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Not My Father.

My cell phone trills from the depths of my work bag while I'm driving.  I execute a quick, one-handed dive into the bag, retrieve the cell phone, and see that the caller's number is blocked.  It must be my mother, or my friend Batman, or a customer service call.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Pumpkin."

(Or my father.)

"Hi there.  What's up?"

"Not much.  Just calling to see how work is going."  He sounded very happy.  Which is bizarre because, let's be honest, he's not the most chipper guy in the world.

"Work is good.  I'm just getting back in the swing of things.  On my way back from lunch now.  How are you?"

"Good, good.  Hey, it was great to see you guys last weekend."

Last weekend?  He must mean two weekends ago.  Chris and I were on our honeymoon last weekend.  But whatever.

"Yeah, it was good to see everyone."

"Yeah.  So did you give Amelia any of those pills?"

(Silence.)

"Amelia?  Who's Amelia?"

It wasn't my father.(Now he was silent.)

"This isn't Melissa, is it."

"No, and you're not my dad, are you?"

He laughed.  I laughed. 

"You sound just like my dad.  And he calls me 'pumpkin.'"  I felt stupid.  "I feel stupid."

He laughed again.

"Me, too.  Sorry about that.  Thanks for the chat, though!  Now I need to go find Melissa.  Have a good day!"

"You too, Pumpkin."

Comments

Whooaaa WTF.

I thought maybe your dad had gone off the deep end, LOL. That was quite the mistake on his part.

I wonder what pills he was talking about.

My dad may have gone off the deep end. But he has yet to call. ;)

And I am also worried about whoever this "Amelia" person is. Maybe it's a dog? I am concerned.

This is the part of the movie where you track down "Melissa" to figure out how she stole you existence only to run into a large corporation that markets a "memory enhancing device" that the evil C.E.O. uses to control stock holders - AND YOU BOUGHT STOCK LAST WEEK.

But I digress.

LMAO. I was thinking Amelia was a dog too. You can't even call the guy back. Damn those blocked numbers.

OMG that is hysterical. I wish that happend to me. lol

I am laughing so hard my vision is blurred. :-)

This is hilarious. I wonder if your "not Dad" reads your blog? :-)

LMAO!!!!

This is too funny!! I needed the laugh!!

Wow. That was uncomfortable. LOL
At least he was nice.

That's hilarious!

Tooooo funny!!! Thanks for sharing.

i called dad today and he called me back and said that he was talking to ker...da....courtney ya thats who it was it was me lol....

Funny. I call Eleanor "pumpkin" too. It seems like a popular nickname for dads to give to daughters. I wonder why that is?

For me, at least, it's because I think my daughter has a big pumpkin shaped head. But I think I'm not supposed to publicly admit things like that.

Pumpkin eh? I am peanut in my family. :D

Kevin - You made me laugh so hard I almost fell out of my chair. I have a feeling that you and my own father had similar motives. ;)

That story reminds me of the old joke from an 1960's comedy album "You don't have to be Jewish". I won't repeat the whole thing but basically a daughter calls her mother complaining about a sick baby, Hadassah ladies coming for lunch and a messy apt. The mother reassures her daughter that she will shop for food, take care of the sick baby, prepare lunch for the ladies, clean the apt etc. The daughter is relieved until the mother asks how her husband Paul is doing but the daughter replies that her husband's name isn't Paul it's Stan (or something). "Does that mean you're not coming?" is the punch line.

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