Wake Up, Test, and Repeat.
It's like that scene in The Graduate, where Dustin Hoffman is floating at the bottom of the pool while life mills around above him. That feeling of water clouding my vision, leaving the numbers on the alarm clock looking blurry and projected from miles away. A strange, floating feeling to my limbs, like there are layers of helium between my muscle and my skin. Yet my hearing is honed to a fine precision, taking in the steady sound of Chris breathing, the cat snoring at the foot of the bed, and the sounds of the wind in the trees outside.
I also hear my own heart beating.
3:42 am on Tuesday morning.
I thought about possible causes for the low blood sugar. There were plenty, as Monday night was spent laughing, drinking, and partying hard with co-workers. Then there's the fact that I'm on the "off week" for my birth control pills. Plenty of factors to consider. Even though I went to bed at a blood sugar of 173 mg/dl, I knew the chances of an early morning low were elevated.
I set my alarm for 4 am, but found myself awake, staring at the ceiling, and willing my arms to reach over for my testing kit at 3:42 am instead.
Chalk it up to a moment of miscalculation. I drank the juice on my bedside table and then eased myself back into sleep.
But last night, I didn't go out. I didn't drink anything with alcohol in it. I didn't go to bed excessively late or entertain any dodgy blood sugars. The only variable I could find was the absence of birth control hormones this week. Taking that into account and remembering Monday night's low, I lowered my basal rates last night and went to bed, again, at a blood sugar above 150 mg/dl.
The cat opens her mouth into a wide yawn, exposing her tiny pink tongue, as I scramble for my kit.
Nothing freaks me out more than scary lows, two nights in a row. The same frighteningly low number. I'm short on sleep and even shorter on confidence in my body. Tonight, I will lower my basal rates further. I will set my alarm for 3 am and see if I can catch this low as it happens (it's like tracking a hurricane sometimes). I'll try and figure out if it's just the off-week for the pill or if my basal rates have suddenly found themselves to be too much on the overnight.
Calculating, factoring, estimating, guessing, hoping, trying, remaining determined.
Wake up, test, repeat.