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Stubborn Fool.

Last night, I went to the gym later in the day - around 7:30 pm.  Chris was home with BSparl and I couldn't wait to have an hour to myself and to watch Project Runway on the gym televisions.  (Yes, a month of hospital bedrest will indeed make you addicted to weird reality tv shows that make you talk about what an obnoxious sasshole Gretchen is, as though you know her.  /digression)

I'm on the elliptical and plugged in, watching tv while I work out.  About four minutes in, I see this weird spot in the bottom right hand corner of my right eye.  Nothing too dramatic, but just this nagging little floaty thing that makes my eye feel like it has a filmy cotton ball covered the bottom portion of it. 

I continue my workout, and at the seven minute mark, my sneakers feel like cement blocks and that eye thing is still foggy.  And this thought actually goes through my head - "Should I test?" - but because I am a stubborn fool, I don't quite yet.

I reach for the Dexcom receiver, only to realize it's at home on the coffee table.  So I walk for a few more minutes, not realizing I'm listing to one side and hanging on to the hand rail.  (But once my brain starts musing about how I'd maybe wear some of those Project Runway outfits, it dawns on me that I should probably test like right now.)

A bright, shiny 43 mg/dl smiles back up at me from my meter.  The eye thing, the cement feet, and the headache suddenly magnify.  But I am a stubborn fool.  And for some stupid, stupid reason, I decide to keep going.  I bring the treadmill back to a 0% incline and reduce the speed to 2.0 miles per hour.  The sports bottle I brought with me, filled with juice, is drained in a millisecond, and then I just plod along.  Plod, plod, plod.

Internal Motivational Speaker pipes up in my ear.

"Kerri.  Get off the treadmill, you stubborn fool.  You are going to hurt yourself.  Your blood sugar is way too low for you to be physically exerting yourself."

I keep plodding.

"Are you ignoring me on purpose?  Because I can go all night, lady.  You'd better listen up and get yourself off the treadmill and sitting tight until your blood sugar comes up."

I furrow my brow.  "I don't want to.  This is the only time I get to myself all day long and I am determined to banish this abdominal fluff and seriously?  This low is making me so mad at diabetes crap that I want to throw something.  So no, I'm not stopping.  I'll go slow.  I already drank the juice.  And I'll test again in a few minutes.  But I'm not stopping."

I know I should have quit as soon as I saw that low number, but I didn't.  I am stubborn.  I walked slowly and unsteadily for a few more minutes, and then my sneakers felt a bit lighter.  And my eye fog was lifting.  It wasn't until the Project Runway outfits started to look ridiculous again that I felt completely better.  Quick blood sugar check showed me an 81 mg/dl.

"This could have ended badly, you know," said my Internal Motivational Speaker as she filed her nails. 

"I know."She totally looks like this.

"You're a stubborn fool, Ms. Kerri.  You need to listen to me sometimes, even when you don't want to."

"I know that, too."

"Okay.  Next time, you sit out for a few minutes, just to be on the safe side." 

"Fine.  I will."  I glanced up at the tv again.  "Dude, Gretchen looks just like Skeletor."

"She totally does."

Comments

Scary! But does this mean that you only liked the outfits when you were low? Is that like thinking a girl is more attractive when you're drunk? ;-)

I want to occasionally strangle Gretchen with a few yards of the ho-hum fabrics she's always choosing. She's good at what she does, but I never feel like I've seen a single innovation. And yes, Skeletor, all the way.

Yikes! I can't say I haven't done it before though. As for Project Runway, I love that show! My husband even likes it too. Gretchen does get on my nerves, but that episode when the mom's came to visit made me cry (maybe it's just the pregnancy hormones). :)

I am so guilty of doing this. Walking around (running, riding a bike, etc.) and things start to resemble abstract patterns and rainbow colors. "Stop, test, & treat fool!" gets squelched by "Why did they paint the floor that way? That's dumb." *sigh*

[lecture because I've been there]Next time young lady, test beforehand. We cannot rely on our brains to make decisions when hypoing.[/end lecture]

I'm guilty of laying in bed or on the couch, too lazy to get my butt up to get juice or whatever else, just because I think the low will just "go away." Sorta like how my dad claims he's gonna slowly wean his car off gas so it doesn't need it anymore...

Glad to know I'm not the only one who does stuff like this! And that floaty spots signifying a low aren't unique to me either.

dude, gretchen is totally skeletor!! not only does she look like him, she is as vapid and strange as that guy!!

my stubblorn side makes me rage bolus these third trimester highs, then nap through my lunch break to recover from the subsequent low. mealtime: ur doin' it wrong.

Sounds like we are all stubborn fools at times. This reminds me of the time, 3K into a 5K run, I felt like I was running in Jell-O, tested, and found a 33 glaring back at me. Silly me was convinced that I could still run the last 2K after downing my emergency icing tube. Luckily, Pete was with me and dragged me back home instead.

When my boyfriend is low, yes, it seems like he is a bit drunk.

And yes, Gretchen has GOT to go.

Ugh . . . Gretchen! Am I crazy for liking Michael C.?

I was at zumba class the other night... I started out at 63 about 25 minutes before the class, had some juice (all I brought) so had to buy a gatorade from the machine, just in case. Halfway through class (was at 129 when the class started), I got the tell-tale tingly feeling on the back of my neck. Didn't want to test. Didnt' want to miss the song. Finally had to test after a 2nd song... back down to 68. More gatorade... made it through the class at a 112 but still.. just as stubborn as you!

I can rule the WORLD when I'm low. I can do ANYTHING. I am BRILLIANT! I am funny. I am very, very deep. I am gorgeous. I just can't walk, talk, or make any decisions, including what kind of juice to drink. The whole ordeal just sucks!

I hear ya, girl. This very thing happened to me today. And then I test and see a "52" and a "Do you need a snack?" printed across my meter. BLAH. My daughter and I then ate way too many grapes. She was in heaven and I was simply carb-starved. Sigh!

I, for one, think the show is still fun to watch, but became a lot less fun once Casanova was voted off!

Every single time Wretchen says ANYTHING, I'm annoyed. And her designs are awful. Started out kind of cool...but lately? Lawdy!

And I totally have those conversations in my head too when I'm low. For me, it's this "I am totally normal like everyone else" syndrome. "I won't let diabetes stop me from what I'm doing." Ugh. Been there.

I also had a moment the other day when u made all the effort to get up early and train, only to wake in hypo. I needed to exercise tho. . must...go..on.... Glad you're all good Kerri!

Hi Kerri...I don't watch Project Runway much, I used to. But , this post kind of hits close to home these days...and has provided me a little insight into what my son must feel like when he is low. You see, my 7 year old boy gets so caught up in the moment that he doesn't realize he is low until he is so low that his legs start to get jello-y...his brain stops working... or he is left crying. I am backing off of his insulin...but we are at a rough time in the Maher house. I can take any number...BRING IT. But watching my child suffer from a low SUCKS. So thanks for making it just a little more relatable for me.

Wow, scary! This has happened when taking a class at the gym...and I HATE stopping because the classes are what get me motivated and I don't want to miss out! God darn diabetes!!!

That is scary!! Just yesterday my two girls were across the street , playing with a neighbor friend. I made sure when they left their #'s were great. I ask my 7 & 5yr old to make sure they listen for beeps, or vibrations on her Dexcom. They all came back including their friend, a couple hours later, I looked at their monitors, one read 87 with arrow sideways down, the other read 110. Something in me said to check. After a few minutes of hearing, I don't want to check. I did, My 7r old was 39!! 5 yr old was 69. My 7 yr old is embarrassed now about her diabetes. She used to be really good about her symptoms, now, she ignores every sign! including her Dexcom beeps and vibrations!!!

Oh, Wretchen has to go! I bet she'll be off next week!

I totally get the stubborness part. It's like we think we can actually force our bodies to keep going! even if we have a sugar of 43. I've been there, stubborn and all, only to remind myself later that I am a diabetic and I have to deal with it.

I am equally stubborn, and have done this many times before. It's one of those "diabetes is NOT going to ruin my workout" kind of moments of stupidity. It's always ended well *knock on wood*...

That internal voice always pssst me off. I am not sure if we should call her a B or a friend, that keeps us from getting in trouble.

1. Yes, I hate that Gretchen. Sorry-good-for-nothin-"They deserve to be in the bottom"/"I deserve to be in the top"-witch. I REEEEAAALLLY wish they'd vote her off. Her stuff is SOO bland!!!

2. I think we all tend to ignore that voice every now and then. We just don't like it when D comes in and stops us from being like normal people. But that voice is there for a reason. Please listen to it. :-)

I think that describes most of my high school athletic career-just trying to hang on to finish practice like the other kids. Knowing that I probably didn't need to be running sprints, but not letting the low keep me from running them. Of course I don't claim to make rational decisions when I am low.

I was afraid I was going to be reading about some ugly treadmill accident. So glad that nothing too scary happened.

I was just recommended to you site by Jenn. I am the mother of a young teen with Type 1, she was diagnosed March 2009. Reading this blog has been a wake up call. My daughter behaves like this so often, but I thought it was her adolescent self talking. Now I realize it is her low or her high... And it upsets me to think it will never change..

As I am sure you are aware, it's one thing to ignore a low (or not wait for it to go away after taking in some carbs - before doing anything else.) In the case of a treadmill, no harm was done. In the case of driving a car? Well, I don't even want to go there, but this could be deadly!

It doesn't help that your judgement is impaired when you're having a low. I've run into this several times when I want to finish a movie I'm watching on the treadmill and my bs is going low. You think you can ignore it, even though if you were at normal levels you would know you couldn't....

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