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Things That Won't Cure Diabetes.

KERRI walks to the center of the living room and sits down on the couch, across from SIAH, who is sitting in the corner, staring aimlessly at the wall.

KERRI

Oh Siah, I just received an email!  About a chocolate shake with glucose-reducing powers!  And how, if I purchase the family pack of chocolate powder mix, I'll get a free personal blender and I will also be cured of my diabetes!

SIAH

(blinks)  Meow?

KERRI

I know!  Diabetes cures apparently are everywhere.  Even in my spice rack, because it seems that just a spoonful of cinnamon, added to every meal and smeared on my face like Noxema, will help me achieve good blood sugar control.  Man, if only I had known that these diabetes cures were there the whole time!

SIAH

(licking her paw) You know this is a load of crap, Kerri.  Cinnamon doesn't do anything for your diabetes and chocolate shakes?  Come on!  Even I know better!  And I'm a cat!

KERRI

You make me crazy, you.  I'm being sarcastic.  Sausage, there's been a lot of snake oil peddling going on, for years.  Emails coming in, left and right, about how all these fake cures.  Serums, supplements, glucose regulation pills that claim to give you a fasting blood sugar of 100 mg/dl and perfect skin.  Bunch of crap. So frustrating.

SIAH

Like the guy with the Bible cure that Kelly wrote about?  Dr. Toolshed?

KERRI

Exactly.  That guy is preying on people's faith.  

SIAH

(aside) Decent pun.  

KERRI

Thanks.  But he is.  He's selling this book about how God and faith can cure diabetes, and he actually says, in the book, that God can choose to cure type 1 or type 2, if he wants to.  Like all I need to do is pray all day long, and of course buy Dr. Toolshed's book, and I'll be cured of type 1 diabetes, no problem.  Also, this guy has dozens of books, all claiming to be the answer to how to cure different diseases.  He's either miraculously talented as a medical professional, or he's a charlatan padding his bank account with the faith of others. 

SIAH

I lick my own behind, and even I'm not dumb enough to buy into that guy's ruse.  

KERRI

I have faith, Sausage.  And I have a lot of respect for people who have more faith than me.  But George said it best:  "I believe in God and seatbelts."  I think that prayer is good for the soul and that insulin is good for my body.

SIAH

Can I have some tuna fish?

KERRI

Wait, you know the word "ruse?"

SIAH

I use the Internet.  Wanna see my favorite sites?

KERRI

Hang on, I'm still on my soapbox.  All these false cures are so disheartening.  Just a bunch of companies and individuals trying to make a buck off of our chronically ill community.  I believe in prayer.  I believe in tea.  And I sure as hell believe in chocolate.  But none of those things will make my pancreas get off its unemployed behind and make insulin again.   

SIAH

How about you get off your behind a get me some tuna?

 KERRI

Fine. 

(She gets up and opens the pantry, retrieving a can of tuna fish.)

But my point is that I cannot stand the cure peddlers.  Unless they're working at the DRI or some other research facility that's actually working to cure type 1 diabetes, I don't want to hear about supplements that wean people off insulin or a book marketed towards the faithful, promising a cure for whatever ails them.  It's depressing, watching all these people make a bundle off the hope or the miseducation or the desperation of people who are living with diabetes.

SIAH

I agree.  And once you dismount from your soapbox, wanna think about busting open that there can?

KERRI

You are obnoxious.

SIAH

(grinning in a weird cat fashion)  Meow.

Comments

you make me smile

Siah is a smart little sausage! hehe

I was trying to catch up on the convo last night on twitter and I was so confused. That guy says that type 1 can be cured and he's seen people go off insulin, and then he said he doesn't suggest anyone go off of insulin...???

And, I think he said "Thanks for the compliment" to you so that if someone were to look at his page, they would see that and think you buy into his BS too! What a pooper.

I can just picture Siah coolishly conversing with you! That was great!

I agree that people, companies that peddle cures for not just diabetes, but across the board, are really worse than the mold that grows on mold. (if there is such a thing)

Well, let’s say this quack is right and his God is sitting on a cure just waiting for people to ask nicely enough for it so he can *BING* make the diabetes go away.
Here’s my problem with this RIDICULOUS assertion: I am the mother of a child with type 1 diabetes. If I had it in my power to cure her I would do it in a heartbeat because I love her more than my own life and I want her to be free of this *#@! disease. I would not wait for her to ask nicely for the cure. And while I was at it, I would ensure my cure was spread among the masses without discrimination. And I’m a mere mortal! I’m just a Mom who knows only too well what it is like to watch my child suffer! Why isn’t his God capable of such compassion?!!

This doctor is so full of shit it isn’t even funny. And he may fool some people with the crap he is selling, but the majority of us are able to see through his kyfe and see him for what he is: a sleazy shyster with visions of getting rich at the expense of others.

I’ll tell you who should pray; he should pray with all his heart that his false claims don’t cause someone to die as they wait for some crazy miracle because he promised that all they need do is pray!

btw, excellent post, Kerri!

Excellent points made, all the while using your trademark sense of humor. Love it!

Hear! Hear! These commercials -- and e-mails, and banner ads -- drive me crazy.

Wonderful post Kerri! I have great faith in God and I don't see him as a God who sits on His throne waiting for us to say "pretty please". God hears us and has a plan for all of us. Hopefully one day that plan will include a cure for Diabetes. :)

I think you are giving him too much credit. I mean, come on, a tool shed is a VALUABLE piece of property. I keep all sorts of good tools in there to help me with all sorts of things. So maybe he is Mr. Cupboard, or Mr. Linen Closet, but Mr. Tool Shed, hey lets not disparage the tool shed. Maybe I will go look for my feathered boa in there along with the matching pants.

JIM! I totally forgot about the feather boas, the galoshes, and the tiaras!

A cure goes to the first guy to sport this ensemble. ;)

Kerri, you are a funny gal! I love reading your posts and I can relate to so much you write about...dlife, being a mom, forgetting what I thought about 3 seconds ago, and so on...

I love that cat!

You make me smile Kerri! I believe in God and also basal and bolus insulin.

Great post.

You have such a smart cat. Mine just set and look at me.

Honestly all this does is make me mad, there is a lot of misinformation out there about diabetes and these supposed cures. These vultures prying on the desperate but using religion just puts the icing on the cake, is it too evil of me to use that purported prayer time to ask for smiting privileges....lol

It's so sad that someone would try to get money out of the faithful diabetics in the world. It's like stealing the identity of an old person. It's just wrong.

Dr. Toolshed + miracle cure= LYING MORON!

Thanks for the post, the tweets, & the shoutout!

Kelly K

The thing is - I believe God COULD choose to cure diabetes through prayer. In the Bible, He cured people through prayer, mud, spit, and one woman who touched the hem of his tunic. It's about having faith. Faith in an all powerful God. The same all powerful God who gave the intelligence and inspiration to all the scientists, researchers, and doctors who have made the progress we have seen so far.

Do I stop taking my insulin - no way. By the way, George's tweet about God and seatlbelts inspired a post of my own a few weeks ago - http://www.diabetesdaily.com/knicks/2010/05/god-and-seatbelts.php

P.S. Someone told me once to not feed the trolls. They'll never leave if there is food for them.

Now, this just makes me sad. Post a pic of that beautiful baby again so we can feel hope....

what a well-written article as always! These things make me so furstrated! what a crock

I've been stressing a bit over the psychiatric evaluation I am required to do next week for my transplants. After reading your blog, I feel very much more reasured about this visit regarding the transplants and my sanity.

I wish you well

Robert

Annoying....but yeah, kinda funny too. I once had a woman tell me that I had diabetes b/c the devil was living inside me but if I prayed really hard I'd be cured. Fun stuff.

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