The Guy with the Heart Pin.
(This has nothing to do with diabetes, but I had to tell this story at a dinner a few days ago and it made me blush all over again.)
When I was in college, I met my mother for dinner at a town halfway between her office and my dorm. We decided on an Italian chain restaurant and asked to be put in a corner booth.
"We're kind of loud," my mom said.
So we settled into our table and ordered our food from the waiter, who was wearing a white button down shirt, a red vest, and a black apron. (And pants. Don't get all crazy on me.) After our waiter walked away to place our order with the kitchen, my mother noticed that a bus boy, clearing tables, was wearing a bright red heart pin on his collar.
"Mom, do you know what that pin means?"
I always notice pins, ribbons, and other awareness jewelry.
"No. Our waiter didn't have one. Ask him, he's right over there."
So I leaned across our table a bit and said, pretty loudly: "Excuse me? Why do you have that heart on?"
The tables closest to us stopped chattering and turned to stare, a shared incredulous look on their faces. But I had no idea what was wrong. So I cleared my throat and tried again, only louder this time.
"I'm sorry - excuse me? Why do you have a heart on?"
The busboy stopped dead in his tracks and a bright red blush took over his cheeks. "Um, what?"
(Oh. My. God. What did I just say?!)
"No, no - oh my God. I said a heart. Like the heart pin on your shirt. The heart. Not hard. No, no ..." I'm crying, laughing, and trying to forget that the rest of the dining room heard something decidedly less appropriate than "heart on." He shuffled over, about to burst into flames.
"Um, I'm wearing this pin because I made a donation from my check to the Heart Association and they gave me a pin to wear on my uniform to show what I did and okay? That's why I have a heart on. A heart PIN on." The words came out of him in one steady stream, like a firehose.
"I am so sorry!!!" I buried my face in my hands, laughing. My mother was almost out of her chair, cackling, "You're asking him about a heart, not his manhood! Not his manhood!"
The dining room errupted into laughter, old ladies dabbing tears from their eyes.
The busboy shuffled off to call his therapist.
And dinner arrived shortly thereafter, with a seven waiter escort because they wanted to see the perverted patron who accosted the busboy. I could barely whisper a word, I was so embarrassed.
"I said HEART."
Comments
OMG that was the funniest thing I have heard in a long time! Thanks for posting that. I am sitting here dying laughing!!
Posted by: Anonymous | April 8, 2009 10:44 AM
I am SO glad you shared that story. After all, laughter is good for the heart too!
Posted by: Karen | April 8, 2009 11:12 AM
Hahaha... wow... that really hit the spot on a day like today! Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Anne | April 8, 2009 11:23 AM
OMG! Why, oh WHY couldn't I have been dining at that restaurant that day!? Too freakin' funny!
Posted by: Sherry | April 8, 2009 11:27 AM
:)
Posted by: nikki | April 8, 2009 11:31 AM
Poor Kerri. My face turned red just thinking about it! :P
Posted by: Cara | April 8, 2009 12:16 PM
That was fantastic.
Posted by: Krista | April 8, 2009 12:56 PM
I have a heart on for you!!
Posted by: Marnie | April 8, 2009 01:15 PM
This is why I ((heart)) you!!
Posted by: Marnie | April 8, 2009 01:15 PM
I don't often post a comment here....but absolutely HAD to today! I LOVE it!!!!! So something that I would say and not realize either until too late! Thanks for sharing that story....I needed that laugh!
Posted by: Anonymous | April 8, 2009 01:51 PM
a kerri moment if there ever was one! LOL! thanks for the giggle today!
Posted by: landileigh | April 8, 2009 05:27 PM
That just cracks me up! You made my day! That would be something my mom and sister's would do.
Posted by: Diane Faust-Counsellor | April 8, 2009 05:41 PM
Yeah, yeah, you said heart, right??!!
Posted by: karend1 | April 8, 2009 07:38 PM
That is the funniest thing I have ever heard!
Posted by: Christine | April 8, 2009 08:58 PM
Sure ya did!
My mom has a great story about as a teenager asking her neighbor if he had blue balls! She was baking Christmas cookies and menat the little colored ones you use for decoration. Sure ya did Mom!
Posted by: Sara | April 8, 2009 11:26 PM
O....M.....G!
Toooo funny :)
Posted by: M | April 9, 2009 02:11 AM
Kerri thanks for a great laugh. Even with your great retelling I wish I'd been there. :-)
Posted by: Bernard Farrell | April 9, 2009 09:45 AM
LOL....hey, that new england accent gets us in trouble quite often!
Posted by: Michelle | April 9, 2009 10:39 AM
ROFL....too much!
Posted by: jaimieh | April 9, 2009 11:27 AM
I read this yesterday, but had to come back to read it again, after telling my husband the story last night.
I'm sitting here at work cracking up at my desk!!!
A much needed laugh :)
Posted by: Jen | April 9, 2009 12:46 PM
You made me laugh out loud - something I haven't done in quite a long time. Thanks for sharing!!
Posted by: Ronda Darling | April 9, 2009 06:44 PM
I wanted to make a joke about how one of my previous clients called me once, asking for an emergency session because he was traumatized at work by a patron who asked about his erection, and how that must be an amazing coincidence, but I couldn't think of how to phrase it because it's almost 2AM and I need to get to bed.
Posted by: Lee Ann Thill | April 10, 2009 01:42 AM
Reminds me of the time I asked my husband if he wanted a cookie... he turned around wondering why in the world I'd be asking for a quickie while in my mothers driveway!
Yours is much better- always is when there's a public audience!
Posted by: Karen Lewis | April 17, 2009 04:36 PM
Classic!
Comedian: "I said to my wife,'how could God have made you so beautiful and yet so dumb' and without hesitation she said: "oh that's easy, he made me beautiful to attract you to me and made me dumb enough to be attracted to you!"
Posted by: Bking88 | December 22, 2011 10:36 PM