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Making Decisions.

Your feedback has been tremendously helpful on this CGM front.  Thank you SO MUCH for your help.  I've had a lot of moments lately when I'm not sure what to do next, because things are spinning so quickly.  Must write that article, must finish that edit, must call that vendor, must try the newest and latest diabetes technologies, must, must, must.  Oooh, and don't forget to sleep.

There's an art to time management, one that I haven't even begun to figure out yet.   I envied people who are able to take on several tasks and get them all done without compromising their sanity.  In my own busy brain, I figured that I just wasn't trying hard enough.  I needed to try harder, and then the work tasks would be done, the body would be well-managed, and diabetes wouldn't be sending up distress flares.

But I am trying hard.  I need to learn to be more forgiving of my own short-comings.  I need to live at peace with this disease.  While it wants attention at every moment of every day, and has demanding that attention for the last twenty-one years of my life, I can't always give it what it wants.  I have a LIFE going on here, one that isn't even close to dictated by diabetes.  

"Wait, wait.  What about your job?  Your job is about diabetes!"

But it isn't.  While I'm writing and editing articles about diabetes, my job isn't about focusing on my own diabetes.   It's about raising awareness of diabetes as a whole, providing information to the public about the disease, and enjoying the inspirational vision of this company.  Diabetes-related or not, this job comes with awesome co-workers, stressful deadlines, and a full range of chaotic fun. I enjoy my job.

"Okay, then the blog.  Your diabetes blog?  Doesn't that become suffocating?"

Yes and no, to be honest.  I like blogging, and doing it for almost three years now has been awesome.  But this blog isn't about diabetes so much as my life with diabetes.  LIFE.  I know I'm in a tough place, diabetes-wise, when I see that my blog posts are focused solely on diabetes-related matters and I'm all questions and stress.  I know I'm light-hearted and silly when the stupid cat makes an appearance.  This blog, though it deals with diabetes issues, is free therapy.  It makes me feel better to write it.  And I like going back to read how I've healed.

"... so your life isn't about diabetes?"

No, it isn't.  It's about ... me.  Diabetes is just a bit player on a big stage.  And for the next few weeks, I have a wedding I want to focus on.  My mom called me about my wedding shower today and I'm completely excited and nervous and thrillled.   I have my awesome friends who are just a state away and I can't wait to see them this weekend.  I have work to do here at dLife, working on content for the new shows and having some silly moments with co-workers.  I'll always have this disease to manage, but sometimes it's easier to manage from a distance, rather than with my nose pressed against the glass. 

I'm going to take a few more days off from the CGM.  I'll call Mr. Minimed in the next day or two and tell him my plan.  And I'll wait until I'm feeling less rumpled and more at ease with other aspects of my life before throwing in the frustration of a new, albeit potentially beneficial, device. Giant, Happy Chili Pepper.  Duh.

I'm making the decision to relax, have some laughs, and loosen up a bit.  It'll all get done ... no need for the furrowed brow.  I'm not myself when I'm being so damn serious.  It's against my nature.

(Notices the huge chili pepper posterboard cut-out taped to my office wall.) 

Totally against my nature.   

Comments

Too many furrowed brows can cause wrinkles in your 30's so it is best to stay away from them.

You're a smart lady! Taking a step away is good for everyone when there's so much going on. Take your time and enjoy the wedding planning. The CGM will still be there when you're ready.

When my life starts playing out like a bad movie, and I want to press pause, I've learned it's best to just turn the volume down instead. I'm glad your finding your bearings and relaxing a bit.

I'd also LOVE to know the story behind the Big Red Chile. I always knew you had a little kick!

I'm glad you've made a decision you're happy with, the uncertainty can sometimes be so much worse. Enjoy this time (the wedding etc) and revisit serious diabetes business later. Furrowed brows are so not cool, plus think of the possible wrinkles in the wedding pictures!
Kerri you're AMAZING, even if diabetes gets you down sometimes.

Um, that chili is so fantastic. I love it!

I wear my CGMS sporadically, too. I am often dissapointed by its failure in accuracy. I guess that using these things help companies to improve them, but I have been a bit underwhelmed with the numbers.

It's easy to get buried by the stress, including diabetes...taking a time out is good for the soul for sure ...have a great week, full of laughter and silly times!

sometimes you just can't do it all — ALL THE TIME! focusing on diabetes management takes so much out of you. i think everyone who's had diabetes for a while takes 'diabetes vacations' from time to time... (not that you are but i think i'm on one now). it's only human. sometimes you need to step back, take a breath and give yourself a break.

I'm glad you're taking time out for yourself! those times of indecision can be so frustrating.. I'm sure all the CGM stuff will be a lot easier when you get back to it :)

(I cracked up when I read these lyrics and saw that the person who submitted them thought Simon and Garfunkel said "doo-it in doo doo)

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobblestones
Looking for fun and feeling groovy
Ba da da da da da da, feeling groovy

Hello lamppost, what'cha knowing
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me?
Doo-it in doo doo, feeling groovy
Ba da da da da da da, feeling groovy

I got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me
Life I love you, all is groovy

You are just young and having all the same issues as everyother young person at this time in your life. Think about 20 years from now "I wish I had done this or that". If you can look back and smile it will all have been worth it.
You will be fine

Another great post Kerri.

I too feel that my blogging is therapeutic (damn that's a hard word for me to spell right. Thank you google toolbar!).

It really helps me to get things "out there", and find some words to apply to the sometimes vague and mysterious emotions.

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