A week ago, I felt very crummy about my level of physical activity lately. And about my post-baby body. And just about everything related to diabetes management. I felt like the only thing I was doing was raising the baby, and everything else was falling by the wayside.
I needed to be held accountable to my desires to realign my health. And for the last week, I've gotten back on track a bit. I haven't missed a single fasting test (we're talking immediately testing, like before I even vault from the bed in the morning) and my meter average is down in the last 30 days, from an average of 175 mg/dl (horrible for me) to 126 mg/dl (almost there). Even though I'm not liking all the numbers I'm seeing (hello, 214 mg/dl this morning after a miscalculated midnight snack), I'm at least emotionally ready to handle any number that shows up.
I also think I've hit a bit of stride with working out, as well. It's not so much the actual workout, but more just GETTING THERE. With BSparl and her cute little needs, she and I spend a lot of time together. Scheduling a time to get a workout in has been a challenge. I can't bring her to the gym with me, so if I head out for a real "gym workout," I need to negotiate with Chris's schedule as well. We have the ellipmachine here in the house, but I need to have BSparl either napping or in a chilled out state (read: memorized by her hands or the flying snail) before I can climb on for a 30 minute haul. For me, I had to break through the mental wall of "I deserve some time for this." I was making what I've heard is a classic new mom mistake, which is to let the baby dictate everything about my day: wake up when she wakes up, sleep when she sleeps, and exercise once she goes to college.
I needed to grow a pair and do some things for myself.
(Ew, Kerri. Did you seriously just write "grow a pair?" Where's your class, lady? Hathat. /digression)
BSparl usually goes to bed around 9:45 pm and sleeps until about 8:30 am, without waking up. (Except for last night, when she woke up at 3 am and wanted to hang out and talk about her presidential picks for 2012. She made some mention of a Hilary/Siah ticket, which I would love to see.) So I'm trying to schedule my workouts for either before she wakes up in the morning or after she hits the sack. I'm doing the same for my consulting schedule, working my conference calls in during scheduled nap times and for days when Chris is also working from our home office. Now that the baby is developing more of a set schedule, I can work mine around hers. (Which explains why I was on the ellipmachine yesterday morning at 11 am, during the first of BSparl's naps. And at the gym again late last night, after the little biscuit had gone to bed.)
Workouts are slower than they were, pre-pregnancy, but much better than a month or two ago. My c-section scar is healing very nicely, and I've regained some muscle mobility in my lower abdomen (meaning that I don't have to roll on my side like a crustacean when I try to get up from doing situps). Overall, I'm aiming to do more cardio these days because I want to lower my overall body fat percentage, and because I have tendinitis so badly that I can't pick up a damn weight even if I wanted to. But now that I've gotten myself to the gym a few days in a row, I feel back in the groove of working out ... and I missed it. So I want more of it.
And that's the feeling I missed. That desire. For something more than making certain the baby is healthy and happy. I want to be healthy and happy, too.