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Vlogging While Low.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the Internet last week.  I wanted to record a vlog post on my lunch break, but my blood sugar took a bit of a dip. 

Moron that I am, I still recorded and talked my face off.  

The point I made at the end of the video is one that I've thought about a lot - diabetes is an invisible disease, especially for those of us who are younger.  Even though we are dealing with diabetes every day, it's not a disease that is visible to people on the outside.  There's a certain blessing to people not knowing we're "sick," but does it make it seem like we don't need our cure?

Oh hell yes we need our cure.

Comments

Well done, Kerri. Thanks for having enough of a sense of "This is important. I need to vlog this," even while you were low and probably didn't feel too much like doing that at the time. Then to have the courage to post it!! It is much appreciated!!

OH! ...and I hope you're feeling a little better!!

Wow.

This is my first comment. I've lurked for a long time and I visit your site every day.

I think the thing that makes your blogs and vlogs so powerful for me is that you say exactly what I'm feeling but am unable to put into words.

Today's vlog while low ripped me open. You perfectly demonstrated the feeling of frustration, confusion, and anger that make lows so difficult to live with.

I think on the whole we suffer silently and don't ask anyone to feel sorry for us. But every so often we discover a chink in our armor and slide into despair and self pity.

I often share your posts with my wife so she can better understand what I'm going through. As a man I hate the notion of being a whiner but sometimes I need to feel like someone else understands.

Kerri - don't stop what you are doing. Keep being yourself - you have no idea how valuable you are to all us lurkers.

Dave

Kerri:

Thank you so much for doing that. While I know it was hard to see yourself go through that, it was helpful to me, because now I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm not crazy, like my family sometimes thinks I am.

You couldn't have done any better.

How true - we don't look sick - we may act crazy, but hey, that's not from diabetes, is it?

My life exactly.

Thanks!

I know this. I hate this. Fuck, I am tearing up. Thanks for this. Type 3's need to see this. non-d folk need to see this.

Vlog on, sister-friend! I totally hear you. I hate being at work or hanging out with friends and having my time interrupted, disturbed, taken away, violated whatever. . . by those annoying lows. It really feels like someone is robbing me of my time and my life and my free-will. I start to resent having planned to do something with myself for that period of time and losing that as an option because I'm too low to participate. Like a time-out for adults, only I didn't do anything to deserve it! I actually feel violated and pissed when I get low at those really inopportune times.

Highs are bad too but at least I can function through them. Lows are awful. And I feel like I'm floating outside my body watching myself and I see that I don't LOOK impaired but surely as if I had downed a few shots of tequila I CAN'T THINK. I can't string a thought or a sentence together. I try but I just can't. I don't DRIVE when I'm low, that's how seriously disoriented I get. It's scary to think that other see us and think we're fine. Insulin just allows us to LIVE with this stinky disease, it's not a cure. I want to live like people with good pancreas' live. THAT'S a cure!

On a totally unrelated note, I sent a link to your vlog to my husband, so he can see I'm not the only one who rambles when low ;)

It is tough to come across to others as healthy and capable, but also present the various & sundry ways diabetes makes it SO difficult to *be* healthy and capable. I don't know if a 15- or 30-second ad or a page in a magazine can ever truly capture that thought.

Amen.

There's really nothing else to add. This is essential viewing material for non-diabetics to help them understand what we deal with every day.

Amen.

What's crazy is you were so not incoherent to me.
I understand lows, intimately. Wish I didn't but I do.

When low you do feel incoherent and to others who are unaware you may sound it.
But to those who have experienced it, it makes sense. Unfortunate, annoying, frustrating sense.

I am pleased you shared this. Your point is right on, it is invisible so most people think we are "fine." As a whole, we are. But the struggle to maintain the "fine" is what they don't see or cannot grasp.

Lows simply suck. I hate them. I fear them. I would rather be high then low, any day, any time.

Thank you again.
Hope you're feeling better!

This vlog really made me stop and think because my 3 year old daughter with diabetes will be having a low and appears to be "normal." It scares me to think how she is really feeling...yesterday when she was at 55 she just starting crying and now I think I have a better understanding of why. It is so hard to be a mom dealing with her 3 year old diabetic daughter b/c I can't relate to how she is feeling and she can't exactly explain it yet either. That is one reason I so love your blog b/c it gives me a little insight and understanding into how she could be feeling. Thanks for this and everything:)

Hi Kerri
Thanks for this vlog. I have a debilitating fear of hypos, and avoid them at all costs much to the detriment of my health. One of the reasons is that I am very self conscious and in my head people might think that I am weird, or nuts and will leave me alone rather than help me because I don't look "normal". Seeing your vlog made me realise that non-diabetics would not even know. You still looked normal even though you were low.
It has made me think about things a little differently, so thank you.
I haven't updated my blog for a while but I'm going to start again and see if I can get on top of this condition once and for all.
Donna

Excellent vlog post! I'm so glad you decided to post it.

Thanks for posting this. Hopefully it will help those of us who don't see debilitating lows... relate to them.

Wow. This reminded me of one thing which will stay in my mind forever: the first time I saw somebody other than myself having a visible low (at diabetes camp last year). I'd only ever experienced it from the inside before, and seeing somebody sitting there and being able to understand so entirely what a low feels like but not feeling it at the time was a real eye opener, and this vlog just drove that point home again. Everything you said I could empathise with.

Thank you so much for posting this today.

Thank you Kerri!...thank you for validating all of us...it is hard to suffer silently...

I was in church a couple weeks ago and going low...did not have candy or tabs on me...started feeling loopy/drunk while standing up to the music...it was terror, panic...I wanted to try to ignore it so badly...I was embarassed that hubby had to go fetch something from the car...so many emotions tied up into that one low...

Thanks again Kerri...

Absolutely fabulous post, Kerri. I want to send it to everyone I know because you summed up everything so well.

Gosh, Kerri. You're so right-on! That feeling of being low and having to wait, wait, wait for the balance to return is so darned frustrating.

The worst ones for me are when I know I'm low at work and don't happen to have anything with me. It happens, but only because I know there's the snack store a brief walk away. But being low and standing in front of all the candy selections, knowing I need to make a choice and knowing how many of them are just heavenly tasting, is killer. Milky Way Midnight...White Chocolate Reeces or limited edition Caramel...Peanut Butter M&Ms or the special Raspberry ones... Snickers with almonds or the special dark chocolate version... all these choices as the blood sugar is inching down. Totally annoying jet ridiculously delightful knowing I have a valid reason for eating chocolate is the ultimate, and I don't want to waste it on just any candy bar.

And your insight on the invisibleness is interesting to contemplate. It's both a blessing and a frustration mixed together. Thanks for bringing it up... food for thought!

Well done. The only thing I can do is echo what everyone else has said.

I know it was three hours ago, but I hope you're feeling better.

Hey Kerri,

thanks for posting this. Its somehow comforting to see that one is not alone with feeling mad while beeing low!

Kerri, the look on your face was exactly what I feel when I'm low. You just looked a little lost and scared. I'm so sorry that we all have to deal with stuff like this. All I wanted to do was get you some juice! And cry with you. Cause by that point, I think I would have been crying (I tend to loose it when I'm very low and I get frustrated).
Thanks for this vlog.

We love you, girl!! You are amazing. I just posted and featured the video on TuDiabetes.

Kerri,
Totally appreciate this post. Though I can't empathize when my daughter experiences lows...I know it's a terrible feeling. You are so right about the invisibility factor. I get so mad when people say how "manageable" diabetes is!!! ug and double ug!!...never a moment of putting it on the shelf...never...I'd like to see those people manage that!
Hope you're feeling better...8D

Thanks for this post--my little girl was very low at lunch--and showed no signs until her meter popped up a 55!!! She's only 3, so I honestly don't know how she was feeling, but I sure couldn't tell. She had been happily playing with her doll house! These kinds of lows disturb me more than anything!

Hot dog. This is exactly what I look like during a low. As much as it sucks that you have diabetes too, it's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone in my struggles. You're awesome.

This might be my favorite vlog I've watched of yours.

I'm so glad you decided to post footage from your low, and you brought up so many great points. Talk about making the best of a low! ;)

I just had a rather frustrating morning on the other end of the spectrum and your post made me feel a lot better.

Kerri - THANK YOU. You have summarized and publicized all of my feelings during a low in a way that I am often unable to. Yes, it may appear that I am normal, but anytime I am low, I mentally feel like a scared toddler. My only focus must remain on the task at hand, raising my bg.

It is very difficult for anyone who doesn't deal with this on a daily basis to understand that urgency.

Lastly, thank you for showing that I am not the only one who "rambles" when low *blushes*!

This morning on my way to the dentist I had a crashing low and started thinking (when I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, or angry about it, or freaked out that I was going to walk in front of a car) wouldn't it be cool to give all your friends a little fast acting insulin so they could feel what it feels like? I'm not really advocating that we do that because it could be pretty dangerous (but I do remember many many many years ago at diabetic camp they did this to the non-diabetic counselors so they could experience a low ---hmmm). I think the closet anyone can feel to these lows of ours are those who "hit the wall" while running a marathon, because that's what we do - we hit the wall, no sustenance left to keep us going. And we just keep going, pretending we're okay. I guess we're all marathoners of sorts. WOW! great vlog Kerri!!!!!!

I have been in business meetings while low and I desperately don't want to call attention to it, but it's SO HARD TO FUNCTION in that state.

So on the one hand people are asking you what you think about Project X and you're trying to stall and not sound like a ditz and not burst into tears but on the other hand you don't want everyone to give you the sad puppy dog eyes and wait while you come back to Planet Earth.

Ugh, I feel your frustration. :)

I will echo the comments I read above...Brilliant! I intend to blog about this over at www.gregbolt.com and hope it is ok to link this as well as embed the video.

Great Stuff.

Holy cow. Lately this has been bugging me to no end! I don't want people to feel sorry for me, yet I also want people to "get it." Especially MY people. They don't. Grrr. I guess now that I'm almost through my 17th year of dealing with it, and I'm thinking of having children, and getting older, (and desperately trying to get healthy) it's bugging me more lately. Much more. Thanks so much for your blog--I just stumbled upon it recently (in an effort to connect to others with diabetes) and I find it so helpful to read about your experiences. I don't actually know you, but now, to some degree...I do :)

Thank you so much for sharing this! You totally caputured the feelings. Means so much to know that there are others who truly understand.

I caught the link on Twitter and I have to say your vlog was very thought provoking for me. I've had lows at work where I was so confused I couldn't remember what I was doing and have had managers go behind my back and say I must've been faking because I wasn't having a total "Steel Magnolias" moment Grrrr. Then I've had some not so drastic lows where I've gone pale and started sweating and they asked did I need to lie down. The thing is no one understands what we go through everyday on this diabetes roller coaster but other diabetics and I think your Vlog can give some insight to non-diabetics on what it's like.

Wow, to actually watch someone during a low was very insightful. I am going to send it to my husband. He is totally supportive of me and my diabetes. You expressed what I can't. I'm not even able to speak. Keep on vlogging! Thanks

My husband watched this with me and turned to me to say..."You know what that is like!" Thanks Kerri for expressing how I feel. BTW you looked pale to me but only because I was looking for it. Take care

hugs.

thanks for sharing it. Its hard to know that this (or something like it) is what my little guy feels. And I can't take it away. And I can't make it better.

Wow, Kerry! I don't have diabetes, but that really affected me. As someone chronically ill, I would love to chat with you sometime about vlogging, etc. Thanks for doing what you do!

i am so moved by the personal courage you displayed in showing this vlog.

Outstanding, it takes a lot of courage to show the world what a low is like.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My seven year old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 a month ago. Our learning curve is very steep right now. Yesterday my sister sent me your original entry/explanantion of Six Until Me. WOW. I read *most* of it (the parts I could read without crying) to my daughter for encouragement and I showed her your picture. Today we watched some of your "low" vlog. She told me she feels just like you do sometimes, though she feels like it's all a dream (or nightmare). Thank you, Kerri, for forging ahead, and for being so brave, beautiful and honest.
Tomorrow we'll read about your cats! :)
Michelle

Finally watched this today. Wow. It's such a weird disease. I had a BG of 44 last night while trying to pack for a plane trip today (which always stresses me out anyway). I was suddenly doing all manner of stupid, frustrating tasks... and completely unable to form sentences -- buzzy toungue and all. I, too, was angry... and later cried into my husband's shoulder for putting him through it. But he assured me it wasn't my fault. I realized, it really isn't our fault when this happens. I think I declared, "I hate diabetes!" Always good to declare that every now & then, lest we forget. Ha! Thank you for your honesty and compassion.

Kerri, do you always smile like that when you're pissed?! ;-)

Thank you.

I am amazed at how coherent you APPEARED. It made me cry, because I could feel my own heart pounding as I bet yours was. That weird hollow echo-ey pound that only comes with a low. I think I want my boyfriend to film a low one day so I can see. I won't want to, but I think it's probably important. I can let those who NEED to see me low JIC see me on cue. Did that make sense? Because when I am low, I know what to do to fix it, but sometimes knowing what should be done and being able to DO it are two separate things, and unfortunately I need to rely on those around me to actually GET me the juice or chocolate...

And on a completely unrelated note, Happy Birthday!!!

Thank you for posting this Kerri. I'm forcing as many people as I can to watch it :]
Thanks again.

Wow, I did not know you Vbloged, I should pay atention more.

I agree with you that the part being in the low and not being able to think or speak ad being angry or emotional is not great. But the part I really hate about a low, it the feeling after the low. I feel like a total *sshole and worse because I have had this for along time and I cant control myself and my emotions are pretty irratic and feel bad emotional afterwards. It sometimes is worse than a low.

Anyway, I hope to catch more of your Vblogs.

I wish you well

Robert

Kerri, Thank you for posting this! I'm sure it was hard to put something like this online, but it was very powerful to watch.

I'm a father to a three year old with type 1 diabetes so obviously I don't have any direct knowledge of what a low feels like.

My daughter had one of these low moments this weekend so your post touched a chord in me and I linked to it so that others might see it as well. Thank you!

Thank you for showing this. I think it will help non-diabetics understand what hypo means.
Sometimes when I'm hypo it feels like it's all my own fault (why didn't I eat, why didn't I check before, why did I take that much insulin?) and so I shouldn't ask for help.
We need help when it happens, and shouldn't be ashamed of it.
I bet this can help a lot of people in supporting their diabetic friends.

Thank you for making a video of your low and being brave enough to post it.

One of the 1st things that came to mind was "wow, this should be shown to police departments so they'll stop killing or seriously injuring T1 folks who are low and being misinterpreted as crazy."

I think there is a whole world of people who aren't T1 or family members of a T1 person who could learn from this.

Thanks again for posting.

Kerri,
Thank you! I think I will send this to some of the less-than-supportive teachers that my daughter has who seem to think that she should be just the same at 50, 150, or 350....you just made the invisible ever so much more visible for all of us.

This was eye opening to me. I know several people effected by this horrible disease, but you gave me my first REAL understanding. Bless you and may there be a cure in your lifetime!!

Hi Kerri, just wanted to add to the chorus: Thank you for showing us your low -- everyone's low is unique, but they're all so uniformly awful. With tears in my eyes, your fellow diabetic, Leanne

Best post evah!

Nice work Kerri - glad you captured that - I always feared what I looked like - and am sure I would be shocked how semi-coherent I might have sounded.

You captured the issue - and the feelings we all have - quite well!

Keep up the impressive work you are doing!

drew

Hey Kerri,
Thanks for putting this up. You inspire me to do more advocacy because you are so willing to tell it like it is! If only I had that amount of courage...
Thanks again!
Charlie

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