When I was pregnant, my eyes were constantly monitored by the combined team at Beth Israel and Joslin. Actually, diabetic retinopathy is the sole reason for my c-section delivery of the baby, because the spots they saw were too close to the macula for the medical team to advise "push" for me. (And if you are inclined to comment about how c-sections are evil and how I should have pushed anyway, save your comments for someone who has the option to chose. Because my kid is asleep in the other room right now, and I can't exactly shove her back in and try again.)
After the baby arrived, I was scheduled for several follow-up appointments with the goal of checking out my kidney function, the healing of my c-section incision, and the progression of my retinopathy. But then things got all jumbled - my six week follow-up turned into a seven week one, and it was hard getting into the city with a newborn, and then we moved again ... excuse after excuse, but I have yet to re-dilate my eyes.
A few days ago, I noticed a little ... you know, I can't really describe it accurately, but it's a something in my eye. Right eye, lower right hand side, sort of like a Pac-Man ghost you can't quite catch. I've Googled it and some have described it as a "floater," but in any event, it's new. It's not there all the time, and it usually comes into play after several hours of computer work, so I'm inclined to chalk it up to eye strain. Or exhaustion. Or a combo of both.
It could literally be nothing.
Or it could be something.
And because diabetes is a piece of garbage, I have to check this ghost out. So I'm calling today to make an eye dilation appointment. This is one bit of follow up that I can't duck out on, especially since the worsening of eye complications kind of goes hand-in-hand with BSparl building. I'm on new medical insurance, so it could require some juggling and hoop-jumping, but I can't let today end without that appointment secured.
Eye complications are one of those things that I've always had a healthy fear of, but with the advancements in the treatment of both retinopathy and diabetes as a whole, I'm confident that if there's an issue ferreting around in there, I can deal with it. It's the lack of knowledge that kills me. I don't do well with fear, and I definitely fear the unknown. I'm aiming for answers, regardless of what they are, because I need to nail this thing.
It could be nothing. But if it's something, I'm ready.