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Two Heartbeats on D-Blog Day.

Diabetes Blog Day, 2009.  Holla ... and whatnot.The first time we saw him (or her), it was at the emergency room back in Connecticut.  We were only seven weeks into the pregnancy and barely had caught our breath from finding out when the bleeding happened and I panicked.  We spent five hours in the emergency room, poked and prodded and with an IV line at the ready, only to finally be wheeled into the ultrasound room. 

"Just relax, Mrs. Sparling.  And we'll take a look and see if everything is okay."

And the screen switched on and Chris and I saw our baby's heartbeat, strong and steady and fast, beating inside of me.  Everything changed forever, even though nothing had changed yet.

The bleeding stopped that day, and we moved forward, cautiously, frightened, and so hopeful.  A few weeks later, my mother and I (Chris was in LA on business) were at my Joslin appointment for the first "official" ultrasound, hoping to see the baby growing strong and steadily.

"Oh, there it is.  There's your baby.  Those parts there at the end?  The feet.  Those are the little feet, ready to kick."

And I watched as the teeny, hamster-looking creature inside of me kicked his little feet.  So small.  So ... surreal.  I couldn't wait to see him again.

Two weeks ago, Chris and I were at the Joslin Clinic for the first of a few second trimester ultrasounds, and from what my eight months pregnant best friend had already told me, this ultrasound was very different than the first one.  "It looks like an actual baby at that point," she said, her blue eyes wide.

Chris and I talked with Dr. T, the OB/GYN, for a while about how I've been feeling, my numbers, and overall how the pregnancy is progressing.

"I feel good.  Tired a lot, and doing a bit more traveling than I'm used to these days, but I'm feeling better now that I'm in the second trimester and past that fall-down exhausted bit from the first couple months."

"Good, sounds like you're doing great.  So ... wanna see the baby?"

"Yes!"

I hopped up on the examining table and Chris took a seat by the ultrasound monitor as Dr. T. moved in with the external ultrasound wand.  "A little bit of this warm gel right on your belly and ... okay, there we go!"

On the screen was a baby.  A whole baby, all big-headed and waving arms and kicking legs.  Our baby.  Hands with fingers, legs with knees.  This baby looked like a real baby.

"Oh my God, is that him?  He's so big!"  I couldn't believe this was the same little hamster from just a month or so ago.  He took up the entire space of my uterus, which was a big change from all the room he appeared to have a month ago.  Now he looked like he was out of room in there (and I knew that meant my own expansion was coming fast).

"Yes, that's the baby.  Calling him a 'him,' are you?  We'll find that out next month, right?"

I watched as the baby turned and squirmed, raising his arms up and his body lurching just a little bit every few seconds. 

"Dr. T, does he have the hiccups in there?"

She looked closely and smiled.  "Yes, that looks rhythmic and steady.  Looks like hiccups to me.  Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

She turned a knob on the ultrasound machine and suddenly the room was filled with a steady whump whump whump sound - the sound of our child's heartbeat.  It was incredible, hearing my own heart thudding in my ears with excitement as my baby fluttered along inside of me.  Chris held my hand as I brought the other one up to my eyes to catch the tears that collected there.

Two heartbeats, both inside of me.  

And today, on D-Blog Day, I wanted to share this story with you guys.  You have been with me from when Chris and I first moved in together, back when the dream of a heartbeat other than my own was something I only hoped to one day hear.  Now, every day that passes brings BSparl closer and closer to meeting his mom and dad.

When I was diagnosed, they said that children would be near impossible for me.  And while I know that nothing is certain until that baby is in my arms, I am already so proud of where we've come, as a Sparling family and as an even larger diabetes community.  We have hope now, hope for lives that are wonderful and meaningful, despite diabetes.  Diabetes is a heavy load to carry, but with the support we get from this community, the burden is so much lighter.

Happy D-Blog Day, you guys.  And thanks for being part of my extended family.

Comments

celebrating w/you!!!

thank you for all the years of posts - downs and ups and all arounds. So happy for you now and what is coming in 2010!

Kerri, I so needed inspiration from you today and boy did I find what I needed. THANK YOU.

That sound is the best sound ever.

Congrats again and again and again!!!!

While in the hospital after my daughter was diagnosed, my older daughter and I were in the first level bathroom and I got a call from my husband that the dietician was there for our next session. I called to my oldest we needed to get upstairs and a lady, who was leaving, paused, turned around and asked why we were there... I explained about my youngest. She said to me that she was in my shoes 20 years prior and that her daughter, also upstairs, had just delivered a second healthy baby. In my numbness, I didn't realize the power of those words, but I will always be thankful for them and her in a time when my world felt like it was falling apart.

I am so thankful you share your journey with us (and I can't wait to "meet" bsparl).

Made me cry..again....
Really so happy for you!

beautiful. congratulations, again!

Just beautiful, K. Seriously, gorgeously beautiful - than you smuch for sharing these moments with us. xoxoxo - N

you got me crying too! I remember those moments (yes we had ultrasound in the olden days) and was lucky enough to see my grandson's ultrasound before he was born. Way too cool!!!

You got me crying too! You made up for the "it's on" comment you made in an earlier post. I remember those moments (yes we had ultrasound in the olden days) and was lucky enough to see my grandson's ultrasound before he was born. Way too cool!!!

Such a touching post! Congratulations again, and thanks for sharing this journey!!

Such a touching post! Congratulations again, and thanks for sharing this journey!!

Oh, the bleeding thing - We thought we lost my daughter too. Early ultrasound also (she looked like a peanut, so that's what we called her till after birth)

She's a 5ft6+, 130 lb 12.5 year old now - Almost taller than her Mom and I

Just reading your title I thought you were having twins.

Even though I was diagnosed much later, (19 and a soph in college)Steal Magnolia's was all I knew about being diabetic and prenant. I am now pregnant with my second (due 4-24) and totally enjoying reading your posts and being right there with you.

Also, just a coincidence, but you just moved, and I am moving next week.

Awesome. Although I have to tell you, if I keep reading your post through tears my computer is likely to short out one of these days!!

Many years ago, when the ultrasounds were a "new" thing, we saw son #2 for the first time. He also had the hiccups. I can still remember watching the screen in awe. It's the first photo in his baby book!

Wow! I can't even imagine the fear you must have felt. Then, to actually see the baby and hear the heartbeat - how amazing! I'm so happy for you.

it's magical! I still remember the first ultrasound for my daughter and she's 16 now!
Congratulations again!
Thanks for sharing this precious moment with us!

oh wow..thank YOU. It's been an honor to share this weird surreal diabetes journey with you over the past few years; me as "just" a mom, trying my best to watch out for my son, you as a woman who shows me that with good care, a great life is possible.

thank you!

Kerri, this brought me right back to those second trimester ultrasounds with Joseph and Evan.

I am so happy for you guys.

((Hugs))

Sandra

Kerri, you've done it again - I've teared up something terrible at work. I panicked when I started to read this post. I'm so happy that all is well. Thank you for sharing your personal journey with us. Hugs xxx

((hugs))
Awesome. Thanks for sharing with us.
Happy Dblog Day!

Kerri,
I'm so excited for you and BSparl. (and Chris too!) Thanks for sharing your journey with us. :-)
Happy D-blog day.

I love BSparl posts! That brought back so many happy, happy memories for me- 11 years and so many months later, and I remember each ultrasound like they were yesterday. You will, too!

When is the online baby shower....I am so excited for your. As your baby grows we should do a baby shower toilet paper game. Guess how many pieces of toilet paper it take to get around the new mom.

Congrats! What an amazing miracle!

The best part of having D while pg is that you get to see the baby a LOT more often :-). I loved that! It kind of helps to make up for the extra stress of the whole high-risk thing. Enjoy those sneak peaks. And thank you for sharing this with us all. I get all choked up going through this with you.

I was in tears when I read your post this morning;) thank you for allowing us to be apart of you and your families life.

Congrats Kerri :)

I am loving these posts about you being pregnant with BSparl :D It brings back so many memories of my pregnancies and how magical they were (even through the morning sickness, it's truly an incredible feeling to know that a little person is growing inside of you!).

Just wait until you feel those kicks - those are the BEST (well, until the very, very end when there is no more room for those shenanigans in there lol). We're all right there beside you as you go through this. Thank you for sharing this story with all of us Kerri.

I am a T1 diabetic mom to three perfect boys. I now feel like I am expecting my 4th!! Life is good....

How wonderful. I remember that day well. You know you can rent your own doppler online so you can listen all you want at home? The bleeding can be so very scary. I had several bad bleeds with James - and he's 6 now! Jen is right - being high risk has it's rewards - namely LOTS of ultrasounds!

Thank you for sharing and happy Dblog day... a trip down memory lane for me reading through your post...enjoy every flutter, every moment! every extra ultrasound ;-) ((HUGS))

Congratulations!

Kerri, I'm in tears with joy. I really should learn NOT to read your blog at work. I'm thrilled for both of you. Thanks for sharing this update with me.

Congratulations! I know this will be a road of both enthusiasm and anxiety for you, but wishing you much more of the former!

Take care,

Jennifer

How exciting!! Thank you for sharing with us

Very exciting. I could never tell ass from elbow on those things (literally). Keep up the good work!

Your OB isn't Richard Gere, is it? Just checking... 'cause that would be weird.

Awww....sniff
Another BSparl post that brings me to tears! That first time of hearing the whooshing of that little heartbeat - it still gives me shivers thinking of hearing it for the first time with our DD, and then DS 2 years later. Thank you for sharing. :)

Kerri, It is now Nov 2012 and I have found you just in time for your past experiences to help me through my own experience. I have had diabetes for 24 years and my fiance and I are embarking on getting baby ready. All of your thoughts, fears, joys are mine, I mean as I read your story I feel like I am speaking. I have found someone who really understands. Your blog is helping me to get through really tough times as I am getting better control so that I may get the green light! I wear my sensor every day and feel naked it without it too, although it can drive me crazy sometimes! I want to just thank you so much for having the talent, the words, the courage to live your life on a computer screen. I appreciate it all. Charleen

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