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Not Perfect, Never Claimed To Be.

Diabetes perfection?  Nope.A few weeks ago, when I was gearing up to hear my A1C results, I admitted freely that the wedding stress of eight month ago really left it's mark on my numbers.

And over that weekend, I received several emails from people that said, "Me, too!  I have trouble lowering my A1C too, but every step towards my goal is a step in the right direction!"  I also received emails just wishing me some luck on controlling these numbers.

Then there was the one that asserted "A person in your public-facing position should have better control of their numbers.  You are a role-model and someone that should set an example to these young children.  An A1C of 7.5% is not good enough."

And then there was a comment from Dr. Bernstein:  "An A1c of 7% corresponds to an average BG of 180 mg/dl.  Not a wise target for someone who wants to become pregnant.  A normal A1c is 4.2-4.6 % -- not what the ADA promotes.  Pregnant non-obese non-diabetics usually have blood sugars below 70mg/dl."

I'm not sure what kind of impression people get of me from reading this blog, but if I've made the mistake of fooling you into thinking I know how to perfectly control my diabetes, that unfortunately is not the case. I'm not a role model, not like that.  I don't have perfect diabetes control and on some days, I'm not sure what to do next.  I am trying to fill in for my islet cells, for an organ that went rogue on me, and it's not a science I've perfected.  I'm working hard, every day, to achieve a level of life and health balance.

So to the folks who think I should have an A1C of 5.0% simply because I blog about diabetes ... for those who are reading and clucking your tongue against the roof of your mouth - "Oh, her baby is going to be upset in there if she has an A1c that high when she conceives." - I invite you to stop clucking around.  (Puns.  Cannot resist.  Sorry.)  SUM is a public blog, and I've made the choice to make my diabetes life a public one, but I'm not a doctor.  My A1C is not 5.0%.  I don't have this "all figured out."  (And I sometimes eat E.L. Fudge cookies when I'm frustrated.)  

But blogging has provided me with a support community I couldn't have imagined.  I can't even begin to tell you what kind of an impact you all have had on me, proving time and time again that I am not alone with this disease.  You guys make me feel connected, secure, and confident that every bump along the way can serve to educate me and make me a tougher (E.L. Fudge?) cookie. I appreciate the support, and I appreciate the criticisms because they are more than valid.  But don't expect me to have this thing completely controlled.

I want to be healthy, and I want to enjoy a healthy pregnancy in my future.  I am working to bring my body to a state of optimal health, but I'm not lying to myself, or to my readers, along the way.  Shit.  Gets.  In.  The.  Way.  I can't pretend to be perfect, but I am honest about my shortcomings, and I am trying to do better for myself and for my family

If you want to leave comments about how you think I should be better controlled, I'll agree with you.  If you want to peck at my armor and find the kinks, you won't have to look very hard.  I put all of this out there knowing the risks and the judgments that come with a public-facing blog.  And I appreciate that people care and offer their opinions and perspectives (both good and bad), and provide that community I was craving when I felt alone. 

But my diabetes, shared with the Internet or not, remains mine. 

Remember that before you pick up a stone.  My house isn't the only glass one.

Comments

I am 26 year old Type 1 Diabetic on an insulin pump. I am ALSO the mother of a 5 month old beautiful, HEALTHY, baby boy. My a1c was 5.8 when I got pregnant, and I tried as hard as I could to manage my blood sugar while I was pregnant.

People assume that Diabetes is "easy" since you have an insulin pump that "does all the work for you" (at least that's the comments I get) People really have NO idea what we go through every single day. It's not just taking insulin, it's the up's and down's, the low blood sugar in the middle of the night, the bad pump sites 5 minutes after you change it, the emotional side of knowing there's nothing you can do to make the Diabetes go away... There is so much that goes into being a person with Diabetes... but I have to say, after having doctors tell me that I shouldn't or couldn't have children, I am happy (and a bit full of pride) to know that I beat Diabetes this one time, where I made a baby in this body that failed me in other ways before...

Keep your head up, you to will have a beautiful, healthy baby that will change your life forever, and you will finally know that instead of just being a "girl with Diabetes", you are a mother that fought your Diabetes and created a human being and won...
Having Diabetes is such a hard disease, but I believe that it got me ready to be a mom... now just instead of doing the checklist in my brain before I leave (pump, meter, juice, test strips) I just have to add other things in with it (diapers, wipes, baby, toys)
You have a little cheering squad here in Florida that is hoping that you get everything you want in life, because you deserve it and you work so hard to try and manage Diabetes. Good luck!!

Great post Kerri (and so much more restrained than I would have been in the circumstances!). HbA1c results are important, but so is attitude and it’s your attitude that makes you a great role model. You give people the confidence to know that in the real world trying to do a job manually that your pancreas should be doing for itself whilst also trying to live is hard. And while the textbooks (or medical professionals not well connected to the real world) may berate you for having an average BG that isn’t hovering around hypo, we know that it isn’t quite that simple. And that’s ok. Yes, you should shoot for the moon, but if you miss you still have to celebrate the stars you hit in the meantime. You’re living with diabetes, not studying it in a lab. Keep up the good work. Ali

It's very easy for people to criticise when they're not in your situation. I'd like to see how they would cope. I'm guessing they wouldn't have a perfect A1C.

It's amazing that this type of person has nothing better to do all day than criticise your efforts, when you're clearly trying your hardest.

Honestly, some people.

You're doing great, and soon enough you'll have yourself a perfect little baby :] So don't pay too much attention to these self proclaimed 'experts'.

Wow. You are a better woman than I, my dear, for handling the "Judgy-Judgersons" with such grace. I think you are a fantastic role model!! I look forward to the time I can share your words with my little girl and have her appreciate them as I do. I'm sad to know there are people out there so eager to throw stones. And yet I suppose I was naive in assuming all you ever receive is positive feedback. There are overly critical people out there that just can't help themselves, I suppose. I have to wonder if these people really know what it is like to manage this cursed disease. IT'S NOT EASY PEOPLE!!! I sure hope they have pristine backyards since they are so quick to criticise yours. Otherwise, they should heed this oldie but goodie; You cannot judge another until you have walked in their shoes.

Hugs to you Kerri. Even though you seem to be dealing well with the cricicism, it must hurt a little.

Kerri-you are a role model and a very positive one for that matter. You are a regular person trying to deal with the day to day of Diabetes and all of the feelings, struggles, and learning experiences that come from it all. It helps us relate and has re-inspired me(if that is a word)to take better control of my life with diabetes.And you do this very well since you are a very entertaining writer about a serious matter.

Kerri,

For some reason, there are people who assume that because you choose to put yourself out there and blog that you are inviting them to comment on all aspects of your existence. Ignore them.

I hope that these sorts of comments are rare and few and far between (redundant, much there Jen?).

I love your blog, and the support you provide to many. Keep up the great work, and don't let the turkeys get you down.

You may think that you aren't a role model but I say that you are one. I think the best role models are people who aren't perfect because honestly no one is perfect! However, you are a role model for diabetics because you try your hardest but are also able to admit when you mess up. I have alot easier of a time looking up to you than people who try to be "perfect" because you recognize that it is ok to make mistakes. It is so reassuring to me to see an adult with diabetes not get it right all the time because it shows me that I can live a good, successful life even when my A1C isn't where I want it to be all the time. In the words of Miss Frizzle from the magic schoolbus "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy." Who knows. Someone's mistake may lead to a cure.

I think your 7.5 A1C makes you more of a role model. It makes you more real to the rest of us. I’ve done a lot of web surfing on various diabetes-related web-sites and I just can't relate to someone with a 5.0 A1C telling me how to manage my diabetes. I’m active, I drink occasionally, I eat ice cream, and sometimes I just wing-it but I love my life and, like you, diabetes doesn’t define me. I think you are a (perfect) role model because you human and you admit that you’re trying to figure this out just like the rest of us.

-Kirk

Kerri- It's so disappointing to hear these kinds of criticisms. I think you are an amazing role model, for the simple fact that you don't have everything figured out and you're still willing to share your struggles and triumphs with the rest of us! This disease isn't easy to live with, but it's not a choice. We try and do the best we can everyday, and that's all we can do. You're a wonderful role model because you work so hard to be in the best health possible, and you inspire others to do the same. I, for one, get a sense of comfort from your blog because when I read your blog I realize that there are others like me out there who do everything they can, and still don't have those perfect A1Cs! Keep up the great work, Kerri!

The person berating you for not setting a good example with a 7.5 A1c is astounding to me. Good role-models are not those who maintain perfection of a disease that throws you infinite curve balls.

There is a whole hell of a lot more to this disease than an A1c. I've had decent A1cs before when I *know* I haven't had corresponding good control, because I would swing from high to low a lot. So what all does that number truly mean on its own anyway?

"Setting an example" with diabetes means showing how you deal with mistakes and challenges. Even if you try and be perfect and do everything right, your body will still throw out seemingly random highs and lows from time to time. Telling your experiences with these times is much more valuable and relate-able than hearing someone say how their blood sugar is so perfect everyday. All that leads to is guilt, and often in children, lying and shame.

I love your blog, Kerri. Your posts are inspiring, funny, and make me feel not as alone. I only wish I found it sooner. ;)

Kerri,
It's quite unfortunate that bitter, hateful people feel the need to spend their lives criticising others, whilst those whom they are criticising are living happy (albeit hectic!), abundant lives full of laughter and love. Don't be upset with people who point out such ridiculous flaws (if you can even call them that), but pity them.

It should be clear how those who truly matter feel towards you. Not only do you have all of the loving support in the world (both real-world and e-world), but also do you have some of the best motivation: your health; your baby's health; and the opportunity not only to conceive and carry a happy, healthy baby to term, but also to watch her or him grow up, learn, laugh, love, and live--really live--as you do the same.

What more could you want?

Those that expect A1Cs in the 5% range remind me of those "hyper-milers." If you're not familiar with them, they are people that are obsessed with getting 90 miles per gallon from their Ford Minivans. To a surprising degree, they are successful at it, but their methodologies raise new questions. Yes, I could get 80 mpg from my Dodge Ram 1500, but do I want to drive 15 mph on the highway and coast down every hill? Do I want the air conditioning off and the windows up on my way to work in the middle of a humid, Texas Hill Country summer?

I could probably achieve a 5% A1C, we all could if we tried, but our lives are dominated by diabetes enough. I think I'll take my 7.2 A1C and enjoy the ride along the way, air-conditioning and all.

{{{HUGS}}} You have a fan base in this home!! You aren't perfect, but that's what I like about your writing...because none of us are perfect. As much as I can have respect for Dr. Bernstein's approach and those that follow it, I don't believe it is for everyone...I think if I were sitting across a table from him I'd have to say..."Get real, dude!!" Criticism stinks, but it makes us better people...solidifies our own beliefs!! Keep on living life to YOUR healthiest, fullest abilities and don't stop WRITING!:)

Your blog is a great inspiration to a lot more people than these (hopelfully few) negatives that you get. Keep up with the good work. As always...
God bless,
Lee

I don't cuss, in print or in person, but those type of comments make me want to say (insert cuss of your choice).

Who do they think they are?

P.S. I don't eat E.L. Fudge when I am stressed, but I DO eat Soft Batch chocolate chip cookies

Kerri, you are a tremendous writer. You are far better than I would be in controlling the frustration you must have felt when those replies came rolling in.

It's so wonderful to know that there ARE perfect people out there, isn't it?? (Note complete sarcasm here.) Lucky for them, there are "normals" like us, who work our butts off every day, and who strive for as close to perfection as we can. And along the way, we get to share the road...bumps, turns and all, with you. You are an inspiration to everyone who reads your blog and for those who troll around looking for ways to put others down...I say "cluck you."

Keep on keepin' on, Kerri. YOUR doctors know what is best for you and your diabetes is no one else's but your own. You will have gorgeous, healthy babies because you WANT to and you TRY.

I think one of the best things that has happened to me in my diabetes life is finding your blog. I don't have friends with diabetes, I have no one to relate to on a day where your blood sugar refuses to go up, or a day where your blood sugar refuses to go down. So reading your blog makes me feel better that I'm not "perfect" all the time, but I put in a lot of effort to try.

Also if you had a perfect A1C all the time I would not want to read your blog because I would not be able to relate to what you wrote. Diabetes is not all cut and dry your blood sugar can be affected by so many things like stress, hormones, and I know mine can change if the weather changes dramatically. I am more likely to be low when the weather drops and becomes cold. So for someone to say you should be perfect all the time is beyond me because the disease is not perfect and text book all the time.

Also I completely relate to Erin's post when she said “you have the pump and it does all the work for you". I want to take my pump off and throw it at them, but I know they just don't understand so I try to explain that yes my pump does help me a lot and does some of the math for me, it is not like having a working pancreas!

Kerri, none of us are perfect. I've read Dr. Bernstein's book. I can't do it. I guess I could if I wanted to try that hard. But, like others mentioned, diabetes controls my life so much as it is that I don't want to have to give up all my foods too.
Wrong or right isn't the issue. We bloggers are just sharing our lives. Not asking for judgement. Shame on Dr. Bernstein, & the other person who commented, for trying to make you feel guilty for not being perfect.

Kerri, one of the aspects of your blog that I love best is the lack of perfection. It makes me feel better about MY lack of perfection when I realize that there are other people out there who are informed, care, and are trying to control numbers, but still do not see perfect results. It's important to have a balance between enjoying your life and taking care of yourself. It sounds to me that you're doing both very well :)

Kerri,
As a mother of a type 1 and a nurse practitioner I applaud your restraint and hope your armor is not too beat up over this. I turn to this blog for the support and to know there are others out there who struggle daily like my daughter does. You will have a beautiful healthy baby, this i know. Keep up the great work on this site...you are more of an inspiration than you know.

I don't understand people who rudely criticize others like that. You're a wonderful role model, Kerri. You work hard on you're Diabetes and you're out there LIVING life.

Thanks for this post, Kerri. The honest posts about things not being easy and perfect mean so much more to me. That's why it was Scott J's blog that got me started reading anything diabetic-related on the web. I just don't relate when I see people talking about their A1C's under 5.5% all the time. For the diabetics who find it easy - be thankful.

I am 7 months pregnant, and my A1c's have been 5.7-6.3. These are not the 5.0's and under other pregnant diabetics write about, but they are the best A1c's of my life.

I look around at the pregnant people with the A1c's under 5.0 and the comments from Bernstein,
and they are just plain overwhelming and frustrating.

I am hard enough on myself as it is, and of I know I can do better, but still. Above all, I am grateful that my endo is telling me that I'm doing fine with my pregnancy at these levels, because otherwise I would be a completely depressed wreck.

I like reading your blog because you tell the human side of living with diabetes. I have not yet met the perfect diabetic. The reason why is because there aren't any! We all have our struggles and disappointments in dealing with this and for me it is the little victories that keep me going. Kerri, keep doing what you are doing, I think that everyone that reads this blog knows you are trying really hard.

I think any diabetic that has a A1c of 4.2- 4.6 would have to be borderline insane. Or at the very least be OCD. They can't be having any fun in life.

That comment by Dr. Bernstein enforces why I'm not that crazy about doctors. I can't stand a doctor that comes across as an arrogant a*****e.

That's the beauty of having a blog. That you go through the same problems and face the same issues with diet and numbers as the rest of us. If you were perfect, you'd have nothing to blog about. I think the person who commented about setting a better example missed the point entirely. The example isn't that you have an A1C higher than you'd like, it's that you acknowledge that it's high and are taking steps to improve it. That you have a goal and are working toward it, even if it might be two steps forward and one step back.

And also, nobody ever said you had to be a role-model. But that's an argument for another day.

Love,

A new reader who appreciates the ups and downs and all the stuff in between.

I think it is pretty clear from the above responses that you inspire so many of us. Never forget that.

No one wants to have a high A1c, and no one wants complications. Life is messy, and diabetes is hard, but I think you do it with an elegance and grace that speaks to us. More importantly, you share your struggles that so many of us with diabetes have, and help those who don't try to understand. Just by doing this, you lighten the load on all of us, because now we know we are not alone. For that, I thank you.

I would like to meet a person who has Diabetes and is the epidimy of perfection. It just doesn't happen. That not only makes us Diabetics, it makes up people. I am OK with not having a perfect A!c because I am also happy to be able to live my life. Granted , there are sacrifices but I am not willing to be a slave to Diabetes so I can have a 5.0 A1C. If I did that, I wouldn't really be living.

We all love you the way you are. keep doing what you are doing

Kerri! Being a Type I diabetic myself, I think you do an AMAZING job at handling this chronic illness--and not just the physical part, but the emotional part of it, too. I rarely come across diabetics who are under control 100 percent of the time (or even 75 percent of the time) and what has helped me the most is reading about other diabetics taking care of themselves the best they can and admitting that life sometimes (often!) gets in the way of that care. I can't tell you how much comfort I have gotten from your blog, how in my most frustrating of moments you remind me that I'm not the only one dealing with this, that I'm not the only one who has the ups and downs that come with this. So THANK YOU for your honesty and for always sharing the good and bad and real in the life of a diabetic. And keep up the GREAT work in your diabetes care.

The rude commenters must have "easily" controlled Diabetes such as myself. I have been very fortunate since diagnosis 3yrs ago to be one that doesn't have to put in too much effort to maintain a "lower" a1c. I dont have highs over 200 often at all, I dont go high from illness, stress or because the moon is full.

**I** am the odd one out! (knocking on wood) Diabetes is a constant changing disease! We all support you and completely understand the ups and downs of the disease, I doubt the rude commenters do! REALLY!

Being a mother of a Type 1 child as well, I know that Diabetes is more of the roller coaster ride for most people with Diabetes. I know all the factors that cause BS to go astray. Diabetes may be "easy" for some, but having both sides of the story in my home I also know never to judge ones numbers by effort.

((HUGS))

Comments like those really get me fired up. The reason I started writing about diabetes and enjoy your blog is because it's about REAL-LIVING with diabetes. Sure you could act and pretend that your A1c is in the 5's or 6's, but that's being fake.

I don't tolerate A1c snobs - you know who you are. There will always be those who criticize and are just simply bitter at life. As you can see from the 95% of the comments here, you aren't alone and almost everyone supports you.

Please don't change a thing and keep up the great work!

I find that comment from Dr. Bernstein to be very unprofessional and arrogant in the extreme. I would think a diabetes professional would understand, better than most, the difficulties of managing this disease.

I'm absolutely seething over here, if that helps at all.

I think that you are a great role model. You and Nicole are the two I think of first when I'm having issues with my daughter's diabetes, when I'm freaking out about some future, possible, probably-not-going-to-happen-anyway-so-stop-it-already problem that dogs me late at night. I wish that all your naysayers could SEE that, see how much of yourself you put out there, warts and all, and how honest you are about your faults and problems in handling this disease. No one can compete with perfection - it's discouraging to even try. But you aren't perfect, you're just a human woman, doing the very best she can. I don't know how anyone could expect any more from you.

I'm sorry this comment has become a book, but really, sanctimonious, judgmental people just piss me right off.

Kerri,
I've already expressed (privately) how you and other members of the diabetes online community have benefited me. Obviously saying 'don't let them get you down' isn't necessary for someone of your strength. And I don't have a more mature way of saying "F the haters." So I'll just agree with the rest of the comments in that you are an excellent role model and we support you 150%.

PS. F the Haters.

I seem to feel the same way everyone does - you are a role model for blogging, and blogging HONESTLY. Perfection for me wouldn't be a 5.0% A1C. Perfection would be not having diabetes! I wouldn't relate to your blog if not for the diabetes trials and tribulations that we all face. Keep up the hard work!

You've handled yourself very well considering the insensitive nature of the feedback you've gotten. It made my blood boil to read what people wrote to you. I have nothing to share but unlady-like comments that aren't really appropriate here. Some day you and I should sit down over some wine or beer or you can get coffee and I'll get my diet soda fix and I'll share what I really think. Until then, some people need to cluck off.

You are a role model because you are not perfect. You are real and allow us to see that. You make me feel like I am not a peice of shit because I have a bad A1C. I see that we all struggle, even the Diabetes super star Kerri!

You make me feel less alone and stop me from beating myself up for mistakes. We all make them, you just have the strength to share it all with us and for that I am so grateful.

PS, any baby will be ultra blessed to have you as a mom. That is something I am sure about.

::teary::

You guys lift me up. I couldn't be more thankful for everything.

Thank you.

(Now I have to go wipe my eyes. Darn ... leaky eyes!)

You have got to be kidding me. I like to know if any of those people who criticized you is a T1, and if their A1Cs have always been what they'd like them to be. I'm willing to bet the answer is NO. And even if the answer was yes, they have no right to criticize you - or anyone, for that matter. If they don't have something supportive and positive to say, they should keep their comments to themselves. It's hard enough to deal with this disease every day, without having people tear you down over it.

Did I ever tell you how I found your blog? Way back when the idea of a pump freaked me out and I wondered if I could wear one without everyone seeing it, I search the web for ways to hide a pump. I found your blog and read it (a post about hiding a pump in an Ann Taylor dress, I think). It was the first step towards getting over my fear of pumping. Thank you for that - and for everything else you share with us. Good and bad.

What more can I say that hasn't already been said?

We are in this imperfect war, fighting unbalanced battles, sometimes barely winning the fights, and almost always taking a blow to give a blow. It is not easy, and we all get that.

Sometimes the internet allows people to be a little more harsh than they might normally be. Doesn't make it Ok though.

I have to agree with Julia (?) who mentioned that this seems rather unprofessional of Dr. Bernstein.

You tell it like it really is, the struggles between high and low, and has helped me understand G so much more (and understand that I can't always be perfect, either). I don't know where I'd be without your insight - it came at just the right time four years ago.

what else can be said except to echo everyone else
#1 f the haters
#2 you are a role model

and to add that my kids call E.L. Fudge el Fudge - like they're some sort of zorro cookie. So maybe call them 'el Fudge' and it will make you giggle and make you forget about the jerks.

Yep. F the haters.

In addition - you rock. Flaws and all. You open yourself up to the world and you communicate clearly and honestly. Not many people do that. Not many people with perfectly healthy internal organs do that. Almost everything I've learned about type 1 I've learned either from you or because you sparked my interest in something and I did some research.

I'm sort of an advocate now. I see the JDRF ads on TV and I tell my friends that I have a friend with type 1 and it's no picnic. We could have a cure if we pull together and get the word out, stop the misconceptions that obese people who eat McDonald's every day get diabetes and that's the whole story. So, while your A1c might not be perfect, your attitude is. For that, I applaud you. Role model or not. I think you're pretty rad.

Please don't let these people get to you. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. As much as I had wanted to have my A1C to 6.5 before we got pregnant...it was 7.8. I do my best to test often, eat healthy etc. But I'm human...I love tootsie rolls and smarties. I also have been able to get my a1c down to 6.1 by some miracle. But my husbands grandma had 2 healthy babies with type 1 40 years ago(not sure how), his aunt had 2 healthy babies 24 years ago...and I'm sure her A1c was not even close to 6.5, and my own sister has two healthy children and I know that she did not have an ideal A1C. You are human, you will never be perfect, but all you can do is try your best. I'm sure that when you get pregnant you will have a very healthy baby. And I love reading your blog. Many of your thoughts are things I thought I was the only one who thought that way :) Good Luck!!

Wow.
Kerri.
I have never scrolled for such a Long time just to get to where I can enter my comment!
Wow.

There is So much Love out there and a lot of it is For you Because of You.

I believe the Best role models are the Honest ones.
And honesty in it's truest form, most human form points out the faults.

No One Person is perfect. No One Human.
It is impossible.

And controlling T1 is manageable but impossible to Maintain the "standards" that are overall the best.

Each Person is different. Their bodies react differently to foods, stresses, illness (ya know, real people sick -- colds and such) etc etc.

No One can achieve that balance our bodies were made to create when you are using science and technology Manually.

Ignore the haters. Take in stride those that expect things when from the beginning you put yourself out there, said how it was, how it is, how it may or may not continue to be.

If anything....
You are human.
And that is beautiful.
You embrace that, add your wit, candor, fears, faults, triumphs.

Are those giving you a hard time perfect? Maybe in their mind.

Are they putting themselves out there for the world to read about, form an opinion and allow for reaction, criticism?

Doubt it.

Keep on keeping on Kerri.
Do what is right for You and Your body, you and Chris, you and your future children. For You.

Much Love, Always.

I had to come back to check on the comments and WOW!

This is what the diabetes community is about. Not some arrogant doctor who doesn't have a life other than promoting some ridiculous plan that doesn't allow us to actually have a LIFE!

How many of us have read each other's blogs and laughed as we thought "hey - that's me"! That's what this is about. Not perfection, just living life and figuring things out along the way.

And having met you and Chris I can tell you that is going to be one darn lucky kid!

Kerri:
You seem to have struck a nerve with this one, and I can see why. Technically the Dr. is right if you want to speak in generalities, but it doesn't always hold true for each individual case. Can you imagine the lows you'd have if you were targeting an A1C of 4.6? The thought is scary. And people need to get over this ideal of the superhero role models. Every person alive is full of human fallicy. That you are working hard at controlling your health is an inspiration. If you were perfect at it would make you an frustrating and unattainable. Continue to work hard at controlling your blood surgar and other health issues and you will have a healthy pregnancy and a beautiful baby. Keep your eye on the goal, you will do fine.

P.P.S. Nice of him to just use his initials and not actually a name with his comment!

Hey!

I really appreciate your honesty in this post.

I am also a D-blogger (as you know), and my a1c is currently in the 7's range. I'm so frustrated. I work my butt off and still my diabetes is so difficult to control. It's very frustrating!!!

I took some of the pressure off myself by choosing adoption. Honestly, I just know my diabetes isn't in good enough control to have a baby. I was ready to be a mom, but my body wasn't.

Not saying it's the best choice for anyone, but I have been blessed with my baby girl through adoption and continue to work every day on my disease.

I'm 27 years old and have two healthy kids. My A1c stayed between 5.1-7.1 before and during pregnancy. Not perfect and wasn't easy since it was before the wonderful world of CGMS. But I did my best. That's all we can do, the rest is out of our hands. You're great Kerri!!

Mean people suck. The OC rocks. And you, my friend, rule :)

I'm so sorry that somebody made you feel like you needed to justify yourself. I read your blog because I feel you are very well educated (both from the been there, done that point of view, and through your work) and when I read that you have had a rough week, or a tough A1C - I feel for you, but it a strange (semi-sadistic) way, it makes me feel better about the days that no matter what I can't get my sons numbers to come down, or the scary 8.5 A1C that we had a few months ago. Shit happens - it's great to be able to share the trials, but also cheer for the triumphs. Good luck to you Kerri!

Michelle - I am laughing SO HARD at "El Fudge" ... it reminds me of The Three Amigos, with El Guapo.

El Fudge. That may have just about made my day...

I don't understand those types of posters either.. a real friend is not going to take pleasure in berating you for a sub-par a1c-this community is supposed to be about support, after all..
It helps me(and others) that you aren't perfect,that you don't live in some impenetrable bubble. You can do it.

I am not diabetic. I can only write from a perspective of someone who hears about your childhood, all you had to deal with, and suffer through, and who prays for you every day. For your health, for the way you inspire others, for your happiness, and everything you do to encourage all these people you've never even met. You don't have to be perfect, you just need to be Kerri. You're so good at that Sweetie! I love you!

I've never understand the negative feedback that we receive, and I haven't developed a thick enough skin for it quite yet. It still hurts, no matter whether we know we're not perfect or not.

No one is perfect, and I'd like to see some of these people's A1c's and management when they leave their comments. Do they know what it's like to manage type 1 while being a young, active adult? Stress, hormones, all that is out of our control. That means diabetes gets out of control too.

Keep up the amazing work you do! Imperfections and all! You keep the rest of us sane that are struggling with A1c's of 7.6% and averages of 165.

Hey hey hey. What is this about you not being a good role model or the perfect PWD??

You're the best! You make this parent hopeful for her son's future when she saw a dark one for him at the beginning of his diagnosis.

If anything, you're the wind beneath my wings (LOL).

Don't let negative people get you down...EVER!! You're doing a great job at living the best life you can under the enormous circumstances you live with 24/7.

I was upset to read about the negative, disheartening comments you received. In no way do you deserve them. I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes two and a half years ago. I've been reading your blog for over a year now, and it has become such an important part of the way I handle my own ups and downs of living with diabetes.
Your acknowledgment of the good with the bad is what makes your blog so inspirational and so helpful. Knowing that others are facing the challenges that I face every day makes them easier to face, and problems less daunting to tackle.
I realize I'm echoing many of today's previous comments, but I wanted to add my thanks and appreciation for all that you do.
I'm rooting for you to get your A1c in the place that's right for you.

OMG...those comments are so infuriating!

I LOVED what Nick wrote above...so great! & so true! Dr.B's book has some excellent information but this is his entire LIFE, his work, his personal life living with it...24/7...most of us do not have that with working different types of jobs, taking care of our children, AND balancing our diabetes with rising health costs and time restrictions...out of the millions of diabetics the percentage of them that have A1c's under 5% is so small and very unrealistic in the whole realm of things...

Kerri...I found your blog & myspace when I was scared and thought I was alone...you are an amazing honest woman & an excellent example...diabetes does NOT define YOU...someday when the time is right you will carry a child and I know you will do everything in your power to control things but living with diabetes is not 100% precise and controllable...You are going to be an awesome mama!

Through both pregnancies I had my A1c between 6.2-6.8 and both kids were normal weight and healthy and I had them back to back (13 months apart, which was NUTS! but worth it)...I work so very hard with eating, exercise etc just to stay in that range...I also in all my years of being diabetic experienced the majority of my worst lows through both pregnancies...with hormonal changes, stress, a GROWING BABY inside you...these are things you can't control and I remember I would come home crying a lot from appointments with all this super PRESSURE to be "perfect" and "normal"...I won't lie it was not the easiest and when I reflect back on it now it is hard now to control my emotions thinking about the work and effort I put into it and seeing the outcome of 2 beautiful babies...I remember I would swim laps sometimes twice daily at the pool...one day I took a notepad and pen down to the pool with me and I wrote this long letter to my unborn daughter pouring out my heart about the "what if's" and why I was working so hard to fight the big "D".....ohhhhh, my damn allergies are starting (not crying,nope)
------------
The ADA says...2009
For women with preexisting type 1 or type 2 diabetes who become pregnant, a recent consensus statement (62) recommended the following as optimal glycemic goals, if they can be achieved without excessive hypoglycemia:
premeal, bedtime, and overnight glucose 60–99 mg/dl
peak postprandial glucose 100–129 mg/dl
A1C -------
NOTE! IF they can be achieved without excessive hypoglycemia! and those are "optimal" goals, probably not "normal" ;P

One piece of advice if and when preggos.....don't stress as much as I did and ENJOY every moment because it
goes by so quickly and then the babies grow too fast!!

U rule and Girlz ROCK!

you go girl!!! Nay sayers should walk a mile before they pretend to have all the answers. I'm so glad that you have the courage to share your success and failures with the rest of us. It makes me feel just a little more normal to know other people have trouble managing this disease too. Thanks so much for your courage, it inspires me.

Holy frijoles, el Fudge needs to pay a visit to some nay-saying commenters and give them a whack with a carbolicious Fudge Steeeeek!!

Kerri, you are awesome and amazing and a total inspiration. Diabetes doesn't rule your life, and it shouldn't. I think it's really easy for people to make assumptions about everyone else based on their own experiences, even if it's completely....can't think of a good word to put in here that my mother wouldn't wash my mouth out for. You know what they say about people that assume. ;)

The truest statement I have ever heard about diabetes came from Bennet - YOUR DIABETES MAY VARY. Not living with it in my own skin, but watching it in my daughter and her friends, proves that to me every single minute of every day. Those who don't realize that diabetes is an intensely personal disease and expect for everyone to follow the same course are....once again, no mom-approved terms come to mind.

I wonder if Dr. Bernstein's patients benefit from free advice, or have to pay for it? Sorry, had to get one snark in there.

Keep on doing what you do, Kerri, and thank you again for letting us all have a glimpse into it. Big hugs from a grateful mom!!


Kerri, my son was 18 when he was diagnosed with type 1. He's 21 now. This blog entry brought me to tears because I just really value how you put yourself out there and your life with type 1 diabetes. I think you're an awesome role model for my son because you're real. It's obvious you care about maintaining your health and well-being. There is no such thing as perfection, and I'd be scared to see behind the closed doors of the family that thinks they are perfect. I love you for your authenticity Kerri. As a community may we continue to support each other and encourage because that's how we all become better!

I wouldn't take too much pregnancy advice from Dr. Bernstein. His diet basically forces people to have ketones constantly, and he recommends this even for pregnant people. It totally ignores the fact that ketones are tetragenic.

If you didn't let that e-mailer have it, you're a much better person than I. Diabetes control is an art, not a science. I can't believe some people think it's easy.

I don't have Diabetes, but I do blog about my own chronic illnesses (Chronic Migraine, Chronic Daily Headache and IBS). I also read quite a number of blogs from other chronic illness patients.

You know what all of us have in common? We're not perfect and none of us have perfect control over our respective diseases. It's just not possible, and trying to achieve that perfection I think does us more harm than good.

It's obvious (or should be!) to any of your readers that you genuinely care about taking care of your health as much as possible, and sharing your experiences with the rest of the chronic illness community. I think a lot of us can fall into the trap of holding ourselves to impossible standards, especially when we're blogging publicly for others. So I applaud you for being so honest with your readers to admit you make mistakes and that your control isn't perfect. It's good to know there's an actual human sitting on the other side of your blog.

Keep up the great work, Kerri, and I'll keep reading.

Be well,
MJ

Kerri, last year when I first found you blog and had yet to read any of it I thought to myself "great another perfect diabeticto read about" I'll be honest, I had little hope. By the time I had read a good chunk of your blogs I saw just how wrong I was, you are human, a real diabetic just like me, struggling with the same issues. THAT is what diabetics need, we need support and advice from imperfect diabetics like ourselves. If I wanted to read about somebody with a 5.2 A1c who never made mistakes i'd be in a library reading textbooks, but I don't. You may disagree but by being imperfect while still pushing through and not giving up YOU are a role model. At least to me. Thank you for that.

All your other commenters were very eloquent.

I am just trying to keep from swearing.

You rock. Stupid people suck.

Kerri, you are a role model, in the best possible way. You put your real life out here for us to read about. You inspire me to do better myself and you inspire me to forgive myself when I fall short, but not to give up. I am lucky to have an endo who gets real life so I have this balance in his office, too, but I find it really helpful to track your (constant) journey through a diabetic life.
That's an awfully long way around what I want to say which is:

THANK YOU!

Kerri-
I just want you to know that a healthy pregnancy with diabetes is in your reach. I did it- it was a lot of work, yes- but you are a smart, strong, and capable woman that will be able to have a healthy pregnancy. People told me throughout my pregnancy that I'd have to be induced, or have to get a c-section just because I have diabetes. But I proved them wrong when I went to full term and delivered our daughter naturally just as I wanted. I'm telling you this because I know what it's like. Pregnancy is no joke, it's a lot of work. Especially when you have diabetes. You'll get there when you're ready. Don't worry about what everyone else says.

bless you for not being perfect.ive had "d" for 35+ yrs and the only constant is the un-constant of being "d".you are human first

Kerri, Now don't hold back! You neverhave and that is why I, as pumping IDDM, have the respect for you!!
You just keep bloggin' and we'll keep readin'!! I'll keep laughing with you, and sometimes in your frustration I may even laugh AT you!
You've blessed my journey more than you can ever know...

From the number of comments on here, I'd say you are one loved girl :) My dad has Wegener's granulomatosis, an autoimmune disease that caused kidney failure seven years ago. He and my mom work constantly to keep his numbers in check, but it's not a perfect science. They have to keep tweaking it, and sometimes his lab results aren't good, even after seven years of figuring out how different foods affect his blood counts. The body can be a bit of a crazy place once an organ has gone awry. I've been so impressed by your focus and determination in facing diabetes head on, but also by your spirit and attitude towards life. Diabetes is always a part of your life, but you've kept it from being the whole focus.
One of my girlfriends is a Type 1 who has two healthy children. I look forward to reading about your pregnancy adventures, and about the healthy child that I know you will one day have. You rock!

Oh Kerri: I am so upset you got those comments!

1) I gave birth to three beautiful and healthy children who are now teenaged pains in the booties.
2) I was on insulin when I was pregnant.
3) My a1c was close to 7 at that time, and stress still kills it, whether or not I am pregnant (which would be a miracle at this point in my life).

My endo told me not to have any more children. But I did it - and as natural as I could - one without an epidural.

Sure, I jump for joy when my a1c comes down, but it can easily go back just as easily as it went down - and it has.

You are a role model to us all - because you are realistic, honest, and a woman who comes to grips with a disease that we aren't always in control of - no matter who we are or what we do.

I went through a period in my life where I said, "The heck with it - if I'm gonna die, at least I'll do it with chocolate in my blood!"

I've tried to live the purist life - it's not life for me - it's prison.

You inspire me to do better, because you are constantly trying to do better, even if we take our meds with soda or coffee. :)

I read your blog because you're human - because I can identify with you. If so many people can, gee, I guess the whole world then has got it wrong, according to those experts on diabetes.

There's a lot worse person you could be. You could be living in jail allowing your disease to imprison you.

Do not live your life trying to please others - you are the best Kerri you can be - and all you have to do is please yourself.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

I read your blog everyday and make my husband read it too because you eloquently describe how I feel so often. I was only diagnosed two and a half years ago with Type 1 and I'm struggling to get my A1C below 8. I haven't read Dr. Bernstein's book but now I definitely WON'T be reading it. I'm blessed to have a very realistic endo. who also has Type 1 and between him and your blog I am able to keep my sanity when my OCD personality struggles with not having "perfect" blood sugars. Please know that you are in good company and the judgemental statements of the few critics are a tiny whisper compared to the shouts of "Go Kerri!" from your supporters.

Wow!! Judging by the huge number of comments you've received on this post (I get it late in the evening...California!), I can tell nearly everyone thinks of you very differently than that (1) comment of your higher-than-you-would-like Alc. Kerri, you keep doing what you're doing! You, my dear, are doing wonderfully! You are real and honest and sooo many of us appreciate that! My type 1 daughter is now 6. I look forward to your blog each evening...sometimes for education...sometimes for encouragement...but sometimes just to know someone else thinks this diabetes thing stinks too.

Wow, I just had to eat some ice cream as an antidote to that unsolicited asshattery.

Life is not just about being a person with diabetes. It's also about being a person. And I really hate the people who don't acknowledge the randomness of this disease. My A1Cs have sucked for enough of my life that I should have complications. I know people who have been much "better" and do. There are women who have perfect A1Cs and horrible pregnancies - and vice versa. The one thing you can be sure of with this disease is that it's not an exact science.

So Dr. Bernstein can take my (now empty) pint of ice cream and shove it somewhere where the sun don't shine.

I think if you were perfect, there'd be no point in blogging. I've been reading your blog for about a month now, and I find your honesty really encouraging. As a T2 who is on meds only at this point, who is working (more than) full-time and going to grad school, I find it really difficult to keep my numbers low in this season of my life. Reading about others who are challenged in their diabetic life helps me know that I'm not alone in this struggle.

I love the comment about the A1C snobs from Tony! I am the mother of a T1D and I recently had a conversation with an A1C snob the day before my daughter's 3 month endo check-up. Her A1C was 8% which is right around where her doctor says she should be at her young age. I was feeling rather inadequate after talking to the other Mom whose son had a much lower number. The doctor assured me that a life of balance is much better than a rigid, obsessive life. Diabetes is just one aspect of her health. Mental health, happiness and her physical growth (which are all thriving)are also extremely important. I am so lucky to have such a great clinic to help me keep things in perspective and to cheer me on and pat me on the back for all the WORK that we do while "managing" (?) this stinking disease! I read your posts to get some validation and to keep me from going bonkers! I receive that daily from you! Please, please, please keep posting for all your loyal readers. You are really providing something most people don't get from their clinics....a dose of reality!

Kerri: Everyday I read your tweets and your blog as a way of dealing with this Diease. As a type 2, I too have many of the same frustrations as you. As you write, I relate to your victories and your challenges. It is wonderful you have put your diease out there for everyone to read.

I know many will comment on your challenges. It is easy to pick on. My only advise is to stay the course. Keep doing the postivie things you do ... everything else will work in time.
Tom

Gee, Kerri. If you ever doubted just how much of a positive impression you have made, I'd say those doubts have been blow all to hell now, huh? Talk about validation! We all love you, Kerri!

Wow, Kerri. Just wow. I know that you are strong enough and have a great enough support system to be able to know in your heart that those negative comments/emails are ridiculous. But just in case you need it here are a few extra {{{hugs}}} from me and a few words: only someone with T1 diabetes can really understand where you are coming from and even then everyone is different. Who are we to judge each other? We are all doing our best here.

Please don't let these insensitive, cranky-pants jerks get to you. Well, what do I know? They definitely got to me and they weren't even talking to me! It's just that as a fellow T1 diabetic I can't believe the audacity some people have to criticize. I'd love it if they could walk around in our shoes (bodies?) for a day. Everyone's different and in case anyone hasn't noticed, this disease blows. Do we really need it to be that much harder with someone buzzing in our ears about how we really aren't trying hard enough and we could all do better if we would just behave. Everyone has a bad day and in Dblogville it's comforting to know that no one is immune to that. Keep on keepin' on girlfriend. No criticism here.

~Layne

PS: Okay, well one criticism. You need to take my girl Sara's comment to heart because Soft Batch are the way to go! E.L. Fudge ain't got nuthin' on some Soft Batch any day of the week. So what if they are 10 grams of carbs per cookie. If you are gonna do it, do it right! ;-)

Awesome post, Kerri! You are so brave to make your life so public. My 3 year old son has type 1 and it is inspiring to me to see how "normal" your life is and I just want to thank you!

OMG - Layne! I thought I was the only diabetic with a weakness for Soft Batch!

And they are technically 11 carbs :(

I am out of control - this is my 4th comment on this post!

When my daughter was diagnosed (at age two) I was afraid, sad, angry, etc. Everyone around me said "It will be okay". How do they know?? They couldn't possibly feel what I was feeling. They couldn't possibly understand my worry - my fear.
They didn't get to see my daughter's eyes. The look of fear inside and too little to understand what was going on.
I was lost and came across your website. You gave me hope for my daughter.

She will live life to the fullest. She will continue to laugh and be silly. She will have love. She will learn from her mistakes. She will know it's okay not to be perfect. She will have a family (like yours) who will stand by her. She will not let this disease define her. She will not let those "tongue cluckers" get her down!!!
Thank you Kerri for being you!! I look forward to reading your blog.

I am *very* glad you write about your diabetes the way you do and you're very much a role model. I was pleased as punch to get my A1C down from a 7.1 to a 6.6 recently and I dare anyone who wants to cluck about numbers to walk a mile in our shoes.

Go team!

Kerri, I loved this post.

Okay, I'll be totally honest, sometimes I am surprised when you mention your A1c results because I assume you're in tight control because you are so knowledgable about diabetes. I just think of you as someone healthy and then assume that correlates into a certain range of A1c.

Your post highlights how random and difficult to manage diabetes is. Even when you're knowledgable, it doesn't mean that diabetes does what you'd expect!

Also, I think it's imporatant for all of us to remember how individual each of our experiences is. I relate to you so much, but then again our diabetes lives are different. From when we were diagnosed to how we feel our lows, we can relate, yet have unique aspects to our experiences.

All that being said, you are a role model is so many ways. Mostly, you're an inspritation because you're candid about the struggle we all share.

There's no doubt you're going to have healthy, beautiful children. You're A1c is just part of the picture. Plus, I know you'll find pregnancy to be the best motivator out there (it is, seriously).

Thank you for being a wonderful voice for our community. I love your blog and am so excited to hear all about future pregnancies! :)

How could you?

Upon hearing your latest A1c results, Charlie went on a tirade - kicking his Diabetic Kerri lunchbox across the room and throwing out each and every one of his Diabetic Kerri action figures.

Shame on you! He believed in you!

Kerri, you are my hero. You share with us the ups and downs. Casey just turned 13, has had t1 since 7. After years of A1C ups and downs..adolescence is hell on the A1C..it's not because he's imperfect, it's because he's human. You are doing a good thing here, I look forward to SUM every day. You know, if I saw you on the street, I'd run up and give you a hug..so watch out! Keep on fighting the good fight..and don't let the b****rds wear you down(I used to be able to say that in Latin)

My husband always says that if he was a diabetic that he wouldn't have all the highs and lows that I have. I love how people think they know but until they walk a day in your shoes they have no idea. Just keep trying to be the best diabetic you can be and don't listen to what others (excluding your drs.) tell you.

How could you?

Upon hearing your latest A1c results, Charlie went on a tirade - kicking his Diabetic Kerri lunchbox across the room and throwing out each and every one of his Diabetic Kerri action figures.

Shame on you! He believed in you!

Kerri -- I bet I speak for quite a few who envy your A1C, and appreciate how hard you work to achieve it. I'm the acting pancreas for my 3-year old, and the best I've been able to achieve is an A1C of 8.2 I'll throw a party when we get her into the 7s (and now that she is on a pump I think we can get there.) So, I can't tell you how much your honesty means to me: the fact that you've been at this a lot longer and are still struggling daily makes me feel like less of an idiot; the fact that you find a way, every day, to deal with the drudgery helps me build my determination; the fact that you live a very full and lovely life (with a beautiful wedding) keeps things in perspective for me and gives me hope that diabetes will just be a piece of my daughter's life and not the ruling factor. Thank you so much for your blog.

Oh, if we could all perfect like some people think they are. My son's A1C was 7.9 (the highest it's ever been other than at diagnosis) at his last appointment. I posted it on my blog knowing that some "perfect" people would question my parenting abilities. I do the best I can. You do the best you can. I have gotten emails from people whose kids have A1Cs in the 5s because they munch on carrot sticks and celery all day. This disease is not just about the numbers, it's also about living life. The hard part is living a fulfilling life while still controlling the numbers somewhat. If they want to limit their kid's carbs by all means have at it. But, that's not how I want to go about it.

Thank you, Kerri, for being so honest. Thank you for not sugar-coating it (pun intended), for just being you flaws and all.

Kerry you took those comments in stride. I would have been angered to the point of throwing something and have it ruin my week.

For what its worth I think you are a wonderful role model, blogger, and you cope fantastically. Your blog makes me feel normal in so many ways. My last A1c (this month) was also 7.5 and I felt so defeated. Reading your post made me feel better and as though this isn't a lifelong problem, just a bump in the road to better health.

Perfection; we all want it and people who don't have diabetes can't understand why its so damn hard to achieve. Everything you do starts to build that gap between a PWD and "the others" who don't have it. :)

As a side note, I find once I stop striving for perfect control and numbers I actually come closer to getting there.

Stay strong and you will get closer to the under 7 A1c and be baby-ready. :)

The impression I get is that you are doing your best and making a lot of conscious effort, both of which make you an admirable role model.

I been reading your blog for about 2 years now. It was when I was switching from MDI to my first pump and somehow I found your entries and they clicked, in so many ways. This is the one site on the web that I pretty much read faithfully, other than Dilbert and Garfield. So you are in good company. ;)

Everyone above me has said it all already so I'll be short, "Ditto". Secondly, you do have to give credit to the critics for one thing at least, they've definitely shown you how much you ARE a role model and how much you ARE loved near and far. ;)

Thanks for making the Diabetic Universe much less daunting and lonely.

I didn't comment at first because I didn't want to swear while logged in at work. But as long as we seem to be doing an entire d-OC role-call here, I just have to chime in with "what they said" (especially art-sweet's comment on the ice cream carton).

I don't think I could get a below-7 a1c if you held a gun to my head - this after years of exercise 45-60 min daily, CGMS-ing with my own money, weighing, measuring, etc. It's not a matter of working harder vs enjoying life. It's just YDMV - and mine seems to V a lot more than other peoples.

You were one of the first blogs I bookmarked, and that was precisely because you were dealing with what I was dealing with, not because everything was perfect.

You rock!

Kerry,
I completely 2nd the posting of Sherry (near the top!)
Hang in there. I'm a big fan and I rely on your posts to tell me what my 8 y.o. goes through.
Thank you for your blog.

I like it when people that do not have our problem tries to tell me if you would only do this you would have no problem. I even had one person tell me that if I were to just go to my family doctor once in a while I would be cured. First let me say that both comments are a load of BULL. If any of us have diabetes figured out and have no problems with our problems..Please pass your secrete on to the rest of us. I just got put on the one touch ping pumping system and yes it is great and it helps ME control my blood sugars but by no means does it do it for me

Kerri - as the mother of a child with diabetes, I want you to know the thing I notice about you. You seem happy.
I see your wedding photos. I hear how you love your husband. I read about all of your efforts to manage D.
Even though I'm not the one with diabetes, I am the one trying to do the management right now (my son is 4) and I know that it is hard work, and a constant effort. But, while I want good health for my son, and that is my ultimate goal, it will be nothing if he is not happy.
If you are happy, then you are my role model, because without happiness, what's the point?
When my son is old enough, it will be fine by me for him to have you as a role model - and while I am managing his D, you are certainly a role model of mine.

Well, it's all been said, but I believe there's power in numbers and I just wanted to add one more number to the growing list of people showing their support for you. Thanks for being so relatable and honest. You are human and it makes us feel okay with our own imperfections.

I've always struggled getting my doctors to understand that I will never be perfect and have no desire to be. I choose to live life and do the best I can. I recently went through pregnancy and had great control and a healthy baby. Now I'm back to regular programming and my normal A1C's! :-) I'll never be perfect. No one should expect us to be.

Sorry - one more thing to add as I just re-read your post and got angry all over again. To the person who said your numbers should be better because you're in a public-facing position - go read the numerous blogs of people who are completely uneducated and spout useless information. Aren't they all in 'public-facing positions?' Go after them! You are an intelligent, young woman who provides daily inspiration in a well-written, often humorous way. There are so many people writing crap on the internet that it really burns me up that someone like you would get attacked in that way. In addition, your grace when faced with negativity astounds me. I admit that I would not be able to hold back when put in some of the positions you've been in. If only we could all have your kind of grace, the world would be a better place.

After spending the last 2 days with extreme highs and lows- 313 to 55 back to 297 and again to 60 all because I felt like being "normal" and having a few small slices of whole wheat pizza with a beer yesterday, it was so great to read all of these posts. I have been feeling sad and frustrated and exhausted today from the roller coaster of Diabetes life, and I try so hard to get it right (my A1C's average around 6.8). But I'm nowhere near perfect and although I try my damnedest to be, it's still very difficult for me to realize that it's NEVER going to be perfect because I'm human. I've had Type 1 for 20 years and it never gets easier, but reading your blog and all of these posts help me to realize that I'm not so alone and different in this world.

My son (11) was diagnosed Oct. 3rd as TYPE I. We were rushed to the ER, then 3 days in the pediatric ICU. Then we went home.

It is hard to describe the flood of emotions my wife and I had. Every emotion you can name. So much information, so much to learn... so many questions.

Other parents we didn't even know "found" us. My wife got a couple of cards from "Type I Parents" in the community. And we all have learned little by little to adjust to a new life.

My son a few weeks after was talking to me, trying to deal with everything. I mentioned a Diabetic Camp for kids. He paused and said to me "Dad... I don't want to be a Diabetic-Kid, I just want to be a Kid with Diabetes." I've never been so proud of him. He has shown himself to be much stronger than either of us.

About a week ago he had his first A1c test. So many questions as parents... this was as much a test of us as him. As parents begining diabetes management we second guessed everything we did. He scored a "6"... down from 13.5 that day in the ICU.

You spoke of the support you have been shown through your blog... you have no idea the support you are giving parents of TYPE I kids like me. No idea at all. We know your not perfect, in fact... I see you as normal. So incredibly normal, that it gives us hope. I found your blog in researching TYPE I. As a nervous scared parent, I found in your blog hope. In yours and others that I have bookmarked. You are showing us there is a normal life that awaits our kids. There are friends, jobs, relationships, marriage... and yes even wedding dresses with pockets for insulin pumps. (Which my wife thought was the coolest thing EVER!) You show frightened parents that our kids can still enjoy this wonderful world, this wonderful life... one "stick" at a time.

Your A1c score while may not be ideal... is perfect in it's normalcy of life. It reflects reality. It is honest.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Best to you and yours.
- Michael

Kerri- we love you no matter what your a1-c happens to be on any given visit. Every entry here is like a gift, and really has helped give me some insight as to what I can maybe expect as Noah gets older. I appreciate how much of yourself you put into your blog. Don't let the naysayers get you down.

Wow, I am almost finished with my 40 minute commute home from NYC and I just reached the end now. I discovered your blog about 1 month ago and I look forward to my in-box every day now. I selfishly felt relief when you posted your 7.5, I have been diabetic since 1976 and have never managed to get mine below 7. I am trying, and you help me every day because I am able to identify with you and don't feel like I am going it alone. And I have 2 beautiful children.

One more thing to add to my list of "Those things that are unfair". (Evidently life isn't supposed to be fair, but I keep a short list anyhow.)

Item 397: Women bear the responsibility of treating their body like a temple, getting it healthy to bear children, and being judged if they should do anything BAD while pregnant.

(Meanwhile there seem to be fewer issues that would cause a man in general, or a with diabetes, sperm to be problematic. Awesome.)

Going by the timeline I remember (and I'm too lazy to look it up), Dr. B had already had kids by the time he'd gotten into his tight glucose control. Good thing there were no bad results! (Well, at least none mentioned in the book.)

Awesome. The world is just awesome. I'm completely embittered about this topic now.

The thing that's keeping me pretty optimistic:

I met a woman a few years back at a pump training event. She'd had some rough years with glucose control, and had 10 years with a successfully transplanted kidney. Her seven year old son was gorgeous, healthy, and had no problems.

I mentioned my A1c (7.1 at the time), that I was unhappy with my control and it brought me to pumping. She exclaimed "7.1! I'd love to have numbers that good."

Reality check people. The human body is amazing. The A1c isn't the only indicator of a person with diabetes health. I'd read at the Mayo Clinic web site last year that more pregnancies are unplanned for women w/Type 1, vs the general population. :(

Planning, working toward steadier control, exercising. Keep up the GOOD WORK girl. We're rooting for you. (Okay here's another item for my 'unfair' list - I can't shake your hand in person, and thank you for this blog. Thank you Keri. Keep it real.)

Hi Kerri,

It's unfortunate that those in the "public" sphere seems to be compared against an impossibly high standard sometimes... And people can come across a little mean, whether they intended to be or not...

I still remember a number of years ago, my pediatrician got very upset because I came in with an A1C of 6.6... It wasn't that the number was too high, it was too LOW in his opinion. At the time, my house-mother (I lived at a boarding school at one point) called the doctor for an appointment because I had trouble waking up and getting to the school bus on time. The doctor checked my A1c and told me never to get down there again.

Right now, I'm at 6.8... and fortunately, I didn't have too many lows now (I get to work on time, I can function, etc.) but if I have the choice of being able to safely drive and not get into a car accident (I've gotten a bad low in the car before), versus getting an A1C of under 6.0, I think I'd choose to drive safely and live. Maybe forgo the A1c below 6.0 for another month.

Thank you for being so open and posting all these information. I've only recently discovered the diabetes web community and it's amazing how strangers can understand me more than my own family at times.

Chiara

Kerri,

Perfect? What's that? Seems like a pretty difficult and stressful thing to achieve.

I, like so many others here, appreciate your public honesty, inspiration, information and humor. I read your blog because as the mother of a 4 year old Type 1 son, it is the closest I can come to really knowing what he feels, and will go through daily. Yes, I am the one who does the daily care now, but I don't know what he feels when he's low, or high, or sick. Your posts help me to understand, and I appreciate your candor as you deal with everyday life.

Hang in there. I think you're awesome!

Seriously, Kerri. There is nothing that can be said by me that hasn't already been written a thousand times over in the comments above. But because everyone loves a little positive affirmation, I'll say this: Your honesty and truthfulness in your writing is what brings me every time to read your blog. While I don't wish "difficult to manage diabetes" on anyone, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with control. Even while on sensors. I appreciate you and everything you bring to the online diabetes community!!

Kerri, I'm just catching up a few posts and am late.

Thank you seriously for your always fresh, always open, human and relevant, real-world thoughts about living with diabetes.

It is almost impossible to read an entire post without smiling, tearing up, or alternatively doing both.

You are truly an inspiration to me.

I have to say, that having an a1c that is "high" and saying "yes, I am diabetic" makes you a better role model for young diabetics than anyone with a 5.0 a1c. Talking openly about diabetes is the first step towards dealing with it, and THAT is what kids should see, not perfect blood sugars. Good work Kerri!

What was Dr. Bernstein's A1c was when he was trying to get pregnant ;-)!!?

Kerri

Just tell them to Blog off!

You are doing a great job and
thank you for sharing.

as usual, well said, my friend, well said, indeed!

Kerri,

As a lifelong perfectionist, I got the wakeup call of a lifetime when my 1 year old son was diagnosed Type 1. I really admire you for your openness and honesty on here, and I think you continue to be a role model, despite what your A1C is. It's diabetes, for crying out loud -- there are so many variables interacting that NO one can be perfect. EVER. But we can all try to do a little better -- which you are clearly doing, all of the time.

Seriously, if my little boy can grow up to have as healthy an attitude as yours about your disease one day, I'll be very happy.

Keep on going, sister. We're all pulling for you.

Kerri, I love reading your blog. You show everyone the every day struggles of having diabetes. You share with us your triumphs and your pitfalls. For that, I am grateful. I know that I will never be a "perfect" diabetic and you know what. I'm fine with that. I would never want to read a blog written by a "perfect" diabetic. We love you Kerri, flaws and all.

Just catching up on my reading. Excellent post. You've handled the ridiculousness with style and grace, as usual.

Kerri, you are awesome. Your blog is amazing. Your honesty makes the world a better place.

I have T2 and took insulin during my first pregnancy, which resulted in a very healthy little human. I was recently pregnant again and sadly it didn't continue, but most likely nothing to do with diabetes. I got a very nice note from my new endo letting me know how hard he knew I was working to control my levels. It was much harder this time. I can only guess at how much harder it is for someone with T1.

I was so frustrated feeling like I would count with precision and still be high, or try to fuction at work with pre-lunch lows every day. I don't know if I'll get pregnant again, and I hope I'll do better next time (I was close to, but just above, the pregnancy goals the vast majority of the time).

Just to reiterate -- you are brave, amazing, beautiful.

Thank you for writing this. As I type, I have stupid tears running down my face as a result of a "bad" appt. with my dr this morning. Thank you for writing that we will never be "perfect", even though people with diabetes try to be more perfect then everyone (it was ground into us!!)

thanks again..

It's funny how every doctor has a different theory on what "good control" is. My endo told me recently that I should NOT be LOWER than 7%, because that means a higher risk of running into lows and he says those are worse than high sugars. So by my endo's standards, you are right on target! So Dr. Bernstein can go suck an egg. He was way out of line and I echo many of the previous comments.

Holy shit Kerri - that was my first impression upon reading this entry by you today. Holy shit. Spoken so truly, freely, and openly - I admire your position and words on this subject. Rock on - you are a true Rockstar - and I very much enjoyed getting to meet and chat with you at CWD. Look forward to the future and what our freindship holds in store. Sncerely, your buddy Andy

I'm gearing up for an appointment with my endo tomorrow and the usual anxiety about what my lab numbers will be kicked in yesterday :p

Reading this post I began to choke up a bit because managing diabetes is hard and I REALLY appreciate you sharing your experiences with us. I love that your posts make me laugh because they are so relatable! I read, chuckle, and usual think to myself 'totally been there.'

So, keep up the good work! You are a real treasure for those of us striving to be the best diabetics possible while living life and making the most of it.

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