Diabetes Anniversary No. 22.
I was diagnosed with diabetes twenty-two years ago today. I don't have anything to say other than it's another year and I don't have that feeling of "accomplishment."
Instead, I feel a little beaten down by a rotten A1c, my body is sore from my attempts at rotating infusion sites (the one I put in last night was risky - very high on my back and it hurts like a bitch but the absorption is good so far), and I'm trying really hard to control my blood sugars.
There are days when I feel great and like I'm almost unaffected by this. Other days are tough, and it gets inside my heart. My blood sugar right now is 99 mg/dl. I feel strong and I look healthy, I think. I feel like people don't understand what this disease requires sometimes because it's so "invisible." But I don't feel like marking this day. I don't want to acknowledge it. I don't remember "before" and I try really hard sometimes, forcing my mind to go back so many years and I comb for a memory that was before my diagnosis. I can't find a single one. And I think forward to my future and about starting a family and going on trips and all the life I have ahead of me and I comb through this future for some hope that these moments won't include diabetes, either. But they all will, for as far out as I can see.
I know we have to keep working towards good health - all of us. And I'll continue to do that. But it can get very tiring, and today I'm not feeling very upbeat. I may need to get this. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. And laughter, diabetic or not, helps heal everything.