Well hello - I'm rather grumpy today.
I had a moment of cyborgy-ness yesterday, when I was dressed for bed at the end of the evening, yoga pants and a sports bra, and I realized that my pants were sort of falling down, thanks to all of the gadgets hooked to my waistband. The pump and the Dexcom, separately, are not heavy items, but together they are a bit weighty. Even though I welcome the protection from lows and highs that Dex is offering, I felt a bit unattractive and robotic. And my blood sugars have been troubling for the past few days, causing the Dex to sing at me with that loud, loud, loud BEEEEEEEEP!
(Note to readers: If this post is making you feel like you want to chime in about how being sexy/attractive is far less important than good diabetes control, now is not the time. I understand how important diabetes control is, and I work hard to achieve a relatively respectable rein on things. But for that moment last night, I wanted to feel like a girl, not a robot. I am entitled to these desires. I am a real human being, not a spokesperson of any kind. :: steps off soapbox, though laughing at the literal illustration of the bar of soap on the box over there on the right. Hee hee. ::)
Dex and I are linked back up again this week, only this time the sensor is on my right thigh. (My pump infusion set is on my left. I'm sporting diabetes saddlebags this week.) I'm hoping that having the sensor in a place that doesn't bend, flex, and deal with waistbands will help keep in place more than four days. The numbers have been pretty precise all day long, except I've seen my first "???" indicators popping up. According to the user manual, this means that the sensor may be disrupted by my clothes rubbing against the sensor face. With the site on my thigh and sporting jeans today, that may be the case. It seems to help if I keep the Dexcom clipped to my pocket, closer to the sensor itself. However, numbers are still relatively accurate. My faith is still strong in this product.
But the annoying bit I'm noticing the most, and which is sending me into a bit of grumpiness, is the beeeeeeping. The "Above 180 mg/dl BEEEEEEEEP" that permeates my office. It's not the fault of the product but more of an alarm that announces my body's failures. It bounces off the wall, ricochets into my ears, and shaves off a bit of my ego. "BEEEEEEP - Kerri, you're high. Your diabetes is uncontrolled at the moment - HEY EVERYBODY! She's high!"
Over the past two weeks, stress levels have once again crept up, and I'm finding myself a bit looped out at times. The wedding is closer, finances are spoken for before they arrive, work is extremely busy, and personal projects are ramping up, thus grabbing and needing more of my attention.
Most often, I'm very upbeat, quick-witted, and pretty damn smiley. But today - meh. I'm grumpy and frustrated with stress, the snowglobe of ideas in my mind, and that damn BEEEEEEEEEP. I become disheartened when my efforts at good diabetes control - hell, good LIFE control - are thwarted by these unseen little factors, like stress, or maybe weak insulin, or the pile of wedding things that still need to be wrangled ... it's a bit much today.
I would love a personal assistant. Or, better still, a vacation. Instead, I have a headache. And BEEEEEEEEEP!