Like the Weather.
Last week, I was scraping snow off my car. The heat was on in the apartment and we were huddled underneath piles of down comforters, often accompanied by a small and irritating gray mess. This week, I've been carrying my wool coat into work instead of wearing it, and I'm window-shopping for kicky little skirts at Ann Taylor.
The weather here in New England is about as predictable as my blood sugars some days. And my moods.
As the wedding draws even closer (it's 75 days away as of today - holy crap), everything has started to seem like it's taking on some fast-forward zoom. I blink and it's Friday again. I fall asleep for what feels like an instant at night, only to realize it's been six hours. It's not stress (I'm trying to leave that behind) and it's not the tasks that need to be completed, but more how quickly time is passing. In a few weeks, it will be a full year since Chris asked me to marry him. A week later is my wedding shower. And barely six weeks after that is my wedding day.
Life is a patchwork of loosely threaded fabrics with incongruous patterns and unanticipated frays. I find my mind clutching to the most random thoughts - my imagination is on excessive overload. I'm collapsing into fits of giggles constantly. I wonder if the people at work think I'm losing it a little bit. Someone made a comment about how I must keep my cats in cages at home because they are so meddlesome. I retorted with, "No, I usually peel a banana, remove the banana part, and stuff the cat inside the peel, then reseal it." My co-worker laughed. "The ol' cat-in-the-banana trick again." (Oh how I'd love - LOVE - to see a Photoshop representation of this mental image. Siah, all tucked into a banana. I'm laughing all over again.)
They're humoring me, but I don't think they have any idea how oddly wired I've felt lately. I'm having a hard time writing non-fiction bits at the moment but have been penning so much fiction that it's making my fingers cramp. My imagination is roaming around unsupervised, waking me up in the middle of the night so I can scribble down the thoughts I'm hosting. Blogging lately has been a little difficult - maybe because my brain is taking all these unapproved vacations? Diabetes, for the most part, has been giving me little to worry about, other than the daily maintenance routine, and I like it in the background vs. in the foreground clammoring for attention. Yes, I'll test. And eat healthy foods. And sport the ol' insulin pump. And exercise. But I'm feeling highly creative, pretty damn moody, and a bouncing blend of extroverted and introverted. At any given moment, I could either blurt out a poem or burst into tears.
Are these the chaotic emotions of a woman on the verge of getting married? Is this part of a woman's monthly emotional ritual? All three? None of the above? Is this normal?
Oh shoot, the banana's meowing again.