Low Blood Sugar Woes. (And Whoas)
Next week will be better.
Because this week has sort of sucked, on the diabetes front.
On Wednesday afternoon, I stopped home for lunch to make a quick sandwich and grab my laptop. It was a warmer day, so I felt a little sticky as I brushed my teeth in the bathroom. I was delaying putting on my coat. My forehead was damp. And the sounds of cars going by outside and the radio in the living room were tumbling around in my ears like socks in the dryer. My brain knew I was low. My body was slower to acknowledge this. I went to the fridge to get the juice, my legs operating much slower than usual.
And I stood there with the fridge door open for several minutes, just staring into it and trying to remember what I was doing. I kept looking at the juice, my brain poking at me frantically - "Um, some sugar would be nice. Why don't you get that?" - but I wasn't moving and instead stood there a few minutes longer, letting the cold wash over me as I found myself sitting on the floor.
I've been diabetic for a long time. Even I should know better than to let my lows eat my brain like this. (Zombie lows? Whoops, digression.) Finally, I fully tuned into the fact that I was low and I drank juice until it ran down my jawline.
I tested. 45 mg/dl. Stupid lows.
I can rebound physically from a low that happens in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning, but the aftermath of a low during the day sucks the life out of me. I felt exhausted and shaky for several hours afterward. These moments make me angry at diabetes, because there is so much out of my control.
Last night, at our holiday party, it happened again. I was talking with my husband and some coworkers and drinking a diet soda (avoiding the alcohol because ... well, then I may have been inclined to sing karaoke and that would have been a crisis), but then the headache came on. Again with the damp forehead. Again with the dizzy feeling and the swimmy sounds in the room.
"Excuse me, I'll be right back," I said to Chris and our friends, walking over to the open bar.
"Orange juice, please?" I used the bar to prop myself up a bit, hoping no one was noticing how rattled I looked but hoping someone would notice if I needed them to.
"And vodka?" The bartender put some ice in my glass.
"No thanks. Just orange juice, please." He gave me a big glass and I downed it as quickly and discreetly as I could.
Everyone knows I have diabetes. It's not discussed and it's not avoided, but it's common knowledge. Yet I didn't want anyone to see me in that vulnerable state. The waves of nausea and light headedness were washing over me, but I did what I could to appear "normal." It doesn't make sense - these people know and like me and I have nothing to be ashamed of, yet I still felt warm with both hypoglycemia and embarrassment.
It passed. It always passes. And the night went on without issue. (And we had fun.)
But these lows. I can track my blood sugars and attempt to plot the trends. I can wear the CGM and test often. I can carry fast acting glucose and be all "responsible." But they still come. Prevention is a good effort, but it doesn't completely eliminate these nasty lows.
it's been a crappy week. I have felt "off" all week long and my the fallout has been visible in my numbers, my mood, and my motivation. I hope an easy weekend will realign me.
Next week will be better. Next week I will be better.