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Day Twelve in Captivity.

I've been in for twelve days, and we have eight to go before BSparl arrives.  And I can't do any rainbows and unicorns crap about this experience.  The first week or so that I was here, I was a miserable mess, very depressed and experiencing some huge emotional swings.  In short, I was completely wussed out.  I felt very alone, despite the fact that I was visited every two hours by nurses and doctors.  I felt alone, despite the many phone calls from family members and friends.  And I felt alone, even when Chris was sleeping in the cot next to my hospital bed. 

Granted, I'm pretty sure I'd be crying my face off even if I was comfortable at home, just being at this level of hormonal upheaval in my 35th week of pregnancy.  (Case in point was the other night, when I saw the Folger's commercial on the television - the one where the daughter came in late the night before?  And she's talking to her dad at the breakfast table?  And she shows him her brand new engagement ring?  Oh, I lost it.  All sobbing like I knew this girl and was going to be her maid of honor.  /digression)

There's something so isolating about being stuck in the hospital. 

I could really use one of these cards these days.
One of these would be great right about now.

This room, this little box of a room that I've been hanging out in for twelve days, started to feel like a jail cell.  The ceiling has 35 tiles.  The floor is hardwood, and I was on the verge of counting those slats, too.  I would go from the bed to the bathroom to the window back to the bed and then to the bathroom again, only to end up back on the bed.  Occasionally I would venture out into the hallway and grab some ice water, but I was trying to stay off my feet as much as possible because since being admitted, my swelling has reduced considerably.  (Considerably as in I've lost eight pounds in the last twelve days, and it's all water weight.  My hands and feet look more human every day.)  

Physically, yes my swelling is improving but the blood pressure is creeping up oh-so-slightly.  Every time the nurses come in (and sometimes they come in without knocking, which confirms that I have zero privacy while here, which goes against every fiber of my privacy-desiring being ... yes I understand the irony of a blogger who craves privacy.  /digression no. 2), they check my blood pressure and it's gone from my at home readings of 120/70 to 136/78 to 144/82 ... and last night it got as high as 155/90. 

"Whoa."  I said, trying not to freak out.  

"Not to worry.  We'll page the resident on call, and we'll keep checking your vitals every two hours or so.  Nothing will slip by us.  Promise," the nurse said.  I felt confident that they would stay on top of this.  And eventually, my blood pressure came back down to the 140/80 range.  Still high, but not nearly high enough to induce a quick delivery.

Despite the progression of my preeclampsia, in the last day or so, I've turned an emotional corner.  Maybe it was marking the halfway point of "being stuck here" and "BABY!!"  Once I was on my 10th day in captivity, I realized I was halfway there.  And that made it easier, seeing the light at the end of this lonely tunnel and knowing my baby was at the other end of this.

"Maybe it's because you're used to being here now," Chris said last night, as I told him I felt a little better about being trapped here.  "You wake up, you know what to expect, and you know when this whole thing is ending."

"Wow, that's sad.  I'm used to expecting a loooong, boring day of pokes, prodding, and fetal monitoring?"  I laughed.  "That's like the saddest thing ever."

"We're almost there.  She's going to be here so soon, and then we can all go home and ..."

"Freak out."  

We both grinned.

Comments

I am so sorry you are stuck in the hospital. I can't wait to hear about the freaking out that goes on at the Sparl household :)

I'm so glad the light at the end of the tunnel is coming. And as much as you hate the experience now, you will get home and wish you had nurses coming in every few hours to check in on you and the baby. Because having someone next to you and available at the press of the call button is invaluable when you are at home and alone with the baby and not knowing what to do. And I am so excited that your little girl will be here in just a week! Yeah for you and Chris!

This post made me tear up & grin at the same time. (And I cry over that very same Folgers commercial and I don't have 35-week pregnancy hormones to blame! Who has two thumbs and is a total wuss? THIS GIRL!)

Anyway, I love that you're starting to feel a little better about being there and I REALLY love that BSparl is so close to arrival that you have just over a week left. Then you get to go home and...wish you had the time to count ceiling tiles?? :)

Hang in there, Kerri!!! Big hugs!

Last year I spent 14 days in the "body and fender shop" - it's when I found out I was a type II

Be thankful - you get to enjoy BSparl when you get out - Me? I got to have 9 days of NPO out of the 14 (no food OR drink) and was in enough pain that until day 12 or so, I was on Morphine ever 4 hours.

You have a roommate that screams all day and night? 20 hours a day of moaning and screaming the last 7 days - sigh

And spend the rest of your lives freaking out. :) I'd say until she was 18, but my mom swears she still freaks out about me all the time about me (although she hides it well) and I'm 28. :)

I can't even begin to imagine how tough it is being stuck in there. But I'm so very glad that the rays from the end of the tunnel are starting to come into sight. There is a little something on it's way to you that I'm hoping will help fight the boredom too. ;) Please let Chris know that when it comes via Mr. MailMan, it should be brought to you in your jail cell - instead of left at home until the baby comes. (Unfortunately, it's not a cake with a file in it though!!)

Hang in there Kerri! You will be holding little BSparl in about a week, right? And that moment, when you look into her eyes, all of this stress and annoyance of being locked up and feeling huge and so very pregnant will melt away as a distant memory. PEACE.

Those Folgers commercials really tug at the heartstrings! I was in the first trimester over the holidays. I was a blubbering mess most of the time and the Folgers commercials did not help.

The one that really got me was the one where the older son returns home for Christmas and hands his younger sister a gift present and she says, "You're my present this year."

OMG, I had to start changing the channel when that commercial came on!

Glad to hear that you're making peace with your new surroundings. Soon it will all be just a distant memory!

I love that commercial! It actually made me cry the other night also, it was that hormonal time of the month. :) Can't wait for your baby girl to be here, so excited for ya'll!

You're almost there!! Glad you're feeling a little bit better, and I hope this last week flies by. Keep your chin up!

Keep hanging in there!! Think about the bright side of it that you've been in for over half the time already :) Soon you'll have your little bundle of joy!!!

Thanks, you guys. And it's making me laugh to know that the Folgers commercial gets to some of you guys, too. I think it's SO emotional and I keep picturing Chris talking to BSparl after her fiance proposes ... in a million years from now.

(And Nici, the one about the little sister? Gets me every time, too. I hate Folgers. They are making me dehydrated from crying!!!)

@Kerri: Well, coffee is a diuretic! Can you imagine drinking Folgers coffee while watching a Folgers commercial bawling your eyes out? No need to go potty anymore.

Mmmm, coffee!

Good heavens, people, I'm tearing up here at work over the little sister one, and I haven't even seen it.

Kerri, I don't know if it would be safe to do, but I wonder if they'd let Chris or one of the hospital volunteers take you outside for a little while in a wheel chair or something? Some hospitals have little patios or gardens. Just getting a little fresh air and sunshine might be a good thing. I wish I'd thought to ask when I was in captivity myself, but then, they had me hooked up to the fetal monitor 24/7, so I couldn't even really go for a stroll.

Hang in there - you are almost there! I follow your blog regularly and am a huge fan of yours. Here's a suggestion to pass the time - go to sporcle.com. There's lots of mind and trivia games that are fun and waste time. Good luck - there are thousands of people rooting for you!

Another way to pass the hours.... peopleofwalmart.com

Here's a cartoon that I hope will make you smile. Hang in there!!

http://www.sidelines.org/articles/high-risk-unit/

Things to try on while you are bored at the hospital:

-Reading- when BSparl comes it will be hard to find the time... fit in every Jodi Piccoult book you can now!

-Online Scrabble- go to pogo.com, you can play against real people or against the computer

-Think up cool inventions to help anything- you'll be amazed at the random stuff you come up with

-Get someone to bring you
paint by numbers, play dough, crayons and a coloring etc. all sorts of childish arts and crafts. It will be practice for BSparl.

- Ask if there is an elderly patient nearby that you could visit and play cards with. Maybe they could wheel your bed next to hers/his. You both might enjoy the company, and you might make that person's day!

- I'm a teacher, want to correct some 3rd graders papers while you are bored? Kidding (sort of!)

- Listen to music, download new mixes to your Ipod, make mix CDs, make a Baby Lullabye CD or a Kid's Choice CD so you are ready!

- Have people bring you their laundry, and offer a laundry folding service while they are off at work (obviously a joke)

- Make decorations for your room (and for other peoples' rooms if you are so inclined.)

- Listen to a "speak another language" cd. Learn another language.

- Chart random statistics on your blog (like how many times you use the word diabetes, or Siah)

That's all my rambling. Hope these ideas keep you entertained.

I'm sorry you're stuck in hospital, but you're BOTH going to come out of there safe and sound. And months from now you'll look back and this will seem like a blip in the memory bank :)

K- I was wondering if they plan on doing an Amnio before your c-section next week?
I ask only because I am a T1 too, and my doctor at 37 weeks said she is doing an Amnio to check the babies lungs, and if all is good. I will have my c-section.
I just question if I necessarily have to have one. Hmmmmmm.........

Heidi

You are almost there! It will all be worth it in the end. I have a friend who was on hospital bedrest for 3 month's! Also with a hubby and daughter at home. Now they are one big happy family. Enjoy your last bits of boredom. The next year will be a whirlwind. : )

Kerri, sorry you have to be confined to the hospital but in the end, you will be going home with a beautiful baby (just look at Mom and Dad :) ). Take care and best wishes.

Oh Wow!!! She's almost here!!! I remember those days in the beginning. My girls are almost 14/18 this summer. When they were giving me my epidural the lights went out due to thunder storm. Hang in there kid, not long to go now. Whats her name? do we get to vote on names? or has it allready been decided?

Hey Sweetie,

I'm about your age and I'm still single, but I work as a hospital chaplain. I'm so sorry you're stuck. That's why I visit people all day though...and listen a lot. I have a congenital heart condition myself, and have had surgery twice. I was only in overnight, but seriously I was bored out of my mind.

Hang in there! I'm so excited for you guys!

Melissa

Thank you sooo much for sharing what you're going through. It has made me appreciate my previous pregnancies so much. [I know, I just used so much twice in one paragraph]

You're a real trooper, and I think you're going to be great when you get home.

And though we haven't told our extended family... I thought I'd share. I just found out I'm expecting!

Holy crap. I'm nervous and excited. I'm hoping I can be as upbeat as you've been.

Again, thanks for sharing. You've made these past nine months go quickly.

It's interesting to read your perspective on being in the hospital for an extended period of time.

My son has a chronic illness and sometimes needs to stay in the hospital for two to three weeks at a time. I never really thought of how boring it is until you put it in to words. It always seems chaotic to me because I am rushing back and forth trying to juggle sick child, healthy child, work and housework and maintain sanity

Thanks for putting your thoughts and feelings out there. It gave me something to think about.

Hugs to you and bsparl.

So something totally random, but silly to think about...8-days from now is TAX DAY! My parent's were married on tax day and always inevitably are doing their taxes last minute and never get to to enjoy the day...not that you have much control in this, but push it off to the 14th or the 16th, lol.

Hi Kerri, Glad to hear you are hanging in there. It's almost over now!! As the mother of a premie, just remember that you on bed rest is way better than a baby in the NICU. But you are getting so close.
In response to the 15th, thing. It's my mom's birthday, and poor thing, we always had to go to the post office or something prior to going out to dinner. Who wants that stress on their birthday. But most people I know, get them done way before the 15th.
All the best, we are pulling for you, and starting to get excited. I can't believe all you have already done for BSparl, she is so lucky!! and so are you, to so soon have a healthy little girl to hold and love!

Hang in there! The light at the end of the tunnel is all warm and snuggly and will make you completely forget this entire ordeal!

But you'll be able to freak out.... in private!!

Yep, it's probably just that you are used to it, and you feel "at home" in your hospital room now... how sad huh? But you are ALMOSTTHERE!! So excited for you!!

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