Normally, I scoff at these quizzes (and then scurry off to find out Which Backstreet Boy is My Soulmate or What Kind of Ballpoint Pen Am I). But the concept of this one intrigued me, as a writer and editor. So I took the stupid quiz and it turns out I am a comma:
"You are open minded and extremely optimistic. You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything. You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests. You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.
Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.
(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)
You excel in: Inspiring people
You get along best with: The Question Mark"
And this is all well and good and fortune cookie-esque, but it made my health writer mind vault right into "What Kind of Diabetes Punctuation Mark Are You?"
Some days, I'm a question mark, constantly wondering. "What caused this high?" "How do I figure out this basal rate?" "What kind of foods can I eat today?" "Am I a bad person because I ate that?" "What the hell is that thing BEEEEEEP!ing for again?" "Where is my meter?" "Is that because I'm low or because I'm me?"
Other days, I'm an exclamation point, frustrated and a bit burnt out. "I am mad!" "I don't want to deal with this stupid disease anymore!" "I want to go to sleep without all these devices!" "This isn't fair!" "I quit!" And also, "Yes, I can eat that!"
Moments where I can't separate myself from my disease become saturated with hyphens. It's all "diabetes-related" and "high-high" and "blood sugar-wise." A doctor-patient relationship. Am I Kerri-with-diabetes or Just-Kerri?
There are days when I am a comma, taking a brief pause before making a decision. "I just treated the low but I still feel low, so I should wait before eating something else." And on particularly confusing days, I can be a semi-colon, taking an even longer moment to make sense of something. "I'm low and I've treated it; however, I exercised, ate something sugary, have active insulin, still feel the low, and have no idea what to do next."
But overall, my diabetes is punctuated by an ellipse. I manage the moments, but it's always a question of the unknown. Yes, this is the "now," but what happens later?
If I eat this, I could ...
If I go to sleep on this blood sugar, I might ...
If I spend the next five years ignoring this, I may ...
If I don't do this, I will ...
If I'm happy and healthy, my life will be ...
Every day is different, and every diabetic is different. And every moment is left with an ellipse, trailing off into the unknown. it can be very easy some days, and completely overwhelming on others. Sometimes I tire of taking the editorial red pen to my diabetes. And other times, I need to remind myself that this isn't something I can ignore.
I think that the most important thing I can do is ... live.