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Always.

It’s there when my sleepy hands reach out from underneath the comforter and connect with my meter case. It’s there when my eyes close at night.

It’s there when I look at wedding dresses, imagining where I will nestle my insulin pump. It’s in my car, as I open the glove compartment to retrieve the ubiquitous bottle of glucose tabs. It’s there when I edit articles at work, or filter through press releases, or when I weed through the web. It’s there when I write, sneaking its way into blog posts and articles, attaching itself to secondary characters in my fiction.

It’s there when a friend talks about their incessant thirst or their tired eyes, or waking up in the middle of the night to pee. I raise an eyebrow and they stick out their fingertip, allowing me to “just check.”

It was there when he asked, and when I said yes.

Sometimes it makes my stomach hurt from laughing. Sometimes my face is hot with tears.

But it’s there when I look deep inside myself, at what takes my already-steely core and tempers it into something fierce. It doesn’t make me strong, but stronger. It doesn’t make me brave, but braver.

It doesn’t own me. It doesn’t make me. It doesn’t define me.

It just helps explain me. 
Red flowers from The Dutch Iris Inn.

(Originally posted on my TuDiabetes profile as part of the "Living with Diabetes" contest.)

Comments

Can I just say "ditto" and well said, my friend. Well said!

May I say congrats to one of the winners of the contest? :)

BEAUTIFUL! Just wonderful, Kerri!

Hi, my name is Jenny and I'm a teenager with type 1 diabetes from California. This fall my dad and I are riding 70 miles through Death Valley to raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (this is our 2nd ride, we rode 58 through Death Valley in May 2006 and raised $11,500 ). I'm looking for people to help sponsor me...even if it's $1! There are also other ways to help if you cannot donate money...all listed on my website under "ways you can help". Please visit my website to learn more:

http://www.geocities.com/RunninOnInsulin

If you would like to donate online, please go to this website: http://ride.jdrf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=rideCentral.personalpag
e&riderID=7122

I also made a youtube video about my fundraiser, so if you're interested in watching, here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GukbiGje6lA (it's a comedy)

Thanks so much for your time and for any help! Please email me with any questions (my email is on my website).
Please help me reach my goal of raising $15,000!! Thanks!
-Jenny

Dare I say that this was such a pretty post? It touched my heart and brought me to tears.

This is WHY!!

Thanks for giving us a bittersweet taste of your daily reality.

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