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Like the Weather.

Last week, I was scraping snow off my car.  The heat was on in the apartment and we were huddled underneath piles of down comforters, often accompanied by a small and irritating gray mess.  This week, I've been carrying my wool coat into work instead of wearing it, and I'm window-shopping for kicky little skirts at Ann Taylor. 

The weather here in New England is about as predictable as my blood sugars some days.  And my moods.

As the wedding draws even closer (it's 75 days away as of today - holy crap), everything has started to seem like it's taking on some fast-forward zoom.  I blink and it's Friday again.  I fall asleep for what feels like an instant at night, only to realize it's been six hours.  It's not stress (I'm trying to leave that behind) and it's not the tasks that need to be completed, but more how quickly time is passing.  In a few weeks, it will be a full year since Chris asked me to marry him.  A week later is my wedding shower.  And barely six weeks after that is my wedding day. 

Life is a patchwork of loosely threaded fabrics with incongruous patterns and unanticipated frays.  I find my mind clutching to the most random thoughts - my imagination is on excessive overload.  I'm collapsing into fits of giggles constantly. I wonder if the people at work think I'm losing it a little bit.  Someone made a comment about how I must keep my cats in cages at home because they are so meddlesome.  I retorted with, "No, I usually peel a banana, remove the banana part, and stuff the cat inside the peel, then reseal it."  My co-worker laughed.  "The ol' cat-in-the-banana trick again."  (Oh how I'd love - LOVE - to see a Photoshop representation of this mental image.  Siah, all tucked into a banana.  I'm laughing all over again.)

They're humoring me, but I don't think they have any idea how oddly wired I've felt lately.  I'm having a hard time writing non-fiction bits at the moment but have been penning so much fiction that it's making my fingers cramp.  My imagination is roaming around unsupervised, waking me up in the middle of the night so I can scribble down the thoughts I'm hosting.  Blogging lately has been a little difficult - maybe because my brain is taking all these unapproved vacations?  Diabetes, for the most part, has been giving me little to worry about, other than the daily maintenance routine, and IBanana - courtesy of www.chidiet.com  :) like it in the background vs. in the foreground clammoring for attention.  Yes, I'll test.  And eat healthy foods.  And sport the ol' insulin pump.  And exercise.  But I'm feeling highly creative, pretty damn moody, and a bouncing blend of extroverted and introverted.  At any given moment, I could either blurt out a poem or burst into tears.

Are these the chaotic emotions of a woman on the verge of getting married?  Is this part of a woman's monthly emotional ritual?  All three?  None of the above?  Is this normal?

Oh shoot, the banana's meowing again.    

Comments

Kerri, I feel for you! I am not getting married any time soon, but I do have to say that my best friend is getting married 2 weeks before you and I am probably as stressed as she is! Yikes! And everything does seem to be in fast forward.
As for the weather in relation to diabetes, It was 68 degrees yesterday at 11:00. By 3:00 it was 42. It's been nuts. I just want SPRING!!!! :)

I was struck by the way you wove "incongruous" into your post. It created a provocative point of view.

(I have no idea WTF I'm talking about).

Considering your behavior is pretty much on par with mine, I will venture to say it's all normal....just so I don't feel so alone ;)

Hi! Not long to go! Time is indeed flying by - my weeks seem to consist of Fridays and Mondays only. Not sure if you remember, I mentioned I was going to start pumping soon. Well, I was connected a few hours ago! I am quite excited, but it will probably be while before I am completely settled.. It is a bit overwhelming at the same time :) L

Not to impose more stress on you, but I have a friend who is pregnant and she is acting just like you sound! Hope that wasnt too personal.

Don't worry, you're fine. I was a ball of nerves at about this point in the wedding madness and I didn't have half the fiesta you're planning. I think it's the weather breaking & spring approaching. It's been such a nasty winter, the prospect of it ending is sending us all into a tizzy :)

Happy writing!

I actually find that I'm more creative in my writing when I'm stressed, all these thoughts streaming out from my over-packed brain...So, stress is good for us! (Not.)

I've never tucked my cats into a banana peel, but I have (much to their chagrin), been known to cut ear-holes into a grapefruit peel and stick it on their heads...Very fun (for me--not the cats, who probably want to punch me), and a great stress-reliever. You should try it.

:)

I'd say considering what's going on in your life right now, your behaviour is normal :)

Despite making more of an effort to reduce stress in your life, planning a wedding is a huge, huge undertaking. It's all good - but still, it carries with it a certain amount of stress with it. Oh, and excitement! I was giddy for months before I got married. I'd find people staring at me awkwardly at work as I sat at my desk, gazing into space with a stupid look on my face *grinning from ear to ear*. People must have wondered what I was on ....

Once the wedding is over, I'm sure things will settle a bit for you :) It's all good! (Plus, the winter blahs could also be triggering emotional outbursts too .... I'm not getting married and I'm soooo ready for winter to be over or soon I'll be hiding in the corner, rocking back and forth, muttering incoherantly with shouts of DAMNED SUN GODS!! and other profanity shouted sporatically ....).

Can you tell I'm ready for spring?

I have to say, I think you sound happy. Time usually goes quickly when we're happy and busy and involved.

Hey Kerri,
We're in New York, and it would have been great to see you, but since we haven't heard from you, we figured things were just too crazy for you right now. But we wanted to say hi, let us know if you're in the city. :)

Have a great day! Hope everything is going well for you. :)

-Mollie and Jackie

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