didn't even realize was empty.
I love you, my baby birdzone. You show me that there is plenty to smile about in the world.
Happy first birthday.