I am absolutely furious.
Last night (after a very nice dinner with Karen and J), I went to bed at a blood sugar of 101 mg/dl. My Dexcom showed a flat line throughout the night, and I woke up at 89 mg/dl.
So I showered and got ready for work. Dexcom has climbed to 130 mg/dl, but I took .5 u after getting out of the shower (to cover when I was disconnected), so I expected things to be cool. Commuted to work (10 minutes) and settled in at my desk.
But I'm already starting to climb.
Cup of coffee - drained. I decided not to correct the climb because I had already taken that 0.5 u and besides, I didn't want to completely compromise my new basal settings. I needed to give this at least a week or two to see how it really worked.
Started answering emails at work. Checked Twitter. Sent off a few columns.
BEEEEEEEEP! Still climbing.
I tested and saw 189 mg/dl. Fine, I'll correct this now. Laced in a few units to correct and to cover my morning snack, and went back to work, headphones in a music blaring. About an hour went by.
Then I noticed that everything seemed "off." My eyes felt sticky in my head, like every part of my body was dehydrated. My mouth was dry, my skin felt too tight, and I was exhausted. The words were swimming around on the computer screen, and the papers on my desk were a blur of type fonts.
So I tested. And motherfucker (sorry): 364 mg/dl.
If I had not been at work, I would have thrown something. Instead, I ripped the headphones out of my ear and grabbed an insulin pen from my emergency kit at work. I dialed up a correction dose and injected into my stomach. I wanted relief from this high - I felt like absolute garbage.
While my overnights are completely fine and stable, my mornings have turned into a chaotic tumble of terrible numbers. I don't know how to fix this, so I am consulting my logbooks, my battered copy of Smart Pumping, and drafting a "HELP!" email to my endocrinologist. My A1C goal of under 7% will not be achieved while these mornings are mucking up the works.
But besides all that, I'm pissed. These highs feel very frustrating and they aren't little, peaky "180s" but instead whopping "360s." My ability work feels compromised, and I can't chew enough gum to get these sweaters off my teeth fast enough. I'm drinking water by the liter and skin is so dry and so cracked that my hands started bleeding while I was typing. I feel "sick." That makes me mad, because for the most part, I don't feel very sick. I usually feel capable enough to move past whatever is chewing on my nerves.
Today? I want to crawl back into bed and ride out this high under the covers, hiding from the reality of life with diabetes.
Except that Siah is most likely face-planted into the bed. So no hiding for me.
My only option is to relax, try to get some work done, and wait for my blood sugar to come back down. No need to add more stress to an already-stressful moment. But when I get home from work tonight, I need to figure out what needs to be done. This can't go on. Not for even one more day. I have a birthday to celebrate this weekend (mine!), and I'm sure as hell not going to do it at 360 mg/dl. ;)