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An Update on Shoes.

Another Open Letter to Shoes.Dear Shoes,

You had been quiet for a few weeks, my dear neighbor, but I heard you today.  Oh thank goodness!  I was worried about you.  My ceiling has been eerily quiet lately and I was mildly worried for your well-being.

However, this morning at a crisp 5 a.m. you let me know you were okay.  The clomping and stomping told me that you were indeed back in your apartment and that all was well.  And the barking told me that you brought a new friend home with you.

The barking.  Oh hooray Shoes - you got a dog. 

DogShoes sounds like a hearty, robust breed, with a low, sonorous bark and feet that are apparently clad in tap shoes.  No little yappy teacup dog for you, eh Shoes?  You go all out in your little condo unit.  DogShoes must be weighing in at close to 70 lbs, judging by the noise he made this morning running from your kitchen to your bedroom.  I hear his joyful barking sounds and could almost feel the swish of his massive tail as he galloped down the hallway.

DogShoes likes to bark when the sun is rising.  Maybe he thinks it's a big ball that he can bound outside and play with!  I like when the sun rises, too, but I don't necessarily want to see it rise on a Tuesday morning.  Sunrises are for camping trips or pub crawls - not for a work morning, you silly DogShoes!  If I had a newspaper nearby, I would roll it up and bludgeon your owner.  Silly!

Oh Shoes, I know you have plenty going on in your life, what with the boyfriend you banish to sleep beneath the mailboxes and the friends who come over to tell you "Oh.  My.  God.  You are so going to piss her off with that skirt!"  You are a busy girl.  I know you're out often because sometimes DogShoes goes nuts when he's bored up there.  I can hear him trying to burrow through the floor.    

While I would love to have more sleep in my life, it's DogShoes.reassuring to know that you are back, Shoes.  Your absence has made the bags under my eyes go away, and I missed those almost as much as I missed you. I'm so happy you have a new member of your family now - DogShoes sounds like he could eat a ham hock whole!  I'm sure he's very cuddly.

Let me know if you need anything, at any hour, my dear neighbor.  I'm awake all the time now.

Best,

Kerri.

Comments

Sounds like its almost time to pee on the cookie sheet, freeze it, then shove it under her door.

Kerri, I had a gay cowboy cocaine dealer as an upstairs neighbor. It's a long story, but let's just say I cannot hear: "Yippee-Ki-Yay" without cringing. I can laugh at your post now since I moved out to a house in the suburbs.

delightful, absolutely delightful!

Kerri, I hate to say it but Lara wins.

LMAO.

I love the use of "Silly!" That is awesome. What a silly nilly that Shoes is.

I have yet to tell the story about the apartment I rented where the landlord murdered his daughter for arson money(this daughter lived below me) and I found out she was making ... adult videos in her place. Mind you, this was in a very, very nice neighborhood. People can be terrifying.

But not Shoes and DogShoes. They are just plain silly. ;)

This is why people need to meditate (or at least me). My sister used to walk around without shoes on and I was sure she was going to fall through the floor, she walked so loudly. I used to come upstairs and yell at her because my bedroom was in our finished walk-out basement.

I am currently rejoicing, that my "shoes" moved out this weekend! YEAH!!!!!

LMAO about the pee in the cookie sheet.

We lived in apartments that were close enough to touch the person next door. My dad had just put my brother and I to bed (we were 2 and 5) and a guy was riding his motorcycle in the alleyway.

My dad was armed and ready to dump a full potty of pee that my brother just got finished with on the guy's head. The guy didn't come back though.

Kerri, that story you told me about the landlord gives me chills. OMG. Freaky-deaky.

I heartly recomend earplugs. I've had my fair share of noisy neighbors, loud music, dogs barking and birds(I never knew they were so loud) keeping me up or waking me up early and until I get a quiet house of my own in the burbs earplugs every night.

Good lord, you had someone murdered in the flat below you???

It's too bad you can't access her condo. There are so many thing you could do to her place. Pour milk on her carpet and let it sour. Stuff shrimp into her curtain rods and wait for the smell to overtake her. Used kitty litter in the air conditioning vents. The possibilities are nearly endless.

No, no, this is all good. Now you can tell us how the lack of sleep affects your blood sugar. Of course, there's a cure for this affliction. Call your old landlord who shot his daughter. He probably has a treatment option.

I love this story, but even more, I love your readers' reactions to this story!

The cookie sheet thing? Just another insight into what it must have been like Growing Up Morrone...

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