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Diabetes Anniversary No. 22.

I was diagnosed with diabetes twenty-two years ago today.  I don't have anything to say other than it's another year and I don't have that feeling of "accomplishment." 

Instead, I feel a little beaten down by a rotten A1c, my body is sore from my attempts at rotating infusion sites (the one I put in last night was risky - very high on my back and it hurts like a bitch but the absorption is good so far), and I'm trying really hard to control my blood sugars. 

There are days when I feel great and like I'm almost unaffected by this.  Other days are tough, and it gets inside my heart.  My blood sugar right now is 99 mg/dl.  I feel strong and I look healthy, I think.  I feel like people don't understand what this disease requires sometimes because it's so "invisible." But I don't feel like marking this day.  I don't want to acknowledge it.  I don't remember "before" and I try really hard sometimes, forcing my mind to go back so many years and I comb for a memory that was before my diagnosis.  I can't find a single one.  And I think forward to my future and about starting a family and going on trips and all the life I have ahead of me and I comb through this future for some hope that these moments won't include diabetes, either.  But they all will, for as far out as I can see.

I know we have to keep working towards good health - all of us.  And I'll continue to do that.  But it can get very tiring, and today I'm not feeling very upbeat.  I may need to get this.  Just thinking about it makes me laugh.  And laughter, diabetic or not, helps heal everything.

Comments

fudgy the whale rocks. you should have him.

some days are great days, some days are just okay. sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.

happy diabirthday! eat cake!

Hi Kerri,
First of all... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! It is certainly a day to mark! You've made it 22 years...thru the ups & downs... even bringing "Kitty" along for the roller coaster ride. You should mark this day because even though some days you feel out of control totally...you're more in control than ever :)

We were given the link to your blog just a few short weeks ago. My youngest daughter Kacey (age 8) was dignosed with T1 on 7-15-08 so this is all still very new to us...she's on intensive insulin therapy... 4 shots a day (min). We're hoping to be pumping as soon as they give us the go! Anyway...I've found your blog informative, uplifting, heartwarming, emotional...and much more! You always seem to put a smile on faces...not only to someone with T1 but to parents like me who are struggling with trying to keep control of things. Never stop doing what you're doing :) I look forward to the day that my daughter is old enough to read here and laugh...smile...cry....but most of all know she's not alone in all of this!

So get out there...celebrate the day...and I say take advantage of the "holiday" and make a special dessert!

Take care :)

Jill

No one can be upbeat all the time - and that's okay. 22 years is wonderful. And at the same time, 22 years sucks. Be sad, be proud, be frustrated, be hopeful. Be it all at the same time. And do whatever it is that makes you smile - especially if it's celebrating with Fudgy.

He Kerri, I say get the cake, enjoy it. 22 years of this means you totally have the right to eat cake, especially when you aren't feeling upbeat. Maybe not ALL the cake, but a small slice and share the rest or save it for later :)

I hope you have a better day :)

Amber

Get the cake. I respect how you feel.

One thing is for certain, your diabetes has helped our diabetes lives. You are an inspiration because you are real and share your ups and downs.

and you make us laugh. :D

Here's to another 22.

Wait, are you allowed to eat cake?

Just kidding! I hope you have a giant piece of Fudgy to celebrate. 22 years is quite an accomplishment. I had 22 years before diabetes and won't have 22 years with diabetes until my mid 40s (seems so far away now!)so you are quite the inspiration to me! :)

Oh, how I know the feeling lately. Not feeling too upbeat myself. I'm struggling to beat down the A1C to epic levels, do repeated basal rate tests until all the basal settings are "perfect", and then be given the green light to try to get pregnant. It feels like a long and frustrating road... and I'm not getting any younger!!

But then I find the support of people like you online, a few women I know who have gone through pregnancy with type 1 diabetes, and a very kind nurse who boosted me up today. The nurse started and ended our conversation with big compliments to me and how hard I'm working on my diabetes management. If they only knew how much we need to hear that sometimes!
Keep your chin up... or cry on your hubby's shoulder for a while until you smile again.
- Suzanne

Hey Kerri, congratulations and I am totally for getting the cake :) You survive, and that inspires a lot of us out here in the OC ;)

Some days all we can do is get by. And on those days, perhaps a piece of cake helps. Thanks for your honesty... it's refreshing. And we get it.

I think a dig into Fudgy is totally in order today.

Yes, just another year. But one you made through. And there will be many more.....

Here's to more diaBirthdays or D-Anniversaries whether you feel like acknowledging them or not.

We do for you because you are an inspiration for so many, even when you have a down day or week or....it's ok. You're human. And we love you!

There is no one who doesn’t have type 1 can understand the kind of day you are having. The truth is the disease is so unrelenting and so unforgiving these days will happen. Be very good to yourself today Kerri.
Mark

Congrats - I just passed 21 years last month. I've reached the point where I'm more cognizant of my D-Day than my B-Day.

Probably not shocking I suppose.

Congrats, Kerri. Definitely get the cake. Cake always makes me feel better.

Congratulations on 22 years of good health and no complications! Today is a milestone for me as well, my diabetes turns 15 years old today. Enjoy your cake! I'm thinking cupcakes, myself!

thanks so much for what you do on this blog! i found the link through Shakesville, and it's been great reading for me - my boyfriend of almost a year was diagnosed almost 2 years ago (he's type 1). while it's usually a matter of fact part of being with him ("hey, you did shoot up before bed tonight right??") i don't always think about what he deals with on a daily basis and it's really helpful to get another perspective on that. congrats on 22 years of healthiness! ( i sent him the link to this blog. if you're reading these comments, i

oops, my fancy l33tspeak heart got cut off. i said, i heart you sweetface!

Memories of "before" diabetes - they somehow seem to get tainted with hindsight...
I remember drinking slurpees as a child, and now I seem to remember that they didn't make me hyper like other kids, rather sluggish...

What date would it be in my case?
When I decided to see the doctor?
When I had seen him? (a week later)
When he told me about the result? (additional three days)
When I had my first shot? (An additional week!)
I think, for me it will be the last one. I was handed out the device and told to take five units as a start. I still remember that and I think I will do this until the end of my “career”.
I did not like the idea doing this and still don’t like it. On the other hand: I think being dead is worse. At least no one with both experiences told me otherwise.

Sebastian

Kerri you said it so perfectly.My dx was one month to the day of my 13th bday. In July I had my 32nd anniversay. Nobody said congrats,good job or keep up the good work. They just dont get it .But we do. When I was dx blood glucose meters,pumps,cgms didnt even exsist ! There is so much to be thankful for 32 years without any major complications if I can do it so can you ! : )

Yay for you, Chris and Fudgy the Whale! Damn straight you can have him!! You are an inspiration to all and I applaud your courage, honesty and tenacity. You rock!!

Hey Kerri!

Happy Diabetic Anniversary!
My anniversary was this Monday, so celebrating it was a huge deal, the cake looked awesome by the way! :-D

:-)

Congratulations on 22 Years Kerri!!! You keep inspiring me everyday, thanks for writing this.

Hi Kerri,

Congrats on your 22nd. I thought I'd share this poem I wrote when I marked my 20th and was reflecting on the day I was told I had the big "D."

D-DAY

The blood was drawn, the urine tested
Gaunt and thin my body protested
The diagnosis came fast and quick
The needles
The insulin
The finger sticks
All Greek to me, so much to learn
The angry "Why me? What did I do to earn
This insidious disease?"
The doctor proclaimed, "You are a Type 1?"
Would my future be dreary, devoid of fun?
The "cure" he said
Maybe in five years
When it comes then no more fears
About diabetes and its complications!
But for me it was day one
Filled with worried frustrations

Now twenty years have come and gone
Still walking this Earth
Still feeling strong
No cure yet but they do entice
With news about healing sweetblood mice
Each day is a challenge to keep the bg stable
Somehow I make it
Somehow I’m able
To live my life and I am sure
That I will live for twenty and twenty and twenty more.

-- Brad Slaight
Santa Monica, CA

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