SpiderWoman.
Last night, I started the long trek back to RI for today's Joslin appointment. I threw my bags into the Jetta, queued up a few good driving cds, and began the drive. Once I was on the road, I took a few minutes to call my dad back. We were mid-conversation when I felt a little tickle on my left arm. I looked over absently and saw an enormous gray spider sitting patiently, wearing what looked like a sweatervest.
"HOLY CRAP!"
"What is it?"
"DAD THERE IS A HUGE SPIDER ON MY ARM OH MY GOD I AM FREAKING OUT." My voice was at a fevered pitch but I was doing my best to refrain from completely losing it while I was driving.
"A spider? Just brush it off, Kerri." I could hear the laugh in his voice. I was not amused.
"DAD I CANNOT DO THAT. IT IS LOOKING AT ME." Panic rising. The spider laughed. I freaked out and flung my arm against the window. The spider yelped, then fell into my lap and ran down my thigh towards my feet.
"DAD, I HAVE TO GO. I WILL CALL YOU BACK IN A MINUTE. I NEED TO MELT DOWN FOR A MINUTE."
He sighed. "Kerri, keep it together. Call me back." He hung up. I drove on in silence, screams trapped behind my tightly-closed lips. I took the first exit, drove to a restaurant parking lot, and put the car gently into park.
Then I threw open the door, half fell out before realizing I needed to undo my seat belt, and stumbled away from the car yelling something that sounded like, "Oh my God what a massive spider AHHHHH! I cannot believe AHHHHHH! Ewww!!!"
My hands were scraping invisible ceilings above my head. I kept touching my legs to make sure there weren't spiders crawling around on me. My ponytail came loose and I was sweating. Thankfully, there was a truck filled with guys just finishing their construction job parked right next to me.
"Um, miss? Are you okay?" The driver stepped cautiously out of the car, putting his hands in front of him and moving towards me slowly.
"I'm fine. Spider. There was a big spider." Breathing hard. Feeling so, so stupid.
"Is she havin' a fit?" A voice from within the construction truck, followed by another man murmuring.
"Nope, just a spider. Miss, do you want me to check your car for the spider?"
I'm sure I looked like a lunatic.
"Yes, please. Please check. It is gray and seriously huge. It's wearing a sweatervest, for crying out loud."
He laughed. Two of the guys checked my car while I watched from a safe distance of at least fifteen feet.
"Miss? There's nothing but these things," one of them lifted their hand up and showed me a collection of used test strips that were cached underneath the passenger seat.
"No spider? He was just there!"
"He's gone now."
I smoothed my hair back and thanked them with the most mature voice I could muster. They laughed at me and told me not to worry, because the spider was more scared of me than I was of it.
Somehow I doubt that.
Comments
Sweatervest? LOL
I typically say, "IT HAS A DOG IN IT'S MOUTH!!!"
Glad you survived.
Posted by: George | August 5, 2008 02:25 PM
We have another thing in common (other that d), our mutual hatred of all things with 8 legs. :)
I don't know that I could have even made it to a stopping point.
I can almost bet you had a blood sugar spike after that stress! :)
Posted by: Cara | August 5, 2008 02:26 PM
I'm wiping tears as I read your blog. But, ya know what? I would have reacted exactly the same way!!
I think it was your use of the word 'sweatervest' that makes me laugh uncontrollably!!
Thanks for the great laugh. But I'm sorry you had to go thru that. Not nice. Ever.
Posted by: Jenn | August 5, 2008 02:33 PM
It's still in your car.
Posted by: Darrell | August 5, 2008 02:37 PM
I HATE BUGS!!
One night in college I woke up because I felt this sharp pain on/in my shoulder. I looked down to see a beetle biting me! And the rest of the story pretty much ends up like yours.
Posted by: Sara | August 5, 2008 03:03 PM
"The spider laughed"
LMAO. I could not stop laughing at this!
I shouldn't laugh though because I think you held it together amazingly compared to what my reaction would have been, haha well done you!!
Posted by: Kate_Ireland | August 5, 2008 03:04 PM
Eeeeewwwwwww. I hate that "more scared of you than you are of it" line. IT'S SO NOT TRUE!!! My dad used to say that all the time - as did my husband when there was a snake in our basement near the washing machine. Clearly men just don't get it. It was very brave of you to keep it together until you could get to a parking lot - thank goodness!! I imagine the whole stressful scene was not great for the blood sugar, huh?
Posted by: Karen | August 5, 2008 03:37 PM
I can safely say I probably would have reacted the same exact way. Especially if it was wearing a sweater. :)
Posted by: Lacey Bean | August 5, 2008 03:42 PM
oh MAN, i'm fairly certain i would swerved off the road into the nearest ditch. kudos to you for being able to make it to a full-fledged parking lot.
i killed a HUGE spider in my shower a couple of months ago and i'm still showering in the other bathroom.
Posted by: erin | August 5, 2008 04:10 PM
oh MAN, i'm fairly certain i would swerved off the road into the nearest ditch. kudos to you for being able to make it to a full-fledged parking lot.
i killed a HUGE spider in my shower a couple of months ago and i'm still showering in the other bathroom.
Posted by: erin | August 5, 2008 04:10 PM
I can so relate. Give me a wild animal any day over a spider. They are the only creature that I'm terrified of.
Posted by: Trish | August 5, 2008 04:14 PM
Oh my god, that was hysterical. I so would have done the same thing.
Posted by: Major Bedhead | August 5, 2008 04:49 PM
Oh shoooot I didn't realize about today. I'm losing track of the days. Dammit!!!! Sorry about that!
I'm glad you weren't eaten by the spider!
Posted by: Shannon | August 5, 2008 04:54 PM
Frak. I'm not completely freaked out by spiders, but I don't want anything with an exoskeleton crawling up and down my body... All of them bite... all of them bite me... and I am allergic to those bites.
Spider bites really scare me since my childhood friends would return from sleepaway camp with these huge scars on their legs from spider bites...
Posted by: tmana | August 5, 2008 05:10 PM
LMAO. Just read this after a busy and annoying day and it put a smile on my face and now I can't stop grinning. But I also sympathize with your fear. We all have our own.
You do realize that there is a large gray spider in a sweater vest hitch-hiking to RI, now. Don't you?
Posted by: RickS | August 5, 2008 06:38 PM
ROFL! I would have swerved off the road if I would have seen a spider on me!
Posted by: Karpoozi123 | August 5, 2008 07:00 PM
OMG Kerri, I would have pulled over immediately and jumped out of the car, highway or not!
One time something like that happened (thankfully that darn thing was on the window and not on me) I just hit the flashers, pulled over, swung the door open, sprung out and tried to regain my composure.
Oh wait, then there was the other time I yelled at my friend to pull over because the darn thing was on the window, she was so mad but she did get rid of it for me. (I was the passenger).
Oh and another little bugger made a home inside my car dashboard, where all my gauges are. I was on my way to an interview and it was So distracting! As soon as I was done I went to the dealership and said, "Get it Out!" I swear the web is still there and the little bugger is just waiting....
You handled it well, driving until an exit, oh no way girl.
From the anxiety I probably would have gotten low. Don't recall the previous times. Those were years ago so who knows how it would be now.
Here's to sweatervest eyes never laughing at you again!
(thanks for sharing, it made me laugh so hard!)
Posted by: CALpumper | August 5, 2008 07:13 PM
Well now you sound just like Nicole! ;-)
Posted by: Paula | August 5, 2008 07:47 PM
At least you didn't crash into a telephone pole like I did the last time a spider was in my car.
I didn't hit it head on - but it did a number on my passenger side - including knocking the mirror clean off...
I'm proud of you for pulling over before anything terrible occurred...
Posted by: Nicolep | August 5, 2008 09:08 PM
Kerri
You need to meet my friend Robin.
http://www.delswife.net/stories/grasshopper.htm
or
http://delswife-stories.blogspot.com/2008/08/blog-post.html
Love Ya / Mean It (Oh yeah she coined LYMI too.)
Posted by: Bennet | August 6, 2008 08:58 AM
I'm totally with you on the whole freaking about spiders thing. I'm convinced that they are out to get me....and the ones with the sweatervests are totally evil!!!
But seriously, I think you did a great job keeping your cool....I probably would have had an accident!
Posted by: Michelle | August 6, 2008 09:44 AM
Someone alert the fashion police. A sweatervest in August? What was he thinking?
Posted by: Michelle | August 6, 2008 10:11 AM
Hi Kerri,
I love reading your blog. Although I don't have diabetes, I am a fellow chronic illness sufferer - lupus and rheumaotid arthritis. I love this post because I too, am afraid of spiders and most bugs. And it's nice to know that others freak out about such things, too, even if we really have been through scarier events in our lives!
Leslie
Posted by: Leslie | August 6, 2008 01:39 PM
Hey Kerri,
This is my first time posting a comment, but I read your blog all the time and love it. I just have to say wait until you're holding a baby and you have a spider on you. No more crazy arm flailing get-that-spider-off-of-me dance! It's not fun!
Posted by: Rachel | August 6, 2008 02:00 PM
Kerri,
I had a similar experience last night, but with a horsefly. Thank GOD it didn't touch me though.
I just posted about it on the blog.
All I could think about was how a horsefly would look if it wore a sweatervest. :)
Posted by: Kate_Ireland | August 6, 2008 02:25 PM
OMG, the same thing happened to me except it was a dandy-long-legs (I know I spelled that wrong! lol). And it was on my visor coming down onto the steering wheel!
I almost went off the road I freaked out so much!!! OHH!!!
Reading your experience just brought it all back for me. I had tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks as I was reading your blog - thanks for that! :)
Posted by: Chris | August 6, 2008 09:07 PM
You should have let it drive... ;-)
Posted by: Scott | August 6, 2008 10:10 PM
Damn spiders...
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | August 7, 2008 10:57 AM