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Looking Back: For My Mother.

As I'm working hard to build a healthy baby, my appreciation for my own mom grows every day.  Tonight, I'm revisiting a post from when I first started blogging in 2005, acknowledging just a few of the things that she did to make diabetes feel "normal."

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For my mother...

Thank you for driving me to Joslin, even though you didn’t know the way. And for continuing to take me, despite how scared you were to make that lethal left hand turn onto Pilgrim Street to get to the parking garage.

Thank you for Clara Barton Camp, for sending me there. Spending summers with other diabetic children and counselors made me feel less alone and isolated. And made me confident enough to talk openly about my diabetes. To anyone.

Thank you for hiding ice cream sandwiches in the boxes of frozen peas and Ring Dings in the laundry cupboard so that I wouldn’t eat them. I know you were trying to protect me, but you’ve also provided me with stories that make my friends laugh so hard they cry.

Thank you for being patient with my nasty low blood sugar reactions – when I would throw bowls of cereal or cups of juice at you in my hypoglycemic rage. Or tell you I hated you. Or scream empty, desperate words of fury as my blood sugar plummeted. You know I never meant any of it. Not a word.

Thank you for being patient with the high levels, as well. When I had eaten something I shouldn’t have, or had skipped my shot on purpose. You kicked the plastic container on the floor when I was 385 mg/dl instead of yelling at me. You never said “Why are you doing this?” but instead “How can we stop?”

Thank you for trying with me. Walking to the benchmark on Watch Hill Road, traipsing down to the Harbour House with ice cream as a reward, or just going around the block a few times. You would tie your jacket around your waist, tuck a pack of crackers in your pocket, and talk to me about anything but diabetes as we strided confidently towards good control.

Thank you for crying with me. When I was frustrated. Or devastated. Or overwhelmed. Or lost. You said it was okay to cry. And that it was scary. You were scared, too. But I would be okay.

Thank you for making me feel normal. For not allowing insulin injections or blood sugar testing to come between me and my childhood. When Jill asked me to sleep over for her birthday party in second grade and I wasn’t doing my own shots yet, you drove to her house that night, before cake was served, and gave me my shot. And you came back, early in the morning, to give me my breakfast injection. I was diabetic, but they couldn’t tell by looking at me. They just couldn’t tell.

Thank you for letting me wake up Easter morning to see a basket that looked just like Darrell’s or Courtney’s, save for the fact that the contents of mine were sugar free.

Thank you for making my soul as healthy as my body. You understood that the disease is not just a matter of injections and beta cells, but also emotional strength and perseverance. You helped make me strong, in ways that translated far outside the reaches of diabetes.

Thank you for being certain that I would survive. I know you were scared when I was diagnosed. I was only six. But you were strong and seemed so confident that I would be okay, so I didn’t worry. And I believed you.

And you were right.

I love you very much, Mom.

Comments

Oh Kerri, this post made me cry! For all times I gave my own mother such a hard time, and she was just doing the best she could to love me and give me a "normal" childhood....I think I'll send her a link to your blog and tell her you said it better than I ever could! Thank you.

When I was diagnosed as a T1 back in May of this year at the age of 45, yours was the first blog I found and read. And yours is one of the ones I continue to read, and posts of this nature are one of the reasons why. I love your writing. Please, keep it up!

You made me cry too. I can only imagine how proud your Mom must be of you. Beautiful post.

We have the greatest mom ever!!!! and youll be a great mom to bsparl.......and ill be a great aunt also....love you

WOW!!! Such a touching post. You brought tears to my eyes. You also gave me hope that as Tristan gets older, he will understand that everything that we do, we do for his own good. That we are always and forever putting his needs first (being a kid, managing his diabetes, finding a balance, etc).

Thanks for giving me hope! :)

Oh how I LOVE this post Kerri! Do you know I have it saved in a 'Diabetes-Inspiration' notebook I started? I had to, cause I needed a place to go that helps me, helps me get through the hard times. Your Mom must be so very proud of you and she must feel so content inside that she did the best she could raising you. What a great gift that is to her Kerri!

Thanks again for posting, it really is a beautiful testament to your Mom

I'm wiping the tears here too!
Kerri~ Your Mom must be SO proud right now! She raised you to be such a wonderful person and now she's well on her way to becoming a Grandma and I can only imagine her excitement. :) A D-Mom's job is hard....very hard...but it was her "job" as your Mom to do those things to protect and care for you....and she did it AMAZINGLY well!
I can only hope and pray that one day Kacey grows up to say those same things about me. :)

Thanks for sharing!!

Awesome post Kerri, I too remember my Mom coming to my friends house to give shots at night and early in the morning so I could sleep over like a 'normal kid' :)

What a beautiful post. Your Mom sounds like an amazing woman, as is evidenced by your own amazingness. (new word!)

Wow, Kerri. You are going to be a wonderful mom. I'm so happy for you.

I aspire to be your mom. :)

Kerri...i echo all of the comments here. your mom is hero material for sure!

beautiful post, k! we don't tell people enough what they mean to us. this is a perfect way to celebrating thanksgiving. sending you lots of love and prayers as you grow that baby!

Kerri, I was a counselor in boathouse at CBC for a summer in 1998. That little connection just made me smile. I am not living with diabetes myself, but I have never forgotten what I learned there that summer. I "met" you through the blogging illness session at BlogHer this summer and have been following ever since. Can't wait to read if BSparl is a boy or girl.

Holy Cow...thank you Kerri. I loved every word.

I think you're going to be a great mom.. and you're baby is going to be so lucky! :)

I am the mother of a 5 year-old T1 diagnosed at 27 months. Thank you for inspiring me to keep up the good fight for my beautiful daughter!

Tears...trying so hard to give my little doll the normal childhood she deserves

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