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Cats and BSparl.

Dear BSparl,

Don't think that you can come in here and be all small and cute and expect us to love you.  Everyone keeps coming by and cooing over "Oh, how much hair you have!" and "You sweet baby, you make the silliest faces!"  They want to marvel over your teeny hands and teeny feet, and the little snaps on your newborn baby clothes.  They hold you and rock you and sing to you and when you burp, they laugh at how cute your burps are.

Not us, though. We're on to you.

Don't think we've forgotten that WE used to run this joint.  It was once all about us, and how small and snuggly we were.  How soft our fur was and how much we made her laugh.  Kerri used to write posts about how we'd make silly faces and even how we'd alert her to low blood sugars.

Siah waits for the tides to turn in her favor again.
Siah feels like she's in jail these days, with the baby in the house.

Please.  You think we're going to alert her to anything, when first she replaced us with that Dexcom thing, and now she's replaced us with YOU?

Don't you hear the noises you make, baby?  You wail at a decibel that even we, as cats, can't tolerate.  For something so small, your lungs are acutely developed and capable of some serious sounds.  We tend to hide under the bed, but not because we're scared.  We're actually under there, all three of us, conferencing:  "She's LOUD, right?"

And those white things ... the diapers?  Yeah, those.  We think Kerri and Chris should be thankful that we use a litter box and it only has to be dealt with every other day or so.  You, baby?  Require attention in your nether regions every two hours or so, shooting out epic yellow poops on a whim.  But we can't figure it out, BSparl.  They like, celebrate your crap.  They say, "Oh, that's a good one," and they mark it as some kind of success in a book by your changing table.  They're never celebrated our offerings, even when we leave them outside of the litter box so they can get a better look.  Most we get is an "EW!  Which one of you crapped on the floor??"  We don't feel appreciated for our efforts, that's for damn sure.

BSparl, you don't know how good you've got it.  These two idiots worship you, even when you're gross.  Appreciate that, little baby, because they buy the groceries for this house, so it's good to be on their side.  And besides, they've purchased you all these fun things to sleep in, that we are trying to 'share' with you, but they aren't having it yet.

Abby shares BSparl's bouncy chair.
Abby seriously digs the bouncy chair.

We, as a cat collective, know that we'll warm to you eventually.  Because once you are able to work the can opener, you'll be useful to us. 

Best,
The Cats.

Comments

HAHAH, that's awesome, Kerri1

Hilarious. Friggin' hilarious!

To our East Coast friends,

Thanks. You just made Kari and Neppie barf up their food in laughter. (And Perl highly advises against peeing on Kerri or Chris. The kid can do that, but not you guys.)

Love,

The Colorado Star Cats

Dear Cats;
let me tell you - eventually your little Bsparl WILL know where Kerri and Chris hide the cat treats and she will dole them out. Trust us. All you need to do is snuggle up close at night and act like she's your best friend in the whole entire world. Then, when nobody is looking, she'll toss you treats. Kerri and Chris will notice you're putting on a few pounds but they'll be done the wiser. Play your cards right, kitty friends, and bsparl will even share table food with you. The chicken is the noms. I'm just saying, don't be too quick to dismiss her usefulness to you. She will love you and hug you and let you sleep on her head - and she'll think it's funny. Someday she'll come home from school, and the first thing she'll do is look for you. And many times, she'll tell you her problems. (patient listening often gets rewards too). So dear friends, this baby thing - it moves fast. PRetty soon she'll be running. now THAT's when you need to learn to hide. But after that you're golden.

Best cat + baby post ever!

Fab point of view here!!! And hilarious to boot! Great writing!

Donut and Bart advise: Don't worry friends - in a year or two, the little loud one will be able to open doors to the great World Outside for you and will spill Many Treats on the floor. She will also pull tails, so make sure you stay in shape to move faster than her.

Excellent! Totally made me smile on a day when I didn't think I could! Really well written too, you should totally write a book kerri!

love, love, LOVE!

Dear Cat Collective:

It's me. Shadow. Yes, the one who looks like Siah. Believe me, I hear you and fear for the worst in my own household - the one I currently DO RUN. The idiots that watch over me are planning.... They think I don't know. But I do. I hear your tales and know that the World Domination Plot must continue, and continue quickly. Already, we've recently been able to make their BGs drop Low. It's beginning and we will triumph in the end. But I trust you all "know what to do" about this little BSparl - she can be used for our benefit. Good luck, my feline friends. Conquer All, and Live Long Well with Cat Nip!

Freaking hillarious! Awesome. Still laughing. How ar the cats reacting to BSparl?

Dear Cats, just you wait til Bsparl is on the move. First she'll eat your food(maybe only once though!) then she'll think your tail is the best toy ever. Better suss out the best hiding places now.
Meows and regards
Millie

haha very cute and funny!

I have a very strange daughter...and I don't know where she gets it from! :)

LMAO!!!
~They like, celebrate your crap. They say, "Oh, that's a good one,"~

oh my god, that made me laugh so hard. I can just see it.

HA HA! That is GREAT! I love it!

To: Cats of BSparl Clan,

It only gets worse. The noise and the attention is nothing. Wait until she is around 18-24 months. You will be running for your life. The boy child in my family didn't ever pay me much attention - he is happy to give me piles of crunchies, but that's about it. But the girl child is obsessed with me. She runs around chasing me, saying "Cute Kitty!" My human parents try to keep her away, but it's impossible. I spend most my days in a closet because of that girl child. Will it never end??? Peace be with you, my feline cousins.

From: Thorin, 15 yr old cat on the run (or hiding) from a 2-yr old girl in WA.
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LOVE IT!!!

Hey Siah,

Girlfriend, from what I hear, it is going to get worse. Those little human things learn to move around on their own and will chase you when you just want some quiet time. They learn to pull tails!!! And fur!!!! They look so sweet and cute just to throw you off - which is awfully gutsy because the "so cute and sweet you'll never see it coming" routine belongs to us cats anyway.

On the other hand, that baby creature IS pretty cute and sweet. (You're lucky, because it looks like you got a really good one.) I think you can handle her. I bet she'll turn into one of your best friends . . . . besides me, of course.

Purrs and nuzzles,
K.C.

I really needed a good laugh. Thank you! Just love it :)

Ha! When we brought our first child home, our dog stood in the hallway looked me straight in the eye as I stood with our newborn son in my arms, and she peed. Non verbal communication that I always interpreted as "well that is what I think of that." Later they were best friends, he dropped an awful lot of food from his high chair.

Hahaha! Kerri, this is fantastic, you gave me a good laugh -- thanks !

It's good to see that the kitty's are coming around. I love your expression in the voice of the cat. Thanks for the great read.

So fun!

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