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Playpen.

Diabetes is in there, screaming its head off.I go through spurts of paying rapt attention to diabetes-related things.  I'll monitor and log numbers like my next heartbeat depends on it.  I'll count those blasted carbs and bolus accordingly.  My days start to lose their life focus and my hours begin to revolve around diabetes.  For the first part of these obsessive periods, my numbers are tightly controlled.  But after too many days of laser-focus, the burnout sets in and things go haywire.  Over-correcting highs (i.e. Testing at 10 am to see 240, correcting with two units of Humalog, testing again at 11 am and seeing 220, correcting again ... you see where this is going, right?  Straight to a blood sugar of 52 mg/dl at high noon.), chasing lows, feeling vlah.

Then there are the spurts when I do not give what even remotely resembles a care.  It's not like I'm blowing off diabetes care, but I just do it without overthinking it and then move the heck on.  This is the phase I'm in these days, and it's been going on for about two weeks.  I'm wearing my pump, checking my blood sugar, eating 85% healthy (too much coffee, indulging in ice cream, and upping the carb intake a little bit more than  usual), and exercising very regularly.  But I'm not going crazy trying to control all the variables.

Why, oh why, Diabetes, do you behave yourself only after I've gone through all your emotional hoops?  Why don't you comply when I'm diligently logging and checking out all the hardware issues?  When I'm pouring my heart into your management?  Why is it that you are completely in line when I'm climbing up the side of a mountain, not giving a crap what my blood sugar is?  Why is it that once I stop fussing, you start behaving?  I'm not going out of my way to attend its needs, and now is when it complies.

Diabetes is like a bad little toddler.  It's grumpy and needy and pinches my arm when I walk by.  It's moody and constantly needs to be changed.  It wants to play in the dirt but it doesn't want to wipe its feet before it comes inside, and it leaves crumbs from its snacks all over the damn place.  It whines, cries, and hollers in my ears but when I give it what it wants, it throws it against the wall with a smack

I will be a good mother to my actual children, but I'm going to toss Diabetes back into the playpen for a few more hours and let it scream its head off.

Comments

There's nothing wrong with letting a kid cry once in a while... even a kid as demanding and needy as diabetes. :)

You are so right on, Kerri. I get on those kicks, too. Right now I'm on my good kick, but weekends tend to be my weakness. Keep up, sister!

Oh how I go thru this couple months. At times it's like "normal" people just don't understand. I just spent 2 weeks trying to get my numbers in control before getting the lab work done. Mine is in a time out as I type. Take care!

Kerri,
From someone who's having a "good" day when i can keep my numbers in the 200s, i can honestly say that ignoring & not micromanaging even works for me! When i'm not at work (weekends, vacation) i will regularly test with normal, (real normal) numbers. I just let my body and not my worries take control. My endo wants me at numbers less than 250 average. when i am just running with it, i see numbers in the mid 100s. Just roll with the punches !

what a great analogy.

I was just posting something about this recently on my blog--I'm firmly in burnout stage myself--and although my AM readings are a little higher than I'd like, I seem to be able to suddenly tolerate a PBJ sandwich without a sudden sharp rise in blood sugar.

What the heck is THAT all about? When I CARE about it, when I'm slavishly bonded to my monitor with a devotion I only show to my children otherwise, THEN I get 200, 250, etc. But when I stop caring, then it toes the line?

Fuhgeddaboudit. I'm going to go eat a cinnamon roll.

awesome analogy!

My mum had a really good friend whose children were very 'energetic'. Sometimes she sat in the playpen and let the kids trash the house. That way she felt safe!

It must be the time of year. I'm also in burnout. A couple of days with high mountains and deep valleys for blood glucose readings. Yikes!

I think I feel the opposite. I'm going for an insulin-pump consult tomorrow morning (I'm finally going over to the dark side), so I've been logging everything I eat and sugars and whatnot..... It's amazing how much more in control things are when I'm anal about them...
I'll never understand - why DOES it make a difference to write things down?!? and Why is it just as difficult now to write down all the details as it was when I was 10 years old?!?

Great post and or me it seems like when I'm obessing that I'm also stessing which throws my BG's into a frenzy. And still I have the exact same moments you just described. Incredible analogy!

Andrea

Love this post. Thanks for sharing!

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