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Day Seven in Captivity.

Little on the down side today, thanks to having just marked one week "in" and with still two to go.  What the hell is there to write about, from the mind-numbing confines of my hospital bed?

At the moment, BSparl and I are hooked up to the fetal monitoring system, and I can hear her heartbeat pumping along like a rhythmic Clydesdale and can see the movements of her little 5lb, 5oz body being tracked on the graph.  It looks almost seismic, like a BSparl earthquake.  


They haven't checked the protein levels in my urine in a day or two, but things appear to be holding steady.  Blood pressure is climbing ever-so-slightly, but monitored constantly, and there's room for titration in my Labetalol medication (read:  they can give me more of that crap).  Still rockin' the heparin injections twice a day (hate) and still not sleeping through the night thanks to the monitoring.  (Which I understand the necessity of, but it's not making for "relaxing bed rest."  Bed rest is a misnomer.  This is more like jail where the wardens grin and mean well.)

One of the hurdles I'm having a little trouble with is the diabetes management aspect of things.  The Joslin team comes by once a day to review blood sugars and make suggestions, and they are the experts in all-things diabetes.  However, I am the expert in all things specific to MY diabetes, so I've been working hard to achieve a tolerable blend there.

For example, one of the (very nice, very knowledgeable, mind you) endocrinologists had some commentary about a post-prandial blood sugar of 137 mg/dl that I had two days ago.  In my mind, 137 mg/dl an hour after eating is downright badass, and I'm very happy with it, especially considering that the pre-meal number was 84 mg/dl.  Good control, in my eyes.  

"Well, this is a little high.  We'd like to get this post down."

I don't mean to be rude.  I try to be a good patient, a "patient" patient, and to find that careful blend I had mentioned, the one of my non-medical knowledge and their medical knowledge of diabetes.  But it was 8 in the morning.  And it was the third time I had been woken up by a doctor who wanted to review my goods.  And I didn't agree that 137 mg/dl post-prandial was too high.

"Really?  Too high?  I don't see it that way.  I think that's a number to aim for, especially seeing as how I leveled out to 98 mg/dl at the two hour mark.  That's a respectable peak, don't you think?  Otherwise, I'd be treating a low at the two hour mark."

"Yes, but it should be lower than that."

And I sort of lost my cool.  

"Okay, well how about we all call the FDA and get them to tighten up their requirements for 'what's accurate' to something a little more precise than 20%, and then we can start griping about a 137.  Because for all we know, that 137 mg/dl could actually have been a 110 mg/dl, and then I'm right in the acceptable range, right?"

(I am Kerri's terrible, bedrest-fueled, pregnant rage.)

They agreed that 137 was okay.  And that revisiting my post-prandials after another day of review would be a good idea.  And then the fleet of them shuffled out the door.  I felt bad about blowing off steam, but really - I'm in no way a "perfect diabetic," but these days, I'm running really tight and carefully with my numbers.  Let's remember that the reason I'm having post-prandial peaks is because - oh yeah - I have diabetes?

It's challenging, that feeling of having people take my diabetes management control away from me.  Not that I have all the answers or have it all figured out, but I've been living with this a long time and my own instincts and experience should be as strongly considered as the vast medical knowledge of my new, trusted caregivers here.  I'm no diabetes expert, but I'm pretty well-versed when it comes to "Kerri."  ;)

Eventually, I'll find a way to balance my issues with control while "in captivity," but until then, I may need to vent here a bit.  Because I'm pretty sure they're not reading me. 

... Whoops.

Comments

I agree that your post-prandial of 137 is "bad ass" :). Keep up the great work!

That is bad ass, and so are you!

whoops?! They ARE reading your blog? You poor thing. At least you can hope it gives them an education.

BSparl earthquake. That cracks me up!

It sounds like a long haul, but you seem to be handling it well (even with the rage) and I know I'm not the first or last person to say -- it will be worth it!

Thinking of you and your family!

I think blowing off steam is a pretty good thing to do to keep you sane! and you are 100% correct - they're looking at a snapshot and you're looking at the whole picture. They're trained to see 137..high..and you're trained to see that 137 in a whole lot more context, the context of YOU.

Keep rocking those bg's. You're doing a fabulous job.

Love when they freak out over a single reading. Like I'm going to mess with insulin because of 1 reading.

I like the part where you quoted Fight Club.

You just keep on keepin' on with your badass self, not to mention that badass baby you're growin'.

The next time you need a distraction, may I suggest a very righteous concert video? It's a couple of years old, but I believe it is relevant to your interests. :)

Hey, that's better than my 215 four hours after dinner. Umm yeah, my mouth loves that Papa John's pizza, but my body isn't wanting to use that insulin so much. (Yes, the pizza was amazingly yummy!) My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kerri!

I have to agree that 137 for a postprandial IS good! Especially at the 1 hour mark. I know you're kind of succumbed to their wishes while you're in there but don't let them make you question your control. From a diabetic's perspective, you're doing an awesome job for you and that baby of yours. Hang in there Kerri!

I feel for you Kerri. I had an appointment with the boys regular pediatrician last week and checked all three boys while I was there. (98, 111, and 168.)

When I got to the 168 and asked my 8 year old to enter that number into his pump, my uber-wonderful-super-amazing-pediatrician, who I absolutely adore said, "168, high high high!"

Say huh? Thank you Mr. Diabetes police for saying that to my 8 year old. My son looked at me like, "Is this guy nuts??" I let it pass, I didn't tell him my son just ate a gronola bar in the car on the way to this appointment and that number ROCKED. And I regret that I didn't. I wish I would have said something. Good for you for speaking up!

It's okay to let "Evil Kerri" come out and play every once in a while. I know that's what I do when someone I love is in the hospital.

It is about the big picture-and you're doing a fantabulous job.Hospitals induce lots of stress(upping both bp and bg) Sending you calming & peaceful thoughts...hang in there!

"How about we all call the FDA?"

Please tell me you actually reached over and picked up the bedside telephone when you said this -- just for emphasis.

Kerri, thanks for keeping those folks more grounded in the real world. Hope this next week passes super quick.

BTW, 5 lbs 5 oz is a great size, BSparl's going to keep both of you busy. :-)

Well, I think it's a little ridiculous for them to be splitting hairs over a post-prandial of 137. That is an incredible number! I, for one, would like to know your secret! You sure they weren't just searching for relevance at the bedside of a pregnant, 20+ year veteran of this disease who obviously has the proverbial bull by the horns where control is concerned?! I honestly can't believe they would take issue over this one reading that isn't even high! I'm irked.

Really can't talk with authority about the whole D-pregnancy topic... However. This sounds like a case for the D-Mob. Way to be on that ball. Good Friday wishes your way, in keeping up those great numbers that all but those fools seem to recognize as pretty darn freakin awesome.

Tell 'em what they need to know - they know the "book" stuff, you supply the "Kerri" chapter! : )

Hang in there!

Are you kidding - 137 after a meal? We would kill for numbers like that!

I wish I ws 137 1 hr post eating. man! :) great job taking care of you and Bsparl!!

Just wanted to say LOVE IT. My bloodsugars have not been over 140 for 2 weeks now and my endo wants my bloodsugars to be below 100, actually 70-90...I want to scream with happiness at 135! :)
I'm only 7 weeks along...and I'm sure I've got a lot of screaming left to do :)
Keep up the GREAT work Kerri!~

It's amazing to read your blog and see what you go through every day. My husband has type 1 too and he gets so frustrated with doctors that don't seem to understand Type 1 diabetes.

Remember how far you've come in preparing for this baby! My baby is due any day and despite my difficult pregnancy (on bed rest for 5 months, still on nausea medication) reading your blog makes me grateful I don't have type 1 on top of it!! I am very proud of the people that deal with type 1 diabetes 24/7 and admire you for working so hard to stay healthy for yourself and your child. Good luck!

I agree that 137 post is bad-ass! And if it's been working for you rockin' out the way you have been, then the white coats need not bother you! (If only it were that simple.)

I hinted to something on Facebook yesterday that I wasn't brave enough to say outright that goes along with your point of being uneasy with anyone taking your diabetes management away from you. I can't imagine a week (+2 of it.) Hell, I'm worried about one stupid 1-hour surgery (and recovery time) and how they're going to handle me!

You're doing great Kerri. I can only imagine how it can get you down...but as the 3,900,657th person to say it, the consolation prize of holding BSparl is going to be worth it ALL!

Great work Kerri! I love those blood sugars! You are doing so well. I think sometimes doctors forget that they are dealing with DIABETIC patients....not just regular patients. A little wiggle room on the numbers is more than okay. :)

137 is BAD ASS any way you slice it missy! I would have said 'And who's rockin the diabetes now Mr. Dr?' to him. I am so thrilled you spoke up. You are the expert on YOU. You know yourself so well, I think they should learn a thing or two from you and your wily ways :0)
Hang in there. You are doing a fabulous job of being on bedrest. Or maybe you should call that 'bed-annoyance.'

I haven't visited since your shower pics. OMG! You'll get through this.
At least you had your shower.
I had my shower then 2 days later Chloe was born 5 weeks early.

OMG 137 1 hour after a meal?!! I would be so happy if my son had that number! But, I would also be worried he would have a low later on if his number was any lower at that point! Drs!!!!! I know what it's like not to have control in the hospital. I had GD with my last and was in the hospital a few days before she was born. I had the GD under complete control and was calculating carbs for meals not calories. Well, the nurses wanted to go by calories and it was driving me CRAZY!! I was thinking, I know how my body has worked with this GD stuff and you know nothing about how it works!

I think you kept your cool remarkably well - considering you didn't scream obscenities or lob bed pans at him!! (You didn't, did you??) Anyone who thinks a 137 post-prandal is too high obviously doesn't have diabetes. I understand doctors are trying to help us, but some things just aren't realistic. And add that into your week of captivity and that fact that you're only 1/3 of the way through? I'd say he got off easy!!!

I know I keep saying this, but hang in there. I know Easter will be especially hard, but just keep thinking about NEXT Easter and bringing that beautiful baby girl (or one year old girl, at that point) for her first picture with the Easter Bunny!!! It will be here before you know it!

I haven't felt that type of frustration when it comes to diabetes management in a long while and after reading everything you are going through, Im glad!

I really wish doctors would realize that in a textbook world, things will be perfect, just like those textbooks they read. But whoa, hello reality! Reality is so far from textbook and they should realize that life isn't "perfect" and your numbers, along with everyone else's numbers will not be "perfect"

137 is fantastic, they need to stop freaking out on you like that, its bad enough you are in captivity, sheesh!

I remember being hooked up to that non-stress test a lot when I was pregnant. It was so awesome to be able to hear them moving around in there and the little heartbeat.... so precious!

There's a light at the end of your captivity - and she'll be beautiful!

Call me crazy, but isn't 137 perfectly normal PP for a NON-diabetic person?! Sheesh. Back to school, Mr. Endo }:-P

Hang in there. Is it painful to crochet?

That's got to be frustrating. Good for you for knowing your stuff and standing up for yourself in a vulnerable situation. Bed "rest" is hardly that, and I don't know if it affects you this way, but poor sleep tends to make my numbers a little higher.

On the flip side of that, I remember being really surprised by my mom's post-surgery experience. She's not diabetic, but the staff monitored her blood glucose levels and kept them at a steady level to promote better healing after her heart surgery. (Special menu, insulin injections when needed, and the like.) I'd heard horror stories about hospitals completely mismanaging blood glucose in diabetes patients, so her experience was encouraging to me.

Awesome, awesome post! And good for you for sticking up for yourself and knowing your body! Too often, the medical community looks at numbers and symptoms through "textbook eyes." Doctors are often unable to comprehend that bodies react differently and we are not all built the same and will not all react in the way things are described in medical textbooks. It really pisses me off and I've become much better about standing up to doctors and doing what I know is best for my body. It's hard, though, but we have to keep in mind that in this information age, we have access to all the information that doctors do. This makes knowing our bodies (and the limitations of things like glucometers with their +/-20% error rate) much easier. Now we all just need to muster some courage and say the truth!!

As someone who has sat with my incoherent T1 husband in the hospital on a number of occasions--I get your complaint. It's valid. And my T1 husband says the same thing. After 28 years he knows what the hell he is doing. His doctor just realized that after 10 years of taking care of him and then putting him on the CGM. Scott called his trends before the CGM was ever placed. The doctor now listens to Scott. Amazing. He might know a thing or two about the diabetes he lives with.

YOU TELL 'EM SISTER!

Kerri rules! And don't you forget that Joslin team!!!

Way to go, you. Sometimes the medical types get so cerebral about things and don't think about the real-life, in the trenches stuff. Is 137 one hour after a meal seriously achievable for someone with diabetes on bed rest with a baby? Maybe, but is the stress necessary to get there? You can always chalk stuff up to hormones, too. That's the nice part about being a WOMAN with diabetes, lol.

If the doctors give you any more trouble, they'll have hundreds of Six Until Me readers knocking on their door! We're all looking out for you!

137 is a number totally worth celebrating!

Great Post Kerri! 137 rocks and good for you for speaking up. You give me courage to say such things.

I would be THRILLED with a post meal number of 137.

That IS bad-ass!!! What do they expect??

Hope you find some sleep in there!! Hopefully we can keep you entertained until they free you with BSparl!

Kerri:

WOW! Complaints about a BG of 137 after a meal? Unreal! I think they need to take a venous sample, rather than a fingerstick (at what cost, God only knows!) When I was diagnosed in 1972, there were no meters to speak of. They pricked the veins in my arms night and day, in order to figure out what my "normal" daily dose of NPH and Regular insulins should be!

Oh, ouch. Though I've been pregnant as a diabetic, that's about all I can relate. Yikes.

You're doing great!! I wish things could be better for you. But you'll get through and having your Bsparl will make up for MOST of the headache the pregnancy was, if not all of it.

Idiots! I know for a fact that non-diabetics can have a spike of 137 1 hour after a meal! I am certain if I were much lower than that I would be having juice for dessert :) Sometimes you just wish one day of real life Diabetes on them so that they can really get it. Bless his heart he probably read it in a text book somewhere :)

What the?! All that static for a one hour pp that was *gasp* 137? Okay, first of all, my endo and peris weren't pushing the 1 hour test for me when I was pregnant precisely because of what you said -- my blood sugar might be "out of range" (i.e. above 120) at 1 hour, but a correction would only leave me with a low at 2 or 3 hours. Then we start the roller coaster ride, and no one wants the roller coaster ride.

From what I have heard/read/experienced, stricter docs who do consider a 1 hour pp important generally advise a reading of 140 or below. GUESS WHAT? 137 is below 140! You nailed it, sister. I rarely tested at 1 hour, but whenever I did I was happy as long as I was under 200. That meant my 2 hour pp would be golden and I wouldn't have to deal with a low. I had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy son. Talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees...!

Hi Kerri!
I used to LOVE my time on the monitor everyday while I was in the hospital! I'd get a flat reading in the mornings, so we'd do it after lunch and there would be lots of kicking/movement. I told the nurses that MY baby was going to let me sleep in every morning. They laughed at that comment, but it turned out to be true!! Sometimes I'd even hook myself up to the monitor and settle on my bed, rub my belly and watch tv for 45 minutes. One nurse even gave me a 'Good Job!' sticker for hooking myself up! LOL Anyway... I just wanted to remind you that you're in the BEST place for you & baby right now. You might be bored silly and feel like you have a revolving door to your room, but isn't it worth it??? It SOOO is! I had my room looking very 'homey'. Apparently you can nest in a hospital! I had Lysol wipes and I would wipe down everything daily! Also, my doctor would let me go outside for a breath of fresh air and a little walk whenever I wanted. If it was too much for me when everyone wanted a 'piece of me', I'd go outside for a few minutes. The nurses thought it would elevate my blood pressure, but it actually helped it! I wish you the best of everything, Kerri... and soon you'll be holding your baby girl, and your hospital stay will be just a memory! xo Take care!!!!

I heart 137 :) That rocks!

And check out that girl of yours! That's a rocking strip too!

LOL. Maybe I'll let my evil self out to play next time I visit the doctor who had nothing real postive to say even though I went from a 347 BG average the week of 01 January to 126 at the end of March. I left that office fuming.

On the bedrest side of things my wife was on bedrest for 10 weeks with our last child and it does get a little easier after awhile. It was actually hard to get her out of the hospital once she delivered. Keep your head up and don't back down off of those goons in there!

I have nothing but the utmost admiration for someone who references Fight Club from a hospital bed. ;)

Kerri, I know just how you feel yes its like jail and thank God its only for a short time. Blow off all the steam you need too, they are trained it deal with it, and I so agree you only you know your body and your diabetes.My son says the same thing and I always trust him and hes usually right. take care and your on count down now. You will get threw it!!

Hang in there, Kerry. I've heard similar things about Joslin-managed pregnancies. Honestly. You are clearly not someone who is taking your control lightly and who needs a stern talking to. Good grief, a 137 1hour pp? Sensational! And of course, most of us would be chugging juice within the hour if we corrected for that.

Ahh, the joys of D in the hospital. At least they don't have you on a "diabetic diet." Or do they? I remember with my babies, someone in the kitchen had taken a black sharpie to juice, jelly, and syrup. Carb counting anyone???

You are doing a fantastic job!!!

I feel so bad for you being stuck in there with all those idiot doctors and nurses who obviously can't give heparin injections. I love reading your blog - you tell it like it is; the real down and dirty crap that us diabetics have to go through. I am at week 35 in my first pregnancy and have been a type 1 for 10 years. I measure my bp and weight with constant paranoia waiting for the inevitable preeclampsia.
137 post prandial is excellent. I'm surprised you didn't throttle that Dr because like every endo who only understands what textbooks teach them because they have no first-hand experience of the disease themselves (I think it should be a requirement that all endos who specialize in diabetes be diabetics themselves!!) they have no idea of how hard it is to achieve perfect control while eating. Maybe that's what you should have told him "okay, maybe I should stop eating then because my blood sugar will go up when I eat" BSparl is one lucky lucky little girl having a Mommy like you!

If you hadn't already heard a CDE say tell you, "Way to Go!" You are doing a fantastic job and I'm sure this is just a preview of what a fantastic mom you will be! And really, can we expect any specialist to not find SOMETHING to nit-pick? They need job security :)

Keep up the good work Kerri, and Happy Easter to you and your little BSparl Bunny.

Kerri, you're awesome! I agree that 137 mg/dl is completely fine one hour post-prandial. I was told the pregnancy goal was 140 mg/dl one hour after eating. Silly endo!

Hang in there!

137? Whatever. Next!

I'm no endo but I know badass and 137 is badass.

Wow...another idiot Endocrinologists is on the loose. Seriously, I'm not diabetic and I'd be proud of a 137 for myself, if DD who is type 1 had a 137 it would be the exception and not the rule. You are doing an awesome job taking care of baby! You were way more civil with the doc than I would have been. I get so tired of experts being so stupid about T1.

Well said Kerri! So near now and you will all be home soon safe and sound :)

Although this is ultra agravating and you have a valid point about the 20% difference, keep your eyes on the big picture. I would not split hairs over one #. Focus on staying relaxed. Joslin , and of course your diligent work, have gotten you where you are now. They are making your greatest wish a reality. As I was transitioned from the insulin drip back to my pump after my c-section, the Joslin fellow that I had last year answered my phone calls through the night EVERY HOUR. I cannot say enough how his willingness to team with me over my care eased my anxiety and allowed me to maintain control when so many other things were happening to my body that were out of my control. You're almost there! Just think, before too long your baby girl will be in your arms. There is nothing like it. And that 137 will be a distant memory...

Thank you for the fight club reference. You consistently remind me why I read this blog every day.

You go Kerri!!!

As for your "137 is high" endo, first ask him to take a hit of insulin and have a bang 'em low sugar. The fire his butt!!!
The endo getting his cheap comment in for the $200 he got to "help" you hardly seem right. We're, the pumpers, are with you!!

I'd say you handled the 137 mg/dl "too high" comment very nicely. Damn book-doctors.

I say we rip out his pancreas and see how he does after a meal.

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